“I’ll keep at it,” he promised. “If Erik and Yusef are our most probable leads, I’ll be watching.”
It seemed like a weak solution, but for the time being, there weren’t any leads.
I wished I could have more to tell Raisa, but I wouldn’t ever lie or give her false hope.
When I met Ivan for lunch later that day, it was the first opportunity I had to provide an update about the mission. Even if it was a crappy one.
“Nothing?” He grimaced, clearly unhappy about the progress, or lack thereof.
“Nothing. Simon has a lot to try to pick at about Erik Boranov and Yusef Kashinan, but they’re not easily traceable.”
“Too cautious,” Ivan guessed wryly.
“Very.”
“I’m not sure that I like the reputed association he has with the Riveras, either.”
He shook his head. “Me neither. It’s not necessarily an association with them, but a debt owed to them?”
I nodded. “Yes. Among others. The fuckers can’t seem to hold onto a penny with all the debts they owe. Or they gamble it off too quickly.”
“I’m not fond of stirring up any more trouble with those fucking Italians, though.”
I agreed with that sentiment. Luka wouldn’t be too pleased to have to deal with them again. For the last couple of years, Marco Rivera and the Vipers’ Cartel boss had been thorns in our sides. Still, if and when it came down to it, Luka would never shy away from fighting with the Riveras—and hopefully end all of them this time. We’d attacked both organizations before, extensively. Like weeds, though, some members would rise up and reorganize, forever our enemies. Marco Rivera, Sr. had been eliminated, but now his son was gaining power and traction.
As we ate and talked, the topic stayed on Kalina and what other steps Simon and I could take to find her. In the end, though, Ivan tossed his napkin to the table and frowned. “I just hate how much Raisa is worrying about all of this.”
“That’s understandable. It’s better to reduce stress while she’s expecting.”
He laughed once. “Stress will be a constant from now until the day we die, cousin.”
That was the whole truth.
“But I don’t want her worrying about this—or anything else.” Furrowing his brow, he leaned over to rest his elbow on the table and then prop his chin in his hand. “I would go to any length to make her happy. Especially while she’s pregnant again.” He sat up with a huff. “Or ever. I wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever I could to ensure her happiness.”
I nodded, aware of how devoted he was to the woman he’d loved his whole life. That deep dedication was shown in the rest of our growing family. Luka would move mountains to make Gabriella happy. Emil would do anything in his power to please Sadie.
But that would never apply to me again.
It would never be my future.
After losing Elena and failing to keep her safe from the explosion that ended her life, I knew down in my heart that no wife would ever complement my existence. Being determined to protect my family wasn’t just a job to me. It was who I was, a protector. A guardian. Yet, with my mistake of not keeping my wife safe, I couldn’t move ahead to imagine that bond with another woman again.
My calling would always be to protect those I could. And I would.
That didn’t mean that I would ever heal enough to risk my heart in love again. Because of the stain of my failure withmywife’s life, I wouldn’t be prepared to open up and take a chance on letting another woman in like that.
No matter how much good it would do to Misha to have a mother.
No matter how deeply I missed having a partner and knowing my other half was there to make me feel whole.
Never again.
I’d lost one wife. I’d been reduced to a broken mess once before.
Nothing and no one could make me change my mind—regardless of how empty my life was starting to feel with the expansion of our family.
4
