"I keep my situations private because there's nothing guaranteed about them. I'm having fun, and privacy allows it to stay that way without the opinions of others. You and Honor are as promised, as the word implies. Yet, y'all don't love each otherout loud. Y'all love each other in the quiet moments, in the space that lingers between a breath and voicing a thought. As beautiful as that can be, it's not privacy… that's being hidden."
"Damn, Gigi." Chosyn frowned.
"What did I say wrong?" Gigi asked.
"Nothing, but Navy is going through a lot. Telling her that the man she loves is hiding her isn't really helping."
"How am I supposed to know she's going through a lot when no one tells me anything?"
"Please don't argue over my issues," I told them both. "Chosyn, before you, I didn't talk to anyone about my relationship or anything else for that matter."
"Aww, I'm special," Chosyn cooed, leaning her head on my shoulder.
"Please move." I laughed, then got serious. "I don't think we're hiding what we have. We've been trying to protect it for so long that it's become second nature to us. We love when the world's not watching and lean on each other when life becomes too much."
"I get that," Gigi affirmed, softening her tone. "What the two of you have is special. Few people can say they met their soulmate at eleven and ten."
Soulmate.
I tossed the word around, wondering if that's what we really were, or if we just stamped ourselves soulmates because of his need for me and my want for him.
"Maybe that's the problem," I grumbled.
"How can wanting to protect your relationship be a problem?" Chosyn frowned.
"Not protecting it, but how long we've been together," I clarified, then took another sip of water to keep from having to look at either of them.
"Let it out, girl," Gigi encouraged.
Closing my eyes, I let my thoughts pour out in hopes Gigi and Chosyn would tell me I'm crazy for feeling how I felt.
"It's like… for more than half my life I've been connected to this man, a man whose presence is all-consuming. Even as a kid, Honor walked into a room and made everyone notice him. But with me, it's like I can feel him. He doesn't have to touch me for him to linger on my skin. That's what made me look out the window the day we met. I was in the kitchen cooking, minding my business, when this scrawny boy walked through. He didn't speak, but he didn't have to. I felt myself being pulled in his direction, and when he was outside with Lucian, I felt that same pull again. He needed me, so I obliged. I raced out of the house to stop him from killing himself." My lips trembled, and my voice broke.
"Oh, Navy," Chosyn cooed, wrapping me in her arms.
"I'm okay," I reassured her, pulling out of her embrace.
"Wow, I didn't know you and Honor were like… that," Chosyn stated.
"No one does because he and I don't really talk about that. Back then, I was too young to know love or how to protect someone, but for whatever reason, I knew Honor needed me to do both for him. Over the years I learned him. I became whatever he needed when he needed it. But wha… what if he doesn't need me anymore?"
"Navy, I don't think?—"
"Just listen," I told Chosyn. "I know I shouldn't want to be needed because a person's need is temporary, but what else do I have to cling to when it always feels like Honorneedsme?"
"Honor doesn't only need you, sweetheart." Gigi's voice came in as gentle as a baby's touch.
"You don't know him how I do. Honor wants nothing. When we're together, and I'm wrapped in his arms, he doesn't whisper that hewantsme. He tells me with angst how much heneedsme. And maybe that should be enough. Maybe I'm ungrateful, but a man saying heneedsme in a tone that's based in fear isn't romantic to me. I would rather be wanted."
I felt a ball of emotions growing in my throat and bit my lip to keep them from flooding out.
"I want to be wanted how Crown wants River. I want to be loved how Wolfe loves you, Chosyn."
"Comparing your plate to the next person's is the fastest way to starve," Gigi advised. "Honor mayneedyou, but he loves you, Navy. You can't deny that."
"He does, I'll never deny that, but Gigi, I wanna be loved in a way that speaks to my soul and not my fear of losing him to himself. Wolfe loves Chosyn differently from how Crown loves River. The similarity is that neither of them relies on their women to keep their sanity in tack. Wolfe wanted Chosyn before he realized he needed her. He met her where she was, and together, they grew into what we see today. And no, their relationship isn't perfect, but they rely on each other, protect each other, and trust each other."
"Yeah, but getting here wasn't a walk in the park," Chosyn interjected, but I cut her short.
