Gabriella got a sassy look on her face. “No. He actually said that. Several times.”
I crossed my arms, skeptical.
“Yeah. He does.” Sadie nodded.
“He could only be saying something like that out of guilt,” I quipped.
Gabriella set her hands on her hips, looking down at me like she was annoyed. “Well, he does have a ton of that. He takes security very seriously, so this rift between you after your safetywas compromised—through no fault of his—is agony on his self-imposed guilt trip.” She smirked a bit, like she was glad to have the chance to give it to me straight like that. “Now, this guest suite. You want to see it?”
I did, but on the walk there, I tried to rationalize with myself whether they were lying. Whether he was joking or mocking me.
Love?
If he loved me, why would he stay so far from me?
Moving into the guest room was a great idea. Not only for the windows and the outdoor access to a patio and green space, but because it was more of a room in which I could decide how I wanted to live my life. Luka was clear that I was welcome as family, since I was a relative through Raisa. He also added that I shouldn’t leave the premises of any Dubinin property until all threats were removed.
“He means when Erik and Yusef are dead,” I told Gabriella when she was helping me hang up artwork that she'd gifted me.
“He does,” she agreed. Suddenly stopping in the middle of positioning a picture frame, she exhaled harshly and peered at me. “And you’d know that if you’d talk to Alexsei. Why are you punishing him for that night?”
I sat, wincing at her blunt attitude. It wasn’t mean or abrasive. She wasn’t cruel like Erik was. I heard the frustration in her tone.
“Because I feel so weak. I feel ungrounded and lost because I can’t trustmyselfnow.”
She sat next to me, furrowing her brow and listening.
“I opened up to him when I was at my worst, when I was stuck reliving the hell of the last fourteen years. I trusted him with… so much, and I’d almost died. I was almost taken.”
She lifted her chin. “Then do something about that.”
I frowned at her. “Oh, like it’s that easy.”
“No. Nothing worthwhile in life is easy or free. But learn from your mistakes. If you leaned on him and you took a risk on counting on him in any way, don’t be so naïve the next time. Grow. Push yourself. Learn how to be stronger.” She tapped my shoulder gently. “Work onyou, Kalina.”
As I lowered my gaze and considered what she said, I couldn’t help but recall how Alexsei had said something similar. That people made their happiness come true and didn’t wait for it to happen.
Maybe that was why he was staying here, as a guest in the mansion instead of taking Misha back to his house which was supposed to be nearby. This might be his way of making happiness come to him, holding on to hope that I would one day stop pushing him away. His way of making amends was by suggesting I come here with windows and space to enjoy.
Because no matter how long I stayed mad and made no effort to speak to him, he didn’t leave.
Not once did he come to whine and make excuses.
He didn’t come here and try to coerce me into letting him star in my life again like he had in the cabin.
According to what the others said, including Misha, he didn’t seem to like it when others defended him.
Settled into this guest suite, I tried to understand how to forgive. How to move past the near-death experience I’d survived when Alexsei had me thinking I wouldn’t be harmed again.
Sadie taught me self-defense. Misha and I worked on his school projects. For the first time in my life, I had the power to choose what I wanted to do. What I ate, what I wore. No one was bossing me around, and I began to wonder what my future could hold. A job? A family?
The options seemed endless, and I slowly gave myself grace to simply learn how tobe. To try on the concept of being free, and on my own terms, too.
Winter began to pass into spring, which led to Alexsei maintaining his space while he personally installed birdfeeders and birdhouses outside my window.
He showed me patience.
But the longer I missed him, I had to wonder when mine would run out.
