"Needing someone is survival. Wanting them…" Her eyes closed, a small smile softening her frustrations with me. "Wanting them is a choice. It's deciding every day that you still want me, even when it's easier not to."
Navy opened her eyes, spark fully present.
"That's the difference, Honor. That's what makes it real. All I want to be is the thought that sticks when everything else fades."
"Fuck, Navy," I murmured.
What Navy wanted, I eagerly wanted to give. The shit was just difficult 'cause how I saw her was the opposite of who she wanted to be for me. Navy didn't want to be the reason I survived, but she already was.
My reason. My lifeline. My happiness and peace.
Navy was all that and more, but was sitting across from me, saying she wanted to be a corny ass thought. What she didn't understand was thatwantsdidn't exist in my world.
I wanted my mother not to be a druggie, but she still got high. I wanted her to live, but Lucian still killed her. I wanted to die before shit even got this far, but Navy kept me alive.
How the fuck was I supposed to turn a need into a want? Navy called wanting a choice, and choices meant there were options. I didn't want options. I needed it only to be her.
"I'ma fuck this up, Navy," I told her truthfully.
Navy made it clear that how I handled her was the problem. The obsession, the craving to hear her love for me, was too much. Her heart wanted simple and easy, but a nigga like me didn't know how to be that.
"You don't get to fuck up, Honor. You just get to want me." She simpered. "I love you. Don't overthink this."
"I love you too."
I moved closer to her on the bed, pinching her chin and tilting her head upward. Her eyes glimmered with a love I considered my peace. What lived in the browns of her eyes was everything she didn't want to mean to me. I tucked my chin, and her lips crashed into mine. All hunger. All heat. I gripped the back of her neck, deepening the kiss.
"Honor," she moaned, her hands brushing the waistband of my briefs. "Do you trust me?"
"What?" I asked, pulling back.
"Huh?" She frowned, confused.
"What did you say?"
"I asked do you trust me. What's the problem?"
I ran my hands over my head and shifted further away. I was staring at Navy, but all I could hear was Choyce's voice telling me,"I'm asking you to let me guide you through this. Trust me enough to have your back with this."
"Honor, what is going on?"
"I gotta tell you something about last night."
"Okay," she whispered, pushing her chin forward and squinting.
"I came in late because I was meeting Lucian and Choyce at the docks. Choyce showed up first. We started talking and…" my throat tightened as her emotions danced across her features, then disappeared.
"And what Honor?" she asked, her voice tight with restraint.
"She kissed me."
"She what?" Navy hissed through clenched teeth. "How was she even able to get that close to you, Honor?"
I scratched along my jaw, trying to find the words. "I was in my head, and she caught me off guard. I didn't kiss her back tho."
"You think I give a fuck?" she roared, chest rising and falling like she was forcing the words out.
"Navy—" I leaned toward her, but she hopped off the bed.
