Falling into the soft snow and stretching out, not curling over and cowering like fearing a hit.
It looked really good on her.
Happiness had never seemed like such a gorgeous thing for a woman to wear.
And it quickly became infectious, prompting me to join in with them out there.
Misha squealed with delight when he saw me exit the cabin.
“Daddy!” He leaped up, tricking me to catch him in my arms. I laughed, thrilled that he still loved me this much. And it was the perfect window of timing for him to smash a snowball on my back.
“Ahh!” I laughed and shook off the cold. “Ooh, I’ll pay you back for that.”
“Not if you can’t catch me!” He dropped to the snow, stooping to gather snow for forming another ball before taking off.
I laughed, used to roughhousing like this with him. “I will!” I taunted. But as I lowered to grab snow for a snowball, I deliberately moved slowly, pretending to run but not.
One day, I’d have to stop letting him “win” as much, but he was just a boy, a child to enjoy and play with.
Faking confusion as Misha ran among some trees, I looked around from side to side. “Where’d he go?”
Misha’s giggles sounded from my left. I turned to focus on the right. “I’m going to find you,” I teased.
More laughter, behind me now.
“Where are you?”
Pausing to glance at Kalina kneeling in the snow, I caught sight of her trying not to smile.
“I can’t find him,” I called out.
More laughter behind another tree.
“Did you see where he went?” I asked Kalina.
She shrugged, playing along as well.
“Dang it, I have no clue…” I dropped my snowball just before Misha darted from another direction behind me and tried to smash the snowball in my back. Whirling around, I caught him, and we both laughed as I fell, letting him drop on top of me. Once more, he cracked up and ran off, pumping his fists in the air in victory.
I leaned up on my elbow and smiled after him, feeling lighter and more peaceful in my heart since that little trip down memory lane, those darker reminders of how he didn’t have a mother.
He had me.
And I would always do everything in my power to be the best parent I could be for him.
Losing track of the time, I stayed out there and played with Misha. Kalina was there, but I was careful not to engage with her directly. I had to let her take the initiative, to let her show me if she wanted my presence any closer than this. While I wasn’t excluding her, I focused on Misha, realizing he was the neutral territory between us both.
Later, when the sun began to set, Misha jumped on me and got snow beneath the collar of my coat, chilling me. He looked cold and maybe a little wet too, so I suggested we head in so I could start preparing dinner.
I stood, brushing off what snow I could. “Your nose is getting red,” I told him.
He shot to his feet and shuddered. “I guess I am a little cold.”
Offering my hand to Kalina since she had fallen into a thicker pile of snow, I waited to see if she’d take it.
She carefully put her hand into mine, and despite the gloves between our fingers, I felt too aware of her putting this much basic trust in me.
And it felt damned good.
