‘If you are not getting things wrong, I am not sure you are approaching life correctly, Dr Travers,’ she said, turning to him once more. ‘What do you think?’
He smiled back at her. ‘I think you may be on to something there, your grace. Perhaps if we have a little more faith in ourselves, we may both thrive a little more fully?’
Thea thought about this and decided that the best insight often came from the most unassuming people. She stood, brushing the grass from her dress. ‘What say you escort me back to the house? Perhaps we should stop hiding ourselves?’
‘Absolutely,’ said Doctor Travers, straightening his waistcoat and squaring his shoulders. ‘We will have the courage of our convictions in the face of a demeaning society.’
‘And we will go among them with confidence and a charm borne of the assurance of our endeavours,’ said Thea, warming to their game. She held out her arm and he offered his, before pausing.
‘Not for too long though,’ he said, glancing at her. ‘If I am to have the courage of my convictions, one of them is that people exhaust me.’ Just hearing someone articulate something she felt so deeply gave Thea the final boost she needed.
She held up the arm not currently held by Doctor Travers and pointed forwards, as if they went into battle. ‘We will go among them for at least a half an hour or so until we become tired of the company!’ she belted out across the estate.
Doctor Travers laughed a twinkling laugh full of joy. ‘And tomorrow, we study.’
Chapter 26
Thea settled down into the sheets, feeling a strange mixture of embarrassment and hope. As fit the society they were in, nobody had mentioned her little outburst when she returned to the party. But she had felt a strange sort of confidence every time she looked at Doctor Travers and remembered their conversation. The two of them had laughed with Harriet and both Emma and Helena had looked a little put out at her new-found vigour. She quite liked it. George had already retired to the drawing room to drink brandy and port with the gentlemen, and there was even a chance he was so drunk he wouldn’t remember. Perhaps it was acceptable for her to not be like everyone else in the room?
She wriggled to get comfortable in the huge bed. Neville certainly had made his money; the furnishings were opulent and the bed exquisitely comfortable. Four posts raised above her with drapes tied at the corners and a tapestry canopy making her feel at least a little cozy. Her head dropped back into the pillow. Time alone after a day full of noise and people was very welcome.
A knock sounded at the door. There was only one person she could tolerate this being, and she hoped with all her heart that it was her.
‘Come in,’ she said, sitting up a little and pulling the covers around her while she peered at the door.
She wasn’t disappointed.
‘May I join you?’ asked Martha smoothly, her head and shoulders around the door.
‘Of course.’ She was still a little embarrassed by her conduct and alarmed by the story she had heard, but she was beginning to understand why Martha hadn’t said anything.
‘I didn’t know if you would like some time to yourself,’ said Martha, understanding Thea completely as she stepped inside and closed the door. ‘I will go if you wish?’
‘I have calmed down, you will be pleased to know. Please stay.’
Martha stepped a little further into the room. ‘I’m sorry if I upset you,’ she said. ‘I hadn’t meant to keep it from you, but…’
‘I understand,’ said Thea. ‘But I wish you had told me. I felt like a fool.’
‘I know,’ said Martha. ‘I am sorry.’
‘Is there anything else you have been keeping from me?’ asked Thea. ‘That you thought I wouldn’t manage to deal with?’
‘No,’ said Martha. ‘It’s just that it isn’t an incident I want to relive, particularly.’
‘I understand,’ said Thea again. ‘And I overreacted. I have simply felt inadequate recently, and you have had so many experiences that I haven’t been part of. Then Emma and Helena being so objectionable. I should have kept it in.’
‘I’m glad you didn’t,’ said Martha, still standing a few paces away. ‘Even Harriet had a word with Emma while you were gone. It needed saying.’
‘Not in a room full of people including my husband though,’ said Thea, cringing.
‘He was drunk enough that he might not remember,’ said Martha.
‘Let’s hope so.’ But she was determined not to dwell on him and dash her tiny glimmer of optimism.
‘You seemed to feel better after your chat with Doctor Travers?’ asked Martha, sensing that George was not where Thea wanted to linger. ‘Better than I have seen you, recently.’ She came a little closer. ‘I have been worried about you.’
‘I have been a little worried about myself,’ said Thea. ‘But yes, we chatted, and he essentially expressed my own advice back at me. Between us I think we put some things into perspective.’ She smiled with a quiet resolution. ‘He and I both will be endeavouring to judge ourselves less by others’ ideals.’
