With her free hand, Honey pulled Choyce to her feet and pushed her onto a chair. I moved in front of her while Honey took her place behind Choyce, trapping her between us.
"You know," I started, catching Honey's eyes before letting my gaze slide back to Choyce. "I'm not even mad at you for liking Honor. Most bitches do. And if we're being honest, what's not to like? He's handsome, strong, tall, walks like he knows the power he's carrying between his legs, and he fucks extraordinarily well. Honor is worthy of bitches wanting him."
I twirled the knife slowly, watching Choyce, waiting for the truth she wouldn't say out loud to speak anyway. She didn't disappoint. For every compliment I gave Honor, her mouth twitched. Lust shimmered in her eyes, raw and unguarded. She wanted him… badly. But something was telling me it wasn't just about fucking him.
"My issue," I calmly continued, "is hoesthinkingthey can take my place. That part… I don't play with. Being a man's peace can be simple… cook his meals, laugh with his family and friends, make sure he nuts on every inch of your body, so he feels superior. Being that kind of peace only qualifies you for a regular man, not Honor."
Choyce's jaw tightened, and there, displayed, was the fear that she wasn't enough for him. I slowly let the corners of my mouth lift into a pleasant smile.
"Honor's peace requires loving him when he's never been able to love himself. Putting his feelings before yours. Choosinghim even when it costs you. Staying because you understand his damage, not because of the overbearing attention he gives."
"And let me guess," Choyce shot back, lifting her chin. "All of that is ajobfor you? I don't know much about love and relationships, seeing as I married and had a child with a gay man, but… everything you said, that strength you think you need to have to be his peace is why you're having ill feelings about your relationship."
"You don't know shit," I seethed, slamming the knife on the granite countertop.
"I know enough. You being here says more than you think. Honor's been yours long before I knew he existed. You know him better than anyone, yet here you are. In my house. Letting this lonely bitch take my gun so you can waltz into my kitchen to question me aboutyourman. What does that tell you, Navy?"
"Why don't you tell me?" I snapped.
"Why spell it out when taunting you is… ahhh!"
Honey grabbed a fistful of Choyce's hair and yanked her head back. I then stepped forward, straddling Choyce's lap.
"Taunt me again," I whispered for only her to hear, "and I'll leave a pool of your blood so deep my niece could splash in it. I don't want that, but I'll do it if you force my hand."
"Fine," Choyce ground out.
I nodded for Honey to let her go, and I stood, unhurried.
"You're acting like a killer, but all I see are insecurities having a tantrum," Choyce recited, straightening her posture. "You feel Honor slipping, and you're looking for someone to blame. God forbid it's the person looking back at you in the mirror. Still, I get it. Honor is special, and you want him to stay yours. I get that but do you? Because instead of trusting the peace you claim to be, you came looking for a fight you're not ready for. Be his peace, Navy, if that's truly who you are." Her eyes locked on mine. "But don't hate me because I'm his equal."
Tired of playing with a bitch who has never been more than a pawn, I surged forward, grabbing the knife and straddling her lap again. Honey yanked Choyce's head back, giving me full access to her neck.
"His equal." I laughed, bristly and joyless. "How can you be his equal when you don't even know him? You know the scrapes he lets you see. Thehimhe curates."
My chest heaved as black spots freckled my vision.
"You couldn't be his equal," I went on, my voice rising, "because you could never do what I've done for him. You'll never be his peace, let alone his equal," I scoffed, my lip curling in disgust.
I pressed the knife's tip to her neck, just enough for her skin to give, and a bead of blood welled.
"Honor doesn't want an equal," I whispered. "That's not what he needs. Honor wants an angel who can stand in his fire and not burn."
My throat tightened, a warning to stop talking before I revealed too much. "I'm that for him. I've always been that for him?—"
My voice cracked as memories I'd buried clawed their way to the surface, dragging grief along with them.
"Being his peace… is the reason I aborted our children. All four of them."
Silence swallowed the room, but I couldn't stop. My conscience wouldn't allow it.
"I laid on that table and killed them without him knowing," I confessed, tears blurring everything but the truth. "Because I loved him."
I slowly dragged the knife along her skin. Choyce hissed or maybe even screamed, but I couldn't hear it. All I heard were heartbeats. Mine. Honors. Our children's. Different rhythms. Different weights.
The knife slipped from my fingers and clattered against the granite. I staggered back, breath coming in shallow pulls, like my lungs had forgotten how to process air. I pressed a hand to my chest to try to still my heart, but it kept racing, hammering like it wanted to escape. Honey didn't move. She stood behind Choyce, fingers still tangled in her hair, eyes locked on me.
There wasn't fear in her eyes. There wasn’t approval either. What lived in her slanted browns was the closest thing to horror, and it wasn't because of what I'd done but more so what I said.
