"What happened to him?"
"He died when we were nineteen. Caught a bullet that wasn't meant for him." Vadim's jaw tightens. "After that, I stopped letting people get close. It seemed safer that way."
His story makes my chest ache. I reach across the table without thinking and place my hand over his. "I'm sorry."
"It was a long time ago," he says, but he takes my hand gently.
"That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt."
He looks down at our hands, then turns his palm up to thread his fingers through mine. "No. It doesn't." It's such a subtle touch but so powerful. My heart feels joined to his and I ache for the pain he's suffered.
Our food arrives and the meal is incredible, each course better than the last, and I find myself relaxing into the evening so much that it really does feel like a date. Vadim's more interesting than I gave him credit for. There is a depth to his life I ignored, and learning about him is fascinating.
"Can I ask you something?" I say between bites.
"Of course."
"Do you ever wish you could do something else? Something normal?"
Vadim shrugs one shoulder while he takes a bite, answering with food in his mouth. "Every day."
"Then why don't you?"
He chews carefully and swallows while he cocks his head and sighs. "It's not that simple. This world doesn't let you go easily. Once you're in, you're in."
"But if you could," I press. "If you could just walk away and start over, would you?"
"Yes." The answer is immediate and honest. "I'd find a quiet place somewhere, maybe by the water. I'd do something with my hands, maybe learn a trade."
The vulnerability in his voice makes my heart clench. I squeeze his hand gently. "You're not alone anymore. You know that, right?"
His eyes meet mine and the intensity there takes my breath away. He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. The gesture is so tender, it makes my eyes sting.
"I know now," he says quietly. His eyes fix on mine, and I'm speechless. Whatever is happening between us feels hypnotic. My soul is being woven to his on a deep level, and I like what I’m experiencing.
When dessert arrives, I'm completely lost in the moment. The setting sun has given way to twilight, and the first stars are starting to appear overhead. It feels like I'm in a good dream that I will awaken from and find myself wishing it were real. We don't even have to speak and the magic still sparks between us.
"Walk with me?" Vadim asks when we finish.
"Where?"
"The beach. It's just down the path."
"Of course," I say, and he settles the bill before guiding me outside. We walk down to the water, slipping off our shoes to feel the sand between our toes. The moon is full overhead, and the air is warm and pleasant. The city hums around us, but the sound of the water lapping on the shore is relaxing.
"This is nice," I say softly, and Vadim's hand finds mine again.
"It is." Vadim's body radiates warmth so I lean into him as the breeze threatens to chill me. He's steady and I feel secure leaning on him. And when he speaks, his voice rumbles through me. "Why aren't you married? Before all this, I mean."
I'm not at all surprised by that question. I get it a lot, though not usually like this. "I guess the right man never came along."
"What would the right man be like?" I get the feeling that Vadim is measuring himself against my imagination and hoping he stacks up, so I think about it for a moment before responding.
I don’t have to look at him to remember all the qualities I actually enjoy about him. All I have to do is list them off. "Someone strong… Someone I can fight with as passionately as we make love… Someone who will always protect me, no matter what."
"That's it?"
"Well," I say, a small smile tugging at my lips. "It would help if he wasn't a professional killer. That's kind of a dealbreaker in most relationships."
