“Better?” Cain said softly.
“Yeah,” I said, confused by his reaction.
Cain shook his head and made a move to unbuckle his seatbelt. I grabbed his arm without thinking. He stiffened and I instantly yanked my hand back. “Sorry,” I quickly said.
“It’s okay,” he said after a moment.
When he started to unbuckle again, I said, “What did you mean by that?”
He didn’t respond and I knew it was because he didn’t want to lie to me.
“Please,” I said softly.
Cain hesitated before finally settling his flinty blue eyes on me. “Seems like the fucker told you all that shit so you wouldn’t realize how much “better”youwere thanhim. I’m glad he failed…on all counts, Ethan. Except the weight,” he added gently. “I wish he’d gotten that wrong too because I think you’d look just fine with a few extra pounds.”
With that, he got up and went to the back of the plane. I sat there in stunned silence as I absorbed his words. He returned a moment later and wordlessly handed me a can of soda along with a bag of potato chips. My stomach growled at the sight of the salty goodness, but Eric’s voice in my head was louder.
You like being a fat pig, is that it, Ethan?
Logically I knew I hadn’t been fat when he and I had met and I certainly could use the calories now, but I couldn’t make myself open the bag. Tears of frustration stung my eyes. I glanced at Cain who was watching me intently, but he didn’t tell me to eat the chips.
Why had I been able to find the strength to leave, but I couldn’t find the strength to open the damn bag?
“Talk to me, Ethan,” Cain said softly.
“You’ll think I’m crazy,” I whispered.
“Are you afraid you’re disappointing him somehow?” Cain asked. I flicked my gaze to his as the shame crashed over me.
I managed a nod, but my throat was too tight to actually speak.
“My father used to beat my mother.”
The admission got my attention and I tore my eyes from the bag of chips.
“Just my mother,” he said. “Not me, not my brothers and sisters. She’d bend over backwards to please him, but nothing she ever did was good enough. She could do something like cook him his favorite meal perfectly every single time, but there’d always be that one meal that wasn’t quite up to par.”
I knew from the inflection of his voice what he meant. How well the meal was or wasn’t cooked had absolutely nothing to do with the outcome.
“He just needed an excuse,” I murmured.
Cain nodded. “She did too. Because after he was done with her, she’d look at me and even while I was still cleaning the blood off her face, she’d say, ‘It’ll be better now.’ The next day she’d have this look of peace on her face…like everything in her world was right again.”
“You think I’m like her,” I said, my insides falling at the comparison.
I flinched when Cain grabbed my chin gently in his hand to force me to look at him. “No, I don’t. She wouldn’t have even looked at the chips twice to wonder why she didn’t want them. And she sure as shit wouldn’t have the guts to do what you did for Lucy…for yourself. Eat the chips or don’t eat them, Ethan. Just make sure your decision is for you and nothim.”
He released me and then opened his own bag of chips.
His admission both bothered me and explained a lot. I suspected there was quite a bit he hadn’t told me, but I was shocked he’d said as much as he had. But his words were hard to hear because I didn’t like knowing he had so much insight into things. It would be that much harder to hide the truth.
From him.
From myself.
I reached for the bag of chips and gingerly opened them. The first one tasted so good I wanted to cry. I waited for my stomach to reject the food in some kind of silent tribute to the past, but when nothing happened, I ate another.
And another.
