A heaviness pooled in my chest as I thought about Choyce and the way she'd dragged her pain into my hands yet again. That truth didn't cancel out the fact that I wasn't there for her. As much as River wanted to believe this wasn't on me, I feltdifferently. I closed my eyes, then opened them, but the guilt didn't budge. For now, I'd carry it until I heard Honey and Navy's side. Their truth was the only one I was willing to believe, but my sister was the one I was willing to protect.
Navy Achebe
Sitting behind my desk,I watched Mekhi in the corner of my office, staring out the window. He hadn't said much since his fight, but that was typical of Mekhi. He knew better than to let his anger get the best of him, so whenever it happened, he shut down. I wanted all the boys here to figure out their own ways to handle their struggles, but silence wasn't one I accepted. Most of the time, those who went quiet weren't really processing. They were bottling it up. Every emotion a boy swallows builds into a man who can't feel, or who clings to the first person who made him believe it was safe to feel again.
Honor was the perfect example of who I didn't want Mekhi to become. He held everything inside, never really processing his emotions or the burden of his own instability. All he knew was death was his freedom. But when I stopped him, something changed inside him. I became Honor's safe haven, his belief, his faith, and, dare I say it, his religion. I loved being that for him, but the burden it carried was suffocating at times. Yesterday was one of those times. I held on to a pain so deep just to keep him safe that it started eating away at me. I didn't want that for whoever Mekhi chose to love, and I didn't want Mekhi thinking love meant breathing for the person you're with.
"Talk to me, Mekhi," I softly urged.
He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and he looked at me. "Ain't nothing to say, Ms. Navy. I did what I had to do."
"I'm sure you can find something more to say," I urged.
"Nah, I can't 'cause none of it matters."
"Why doesn't it matter?"
"No one gives a fuck. My bad for the language, but that's how I'm feeling forreal. I've been here for as long as I can remember. I've seen kids come and go, but you know what I haven't seen? A muthafucka give a fuck about me enough to take me outta this bitch."
His tone was so raw I couldn't even bring myself to call him out on the foul language.
"I care, Mekhi."
"Nah, you don't. You care more than anyone here, yeah… but eventually you leave, and yourcarefades until you return for your next shift," he scoffed.
My eyes doubled in size.
"Is that what you think? That I only come here to collect a check?"
"Tell me something different." He shrugged, sounding nothing like the sweet boy who gets up earlier than everyone else to make sure I get in safely on my early shifts.
"I don't just clock in, Mekhi. The whole reason I bought this place and worked my ass off to get my degree is so I can help boys like you find the light in themselves that the world tries to snuff out. I'm here because I care. I care about everyone in this building, including you. I thought I was doing all I could to show that… but maybe I'm not doing enough."
"I'm just venting, Ms. Navy." He shrugged, letting out a laugh that held no humor. "Ant was mad I didn't want to hit a lick withhim, so he started gassing shit, telling everyone I'm not with that shi… stuff because I think you're going to adopt me."
The hurt in his words cut deeper than the words themselves.
"Mekhi, is that?—"
Three sharp knocks rapped against my door.
"Come in," I called, quickly wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Your three o'clock is here," Tamera informed me, sticking her head into my office.
"Okay. Give me five minutes, then send Mr. Bryant back," I instructed before turning back to Mekhi. "Mekhi I?—"
"I'm good, Ms. Navy, forreal." He stood. "I'll check in later. I'ma go practice on the piano for a few."
"Okay." I smiled, hoping he couldn't see the tears trembling at the brink of my lashes.
I waited until Mekhi left my office, then grabbed my phone to text Wolfe.
Me
I need a favor.
Wolfe
