Never free to justbe.
13
ALEXSEI
Of all the questions she could’ve asked me, she had to start with something about my dead wife.
Talking about Elena was something I tried to avoid at all costs. Regardless of who was asking.
Yet, I had been so eager for Kalina to finally open up toward me that I had to reply in some way.
I sighed, tossing the dish towel back to the counter. Instead of going back out there and testing the odds that she might be more nervous with it just being me and her inside the cabin, I set my hands on the edge of the counter and hung my head.
Losing Elena was hell. We hadn’t known each other for long, spontaneously meeting then marrying so soon because she’d fallen pregnant when we dated. Altogether, I’d only known her for two and a half years of the thirty-two that I’d spent on this planet so far. We hadn’t shared enough with each other to gain a long-standing and deep love like what the others so clearly had.
The deep connection that Luka and Gabriella forged.
The soulmate bond that Ivan and Raisa held.
Or the kismet union that Emil and Sadie found.
Elena had been my wife and at that time, I was sure that we could mutually learn more about each other over time to be happy as a couple. I had been willing to try that, as had she.
But I failed.
I’d failed to save her, too slow to get her out of that fire that consumed the building she’d been led to, all because some other families wanted to attack the Dubinin Dynasty in any way they could.
The sound of the front door opening pulled me from the morose thoughts.
Misha barreled in, begging Kalina to come watch him play outside.
I cringed, nervous that he was pushing her too far, too much. Kalina was growing out of her shell, but it was a slow, careful process.
To my surprise, though, she agreed with those quiet and mild one-word answers. Misha whooped with glee, hurrying to help her get her coat, boots, and gloves on.
Once the door shut again after them as they headed outside, leaving me alone in the cabin, I huffed out a dry laugh and turned to rest my butt against the counter.
“I shouldn’t be surprised,” I muttered to myself.
Misha was working wonders on her. He could get her to trusthim. He was making great strides in urging her to talk to him and to not be so scared to feel like she could fit in here.
I wanted to kick myself for ever worrying about bringing Misha with me and Kalina. Without him, she would’ve been more scared and nervous. My son was the middle ground she needed.
Still, as I pushed off the counter to watch them outside, I wished I could be doing more.
That she could trustme, too.
Catching her smiling as Misha taught her how to fall back into the snow to make snow angels, I wished she could let loose to truly rely on us to help her recover and heal past her trauma.
A heavy sigh pulled at me as I watched them play and tromp around in the snow.
It was a shame that she’d been stuck with Erik and Yusef for however long she had been. No longer like a feral, scared animal, she moved more freely. Not like a child, but with a youthful carelessness I bet she hadn’t ever been able to show. With a wonder to move and laugh, a freedom to be goofy without anyone stopping her.
This was a good look on her.
Smiling.
Gazing at the sky with relief, not squinting with suspicion.
