"We're going on a date like normal people. But we're not normal people."
"No," he agrees. "I suppose we're not."
He doesn't elaborate and I don't push. The silence between us isn't uncomfortable, just weighted with things neither of us knows how to say or maybe that's just the way it feels to me. I know how to say the words, "I love you." I just don’t know if I want to say them out loud. If saying them might break some spell that's been cast over us that pulls him toward me.
When we pull into the parking lot of Sunset 1999, I recognize it immediately. It's one of the nicer restaurants in the area, the kind of place where people come to celebrate something important. It's a pricey place and I feel underdressed and nervous.
Vadim comes around to open my door and offers his hand, so I take it, letting him help me out of the car. We walk inside together and the hostess greets us with a bright smile, leading us to a table by the window that overlooks the water.
"This is beautiful," I say once we're seated, looking out at the view. The sun is starting to set, making the sky glow brilliant colors that capture my eye for a moment. It's beautiful, almost like God himself painted it for me.
"I thought you'd like it."
The way he says it, like he actually considered what I might enjoy, makes something flutter in my stomach. I pick up the menu to distract myself, scanning the options even though I'm not really absorbing the words. I feel conflicted. After my revelation of feeling safe with him, I've done nothing but think of how he didn't hesitate to run to me when I needed him. That's got to be a sign of affection, right? So why can't he say to me that he cares?
"Wine?" Vadim asks.
"Yes, please," I murmur without looking up at him. I'm too lost in my thoughts and too easily distracted by his charm and good looks. He told me this little outing is only to make sure anyone watching us is convinced that we're really married, though I don't believe him. If MUP was going to come after us, they'd have done it by now.
He orders a bottle and when it arrives, he pours for both of us. I take a sip and it's good, better than anything I usually drink. Everything about this evening feels elevated, from the choice of restaurant to the amount of attention he's paying to me. Maybe I'm a fool, but I believe Mr. Vadim Gravitch is finding it hard to put his feelings into words, and this is his way of saying what can't be said.
"So," I say, setting my glass down. "Are we supposed to make conversation like a real couple, or do we just sit here and look convincing?"
Vadim's expression softens and a smile quirks his lips. "We can talk. I'd like to know more about you." God, his smile is so dazzling. When he's happy, he puts me in a trance.
"What do you want to know?" I say softly. I'd tell him anything at this point.
"Tell me about growing up. What was your childhood like?"
I lean back in my chair and think about my childhood. It's been a long time since anyone asked me about my past, and even longer since I wanted to share it. But I don't mind talking about it. I feel a special fondness when I think of growing up alongside Dusan.
"It was good, mostly… normal. My parents worked hard to give us a decent life. We lived in a small apartment in Belgrade, nothing fancy, but it was home. Dusan and I were close growing up. He was my best friend."
"What was he like?"
"Funny. Charming. Everyone loved him." I trace the rim of my wine glass with one finger. "He had this way of using laughter to defuse tension… so incredible. I thought he'd do something amazing with his life."
"What happened?" Vadim leans forward and sips his wine, and he seems to really want to know.
His question is gentle, not prying, and I appreciate that. "He started gambling. Then he got in with the wrong people and started losing more than he could afford to pay back. And then one day, he just disappeared. Left me to clean up his mess." I still feel bitter about it, though that was so long ago, I can't remember the actual day it happened.
"You miss him."
Vadim makes a keen observation and I nod at him, feeling misty-eyed. "I do. Even after everything. He's still my brother."
When the waiter arrives to take our order, I let Vadim handle it. He's so confident and self-assured. He doesn’t even ask what I want. He orders something he swears I will love, so I let him take charge because since I've met him, he hasn’t been wrong once. When the waiter is gone, I turn the conversation to him.
"What about you? What's St. Petersburg like?" I'm intrigued now, though it feels odd getting to know my husband after the marriage has taken place and I've already fallen for him.
"Cold." He chuckles and I snicker with him. "It's dark in the winter. The sun barely comes up for months. And summer is short-lived, but beautiful."
"Did you like it there?" I sip my wine carefully and notice how his eyes spark when I speak of his home. He enjoys being in the spotlight.
"It was home. I didn't really think about whether I liked it or not." He takes another sip of his wine. "My family wasn't close. My father worked all the time, my mother took care of the house, and my brothers and I mostly stayed out of each other's way."
"That sounds lonely."
"It was." He's quiet for a moment, and he stares at his wine glass with distant eyes. "I had a friend growing up. Alexei. We were inseparable, got into all kinds of trouble together. He wanted to be a doctor. Used to talk about how he'd save lives and make a difference in the world."
