Lost in him.
Chapter 16
ETHAN
My body achedin the best way as I shifted just enough to straighten one of my legs. Unlike the past couple of mornings, I’d awoken a few minutes earlier to find Cain wrapped around the front of my body, rather than the back. It was actually the position he’d fallen asleep in after he’d moved off me enough the night before to pull free of my body and dispose of the condom. He’d fallen asleep before me so I’d gotten to lie there beneath his deliciously heavy body and enjoy the feel of his skin against mine. I’d let my fingers explore his back and even though he’d been asleep, he’d let out more than one breathy sigh as I’d caressed him.
I hadn’t planned to tell him that I loved him, but when he’d started talking about our wedding and me being it for him, I’d been a goner and nothing on this planet would have kept me from telling him how I really felt. I knew his wedding talk had just been a hypothetical he’d come up with, but I clung to the hope that it was something that would be in our future.
It wasn’t lost on me that he hadn’t told me he loved me back, but it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. Maybe because I’d felt the things he hadn’t said through his every touch ashe’d made love to me. I’d felt bad for him that he’d been so uncertain about the logistics of being with me in that way, but once he’d realized he wasn’t hurting me, he’d given me all of himself.
I had no doubt about that.
With Eric, sex had always been another way for him to show me how much power he had over me. He most certainly hadn’t been okay with me ever taking the initiative, like I had with Cain when I’d seen him struggling to get the condom on. On its best day, sex had become a chore with Eric…no different than cooking for him or answering the endless questions about where I’d been all day and what I’d done. At worst, it had been used as a weapon against me…a brutal punishment meant to hurtandhumiliate. Sex with Cain wasn’t even sex. It was us telling each other things that we couldn’t find words for. The way he’d clung to me, the words he’d whispered into my ear after he’d collapsed on top of me, his length still buried deep inside my pulsing body, his hot breath fanning my face as he’d pumped into me, his arms holding me so tight against him that there’d been no room for anything to come between us…all those things were proof that he hadn’t just fucked me to get off.
The best part, even better than my mind-blowing orgasm, was that he’d let me touch him.
Everywhere.
I’d only felt him tense up briefly once and that was when I’d instinctively wrapped my legs around him to keep him close. But his tension hadn’t lasted so I’d held on to him like that the entire time. And the fact that he’d changed our sleeping positions so that it wasmyarms aroundhim, holdinghim, was very telling.
Maybe I’d managed to punch some holes in that brick wall of his after all.
Cain shifted on my chest and I smiled when he nuzzled my nipple. He shifted his hips so that his morning erection was pressed against my hard dick instead of my thigh where it had been while he’d slept.
“Nu-uh,” I said as I bent down to press a kiss to his head. “You need to feed me first.” I gently threaded my fingers through his hair and tilted his head up so I could kiss him for real.
“Morning,” he murmured against my mouth.
“Morning,” I said softly and then I was kissing him deeply. I didn’t care in the least when he levered off me so he could lie flat on top of me. But when he began to place kisses down my neck and chest, I reminded him, “I need to shower first. I didn’t clean up after last night.” I’d barely noticed the cum I’d spewed all over my belly and chest the night before, but I was more than aware of it now, and I knew he was covered in my spunk too since he’d been pressed tight against me when I’d come.
Without the need to even touch myself.
Another first.
“I like the way you taste,” he said softly as he continued to lick at my chest.
And just like that, my dick went from hard to painful and I squirmed against him. “Not fair,” I moaned as he sucked on my neck before soothing the spot with his tongue. “I didn’t get to taste you.”
“We’ll need to do something about that,” Cain murmured against my skin.
“Now,” I blurted out. “We should remedy that now.”
Cain paused and lifted so he could look me in the eye.
“Can I?” I asked.
He nodded. “You’ll be the first,” he said softly.
What?
“You’ve…you’ve never?” I stammered. “But the escorts?” I said and then instantly regretted it since I didn’t want that time in his life to darken what had happened between us…or what I thought was about to happen.
He shook his head. “Too personal,” he murmured. His hand came up to stroke my face. “I like having all these firsts with you.”
“Me too,” I said.
“I’ve been tested,” he said. “I tested negative after my last time with one of the women a couple years ago. I haven’t been with anyone since. I have the results in my email if you want to see.”
