“Alexsei,” Ivan said.
I scoffed. “Oh. Him. The one who put me in danger.”
“He didn’t,” Raisa argued.
I shot her a look.
“He didn’t deliberately put you in danger,” Ivan said. “He took every measure to choose a safe location for you to rest in peace and without the chaos of this household.”
He was right about that. Even though I hid in my room—mostly to avoid Alexsei—I was aware of how big of a place this was. How busy it was. It made me yearn for the simple coziness of the cabin again.
But it’s gone.
All of what happened there is gone.
“He endangered Misha, too,” I accused, hating the memories that would pop up of how terrified that young boy was.
“He took every precaution,” Ivan repeated.
I shook my head, stubborn to not make the same mistake twice.
I believed Alexsei when he said he cared for me and wanted to keep me safe. And he almost hadn’t.
After a while, they let me be and I wondered if this anger I held for Alexsei was another mask, another layer that was supposed to work as a defense mechanism.
The next day, when Sadie got me to talking more about why I refused to reach out to Alexsei, she agreed.
“You fear lowering your guard with him and the chance of it not being true.” She shrugged, like it was a simple, basic discovery.
“Of this connection with him being true,” she added. “This… love.”
I rolled my eyes and dismissed that. I wasn’t going to get my hopes up high and distract myself with the fantasy of a happily ever after again.
Since she said it, though, it lurked in my mind like a scary threat.
That I could’ve lost love with him, and I was further ruining the chances of finding it again by being so stubborn as to push him away.
In my mind, I saw no other explanation, no other way to perceive it.
Was I supposed to just go up to him and tell him that he hurt me, and it would be okay again? That it broke my heart when I realized I couldn’t trust him? That I’dneverbe free to actually be safe?
How was I supposed to move past the trauma of almost being taken when I was in a safe place? I had gone there to learn how to live and just be, and then that had happened.
Gabriella and Sadie approached me the following day about whether I'd like to move to a guest suite. It had more space and wasn’t so central in the mansion.
“It’s quieter,” Sadie said. “And it’s got bigger windows. Alex?—”
Gabriella elbowed her hard, shutting her up.
“What?” Sadie shot her a look. “It was his idea.”
I raised my brows.
Gabriella rolled her eyes. “Fine. It was Alexsei’s idea. He said you like looking out windows and he thought you might like more of an apartment space to yourself. He also told us not to tell you that it was his idea.”
“Which is dumb,” Sadie said. “Because he clearly loves you.”
I laughed. “I highly doubt that.”
