I ran faster, wanting to shake that shit off, but it clung as if it felt at home with me.
Inhale through your nose. Exhale through your mouth.
Panting heavily, I fought to steady my breathing, but for every quarter mile, a fresh memory came to jog with me.
"Y'all fucking with the idea of us changing our last names?" I asked, grabbing a stack of money from the money counter. I wrapped a thick rubber band around it, then tossed it to Crown, who dropped it into an old Nike duffel.
"What you mean?" Crown questioned, nodding for Wolfe to stop deconstructing his gun and come over to the table.
"Wassup?" Wolfe asked.
"I'm thinking about changing my last name. Too much bullshit is attached to it. Shit, I don't wanna remember," I explained, grabbing another stack to band.
"I'm with it if you with it. My pops is dead, and my moms in prison. Fuck am I carrying their legacy for when they didn't give a fuck 'bout me." Wolfe shrugged.
I looked toward Crown and knew he wasn't with it but wouldn't go against what Wolfe and I chose either. The three of us had come a long way from being the broken kids living at Gravehart Homes. We weren't at the top just yet, but it was on the horizon, waiting for us to stake our claim.
"What you thinking, Crown?"
"I got shit attached to my name that I fight daily to not think about or trip on. At the same time, mine is connected to my mom. That's a memory I don't wanna see fade. My pops wasn't shit, but Shadae was my everything."
"Nah, I feel you," I told him, tossing the next banded stack to him. "Changing my last name isn't just about shedding myself from my past. I want a last name that means something. Some shit that honors the place that made me the man I am today, shit that inspires the man I'm trying to be."
"Nigga, you're not a man," Crown joked.
"Not in the eyes of the law, but how I move in these streets makes me a man. How I provide for those I care about makes me a man. The shit I went through made me a man before any of that other shit tho. I ain't been a kid since I was ten."
"Damn," Wolfe said.
"I hear you, bro," Crown said. "What you thinking for a last name? If we gon' change our shit, then it can't be nothing corny."
"Gravehart," I answered.
"Nahh," Wolfe dragged, "that shit is lowkey hard. Wolfe Gravehart got a ring to it."
"Cortez Crown Gravehart? Yeah, that's nice." Crown nodded.
"Y'all don't have to decide right now, but I'm changing my shit. If y'all choose not to, it's no hard feelings. We still gon' be family. The love I have for y'all still gon' be soul deep."
I looked them both in the eyes to make sure they understood nothing was gon' change how I saw them.
"I'm in. Before y'all two, I was stuck between waiting for someone to care enough to save me or not caring at all and kill me. Honor snatched my little ass up and told me the truth. No one was coming."
"And they still not," I commented.
"Nah, nigga you're wrong. You, Navy, and Crown saved me. It might not have been how I expected, but the three of you helped me put meaning to my life. I did the work, but it was y'all that gave me the nudge. You're my brother. No lie, I see you as a father forreal. I'll be honored to share a last night with you. No pun intended." He laughed, dapping me up. I pulled my little nigga into a hug, letting what I couldn't put in words be felt.
"Know I'll bloody the waters 'bout you," I told him before letting him go.
"I mean shit, if we're giving speeches, let a real nigga get some heartfelt shit off too," Crown said.
"Do you, bro," Wolfe laughed.
"Ight. Damn, what can I say that hasn't already been said? You know how I get 'bout you nigga. I won't say you're a father to me like this little nigga—" Crown chucked his chin toward Wolfe, who tossed his middle finger up. "What'll say is you're my muthafuckin' brother. I was wildin' off them pills when you flushed my shit, then sat in the corner of the room watching me tear my shit up. I thought you were some weird, never speaking ass nigga, but that day you showed me a side of you most don't know exists. You showed a nigga empathy, helped me get clean, and gave me guidance while navigating through your own shit.I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for that but take me changing my last name as a down payment."
"Damn, it's stuffy as fuck in here, ain't it?" Wolfe sniffled.
"Nigga, shut your emotional ass up," Crown said, yoking Wolfe up. "Nah forreal, I'm on what this little nigga is on. I'll be honored to share a last name with you niggas. Y'all my brothers, my fucking family. Won't shit come y'all way that I won't stand in front of first."
