‘What is it people like?’ she asked, glancing up at him.
‘Cats and mechanical pigs, it seems,’ said Dr Travers, smiling a little more widely out over the estate. ‘Definitely flames. Not on their own cushions. But for those of us of a more factual bent, at least something involving a little… fun. I used to be great at it.’
Thea looked a little blank. ‘Then why the protracted discussion of thermal transfer?’ She caught herself. ‘Fascinating as it was.’
Dr Travers kicked his heels against the ha-ha wall. ‘There is a lot of criticism about science being diluted for enjoyment,’ he said.
‘Ah,’ she said, understanding. ‘And so, you changed your show?’
‘Yes.’
‘From something that you knew worked?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
Dr Travers thought for a moment. ‘I suppose, in many cases, the people saying this are people I respect. People with incredible minds whose brilliance in science I could never hope to match. And I try to fit in.’ A memory came back to Thea of a time she and Martha had attended one of Dr Gibson’s lectures. He also focussed on physics and had tried to make the death of a bird into entertainment in the name of science. But Meg, ostensibly his assistant but who Thea had later found out was the brains behind the lectures, had stopped him.
‘Let me guess,’ said Thea. ‘They are mathematicians and physicists and make snide comment on anyone who does not conduct study exactly as they see fit?’
Dr Travers smiled and nodded. ‘They don’t always say it; I just feel it.’
Thea felt that statement in her very core. Doctor Travers went on. ‘I question my own judgement and think I should be like them.’
‘When that isn’t your passion or way of being,’ she said.
‘Exactly.’
Thea turned to him for the first time, twisting to sit sideways on the ha-ha. How much they had in common, in their different ways. She thought about how she should express her thoughts and fell back on the words she had heard from Meg that day at the lecture. ‘I once heard something from someone I know little but admire a great deal. She said that the kind of thingyoudo is not pure science, it is entertainment.’ Dr Travers looked like he might not understand, so she went on. ‘Those people you respectmay be experts in their own field, but they are not experts in yours. The communication of science is entirely different to the creation of it. Neither diminishes the other and what you do is just as important.’
A smile tugged at Dr Travers’ lips. ‘I should thank you for standing up for me so vehemently at dinner, even though you knew my delivery was poor.’
Thea leaned back on her arms, looking up at the sky where clouds were edged bright with moonlight. ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have,’ she said. ‘It is not done to disagree with Emma Fairclough, but I cannot bear her superiority. The rest of them follow, apart from Lady Foxmore who you have just met, and Mrs Henry who doesn’t give a fig what anyone thinks of her. I could see you doubting yourself because of them and it did not seem fair.’
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Dr Travers cock his head as he too looked at the stars. ‘And do you give a fig what people think of you?’ He dropped his head to the side and looked at her nervously, ‘I mean, if you don’t mind me asking, Your Grace?’
‘I don’t mind,’ she chuckled, relaxing a little. She liked scientists, and they always seemed to revive her after a stint in society, however disastrous. ‘I do give a fig what people think of me. I have tried not to, but I do.’ It did feel good to admit it. There was something about talking to someone that you had never met before, and might never see again, that engendered honesty. ‘I have to, on one hand, because I am married to a man who demands it. On the other, I usually feel like I know myself when I am with my plants and collections. I have doubted it recently, but if I think about it, I do feel like we are making progress and like my existence means something. But then I come back to the real world with these people in it and that all slips away. They are not interested, and so it seems like everything I am becomes invalid.’
‘Is the validity dependent on their interest?’ asked Doctor Travers. ‘What if the thing you offer is simply different?’
She smiled at him throwing her own point back to her. Then another disappointment from the night reared its head. ‘I so wanted to be the first to germinate that protea. The one that Knatchbull showed the gentlemen today. I am not even important enough for him to gloat to.’ She blinked and looked up at him, scared she had shared too much, but he only smiled at her.
‘And yet the achievements you have still remain – your plants and collections. Lady Foxmore informed me that you are exceedingly accomplished. There will be plants – hundreds more.’
‘But it means nothing,’ said Thea, emotion swelling her chest as she tried to keep it contained. ‘And Lady Foxmore is so wonderfully accomplished. She put herself between a gun and a sacred tiger, for goodness sake. Sometimes I buy an expensive rock.’
‘You build a collection,’ said Dr Travers. ‘You engage in the long and often frustrating process of natural philosophy. It may mean nothing to them, but it does not make your achievements any less or make you any less accomplished or principled.’
‘But that doesn’t matter to them,’ said Thea, ‘you heard how rude they were to you because they weren’t personally interested in your work. They think it is acceptable to lecture someone like yourself, who is doing good work, and allow them to be belittled by people who have never had to fight or work for themselves. They have other challenges of course, and I would never diminish them, but it should not be a pass to superiority.’
‘You think so lowly of yourself, Your Grace,’ said Dr Travers, ‘but if you do not mind me saying, it was only you who stood up for me in there. Your difference made you kind. Perhaps, not following the crowd is often better?’
‘Better, but uncomfortable,’ said Thea, the emotion beginning to turn to resignation.
‘Following the crowd can also be uncomfortable,’ said Dr Travers. ‘You saw my demonstration. We all get things wrong, at times, but we learn, and I have learned tonight. You stick to your principles, and I must stick to mine.’
Thea thought for a moment. It had been uncomfortable, but why should she remain quiet when the ‘polite’ thing to do was so objectionable? Dr Travers was right – she knew where her place was and she shouldn’t allow others to define her. She sat up a little straighter.
