"Nah."
"Nah?" Her face scrunched.
"That's what I said, right? Stop running from this shit and tell me how you feel."
"Why, if it doesn't matter?"
"Who the fuck said your feelings don't matter?" I barked, shooting up from the bed. "If anyone's feelings matter on this earth, it's yours, and you know that."
"Do I? 'Cause my feelings didn't matter when you risked your life for a bitch who ain't me! She can't even amount to my fucking pinky toe, yet you jumped in front of bullets for her. Why the fuck do I have to spell this shit out to you?"
"You don't." I snickered, loving how the fire blazed in the browns of her eyes.
"Obviously, I do because my man isn't smart enough to see that a hoe wants him."
"That's not it at all. Your man is smart enough to know karmic scales have to be balanced. Pushing Choyce out the way was me trying to even shit out. The fuck I'ma do when you're chilling next to God with your wings, and I'm surrounded by fucking fire?" Closing the space between us, I locked my arm around her waist.
"Please move out my face with that bullshit."
"It's not bullshit. Hell doesn't deserve your beauty," I told her, meaning every word. "Burning them pearly gates or shooting up the spot gon' leave you homeless. The only way we both win is if I tip the scales in my favor."
Navy chuckled under her breath.
"I must be a dumb bitch if that's the excuse you're giving me for saving a hoe who wants your dick rearranging her tonsils," she snapped. "How am I supposed to trust you with my feelings when you can't even be honest with me?"
"I'm being honest," I gritted, teeth clenched.
"You're not. You're being a pessimist. You expect the worst because youthinkyou don't deserve the best! It's not my job to make you feel otherwise, Honor," she fired back. "If this is how you're gonna have this conversation, then leave me the fuck out of it."
Navy slipped from my embrace. Instead of pulling her back, I let her go. She crawled onto the bed, kicked the covers aside, and slammed a pillow onto her lap, glaring at me with conflicted eyes.
"What do you want to know?" I sighed.
"The truth!"
"Look, I don't know why I took those bullets of Choyce. I didn't really think about the shit. I just acted."
"Nothing is done without a reason."
"And I'm telling you I don't know what mine was."
"Okay." She shrugged.
"That's it?"
"Mhmm," she hummed.
Smirking, I sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you happy, Navy? Not with life but with me."
"For the most part, I'm happy. We've had more good times than bad, so what's not to be happy about?"
Her face softened, but there was still a spark missing from her stare. Happiness wasn't just a feeling with Navy. It radiated from her skin.
"Not feeling wanted," I answered.
"I can't expect you to love me a certain way when I haven't been open about how I feel. I love that you need me, but I don't want to be a need, Honor. I want to be a thought like when you see my favorite candy bar. Want me when your days are hard but want me more when they're soft."
"I hear you," I slowly stated, shaking my head. "But to me… needing someone and wanting them sound the same."
