“Did you ever think you’d see me with a husband and three kids, Cain?” he responded. “Things change…people change.”
“What if I can’t?” I whispered, giving voice to the crux of my fear.
“You need to ask him that. I already know the answer, but it won’t mean jack shit coming from me and we both know that.”
I nodded even though the man couldn’t see me. “Ronan, if he has to go into hiding, I’m going with him.”
“I suspected as much,” the man said. “I spoke to Vincent. He’s not sure about the phone. He’s got a few things he needs to try, but he needed to order some parts. Let’s not make any decisions until he knows for sure it’s DOA.”
“Yeah,” I said. “How’s Lucy?” I asked.
“She’s doing as well as can be expected. She helps Seth with Jamie during the day and hangs out with Willow the rest of the time doing whatever it is girls their age do,” he said with a chuckle.
“Good,” I said. “I should let you go back to sleep,” I murmured.
“Talk to Ethan, Cain. Make decisions together instead of making them for him. Don’t learn the hard way that not letting him have his say will just hurt him more.”
“Okay,” I said, though I wasn’t sure it was something I could do. “Night, Ronan.”
“Night.”
I hung up and flicked off the bathroom light. Ethan was still in the same position I’d left him in, but as soon as I crawled into bed with him, he rolled over and plastered himself against my front. I was glad that I no longer felt the need to check his hands or pull away from him in any way. I had no doubt I could get to a point where physical contact with him wasn’t even a question mark anymore – tonight in the shower had proven that. Even with him in the same position I’d often been in with the escorts I’d hired in the past, the experience had been nothing like those encounters. The mirror had been nice, but I hadn’t needed it to know that Ethan had taken as much pleasure from the act as I had. And I’d loved how he’d clung to me at the end as he’d come in my hand, his body’s release coating my skin for the briefest of moments before being washed away by the water. My own orgasm had been more powerful than I’d ever had with anyone else and I hadn’t even been buried inside Ethan’s amazing body. I’d thought I’d need to take things slow so I wouldn’t inadvertently hurt Ethan by pushing him away, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. Tonight had been proof that he just wanted to be with me, no matter how passive a participant he might have to be. But he hadn’t been passive.
Not even close.
No, he hadn’t touched me much, not physically anyway.
But he’d done so much more.
Every word he’d spoken, every whimper that had fallen from his lips…even the fact that he’d trusted me so completely despite what his piece of shit ex had done to him just two weeks ago was proof enough that what Ronan had predicted had happened.
Ethan was touching me even when he didn’t lay a finger on me.
And I’d never felt more at peace in my life.
But the future was a big sticking point for me. I’d meant what I’d told Ronan…if Ethan were forced to continue to hide, even after we eliminated Eric as a threat, I would go with him no matter what. But as much as I wanted to be with Ethan, I couldn’t wish a life of running on him, even if it meant a future with him was more certain. No, he deserved to be with the family he loved and who loved him back. Even if I couldn’t share that life with him.
“You okay?” I heard Ethan ask as his hand settled over my heart. It seemed to be a favorite position for him. Or maybe it was because I’d limited him to so little of my body.
“Yeah,” I said. I thought back to what Ronan had said about letting Ethan decide what was best for him. I reached for the light next to the bed and turned it on. Ethan buried his face in my chest while he let his eyes adjust. “Sorry,” I said as I dropped a kiss to the top of his head. “But I need to ask you something.”
“S’Okay,” he murmured sleepily.
I waited until he was able to look at me before pressing him onto his back. “Hi,” he said with a happy smile.
He’d been doing that a lot lately. I hoped I was the cause.
“Hi,” I whispered before settling my mouth on his. I felt his fingers thread through my hair and shivered at how good it felt. I was so ready to see how good it would feel having him touch me everywhere. But I needed to make sure he and I were on the same page before this went any further.
I forced myself to release his mouth and said, “When things go back to normal, I need to know if you still want this…me.” I put my finger over his lips when I saw that he was going to answer me right away. “I need to know if you still want me even if I can’t change…if I can’t be that guy.”
“What guy?” Ethan asked softly.
“The one in your letter…that damn goodbye letter,” I growled as even the thought of him having had to write that letter pissed me off all over again. “The guy who loves your family as much as you do. I’m not saying I couldn’t love them or that I’d ever make you choose between us because I wouldn’t,” I said hastily. “But I may never be that guy who watches football with your dad at Thanksgiving time or goes fishing with your brothers or dances with your mother at our wedding-”
“Our wedding?” Ethan interjected, his pretty green eyes going wide and his lips spreading into a big smile. “You think about stuff like that?”
“Focus, Ethan,” I said with a smile. “And yes, I think about stuff like that because you’re it for me.”
