He began crying in earnest and I turned even more so I could wrap my arms around him. His arms went around me and he began sobbing, his hot tears sliding down my neck. When he settled, he clung to me for a moment before pulling back and wiping at his face. “The police showed up at my door a few hours later and told me what happened. Witnesses at the zoo said Amani had been crying outside one of the exhibits and nothing the guy did could calm her down.” Phoenix’s voice cracked as he said, “She was asking for me.”
I couldn’t stem my own tears and had to use my sleeve to wipe them away so I could focus on the man before me.
“People said the guy got more and more agitated as more people stopped to try to help with the situation. He started yelling at them to leave him alone. When a security guard tried to intervene, the man hit him. He grabbed Amani to leave, but she fought him and told him she wanted her daddy. When a Good Samaritan went to stop him, he released Amani so suddenly that she fell, and as she went down, she hit her head on a cement pillar.”
Phoenix sucked in a deep breath as he tried to calm himself down. His fingers were wrapped around my own in a brutal hold, but I didn’t care in the least.
“The guy left her there…just fucking left her there. The cops took me to the hospital where the doctors told me Amani had suffered a head injury. We had to wait for a few days for the swelling in her brain to go down. She finally opened her eyes about a week later. I was so fucking relieved,” Phoenix said. “I thought everything was going to be okay. I…I didn’t understand what the doctors were telling me at first because it didn’t make sense. I mean, her eyes were open. She was able to move a little. But the doctors told me that she wasn’t really awake…not in a meaningful way. And that her movements were nothing more than reflexes.”
“What…what was wrong with her?” I asked, my heart in my throat.
“They said she was in a vegetative state and that the longer she was in it, the more likely it would be permanent.”
I shook my head. “No,” I whispered.
“I knew they were wrong. My girl was strong…she’d come out of it and we’d go home and everything would be okay.” Phoenix’s eyes connected with mine. “It’s been a little over a year,” he said hoarsely. “I…I go to see her and she…she keeps growing up. Sometimes she’ll open her eyes and she’ll look right at me and I’ll be so sure she’s going to smile at me and say, ‘Daddy, I’m back, did you miss me?’”
I couldn’t bear to hear anymore and pushed myself into his arms. “I’m so fucking sorry,” I whispered. I felt another sob catch in his throat and then he just held me. I pressed kisses against his temple, cheek and any other parts of him I could reach as I waited for the trembling in his body to ease. When he finally settled, I pulled back and wiped at his tears while he did the same for me. Several minutes passed before I found the strength to ask, “What happened to the guy?” I couldn’t call the man Amani’s father because I was looking at Amani’s father.
“Cops went to his place to arrest him and found him dead. He’d shot himself. It turned out he’d been honorably discharged from the military because he was suffering from severe PTSD. The police think the altercation with the security guard set off an episode and that the guy hadn’t really realized what he was doing. He left a note saying he was sorry…nothing more.” Phoenix took a deep breath. “I moved Amani out here a year ago when a friend from my former unit heard about what had happened and helped set me up with a job. Amani needs round-the-clock care so she has to be in a special long-term care facility, but…I just couldn’t bring myself not to set up her room, you know?”
I nodded. “I do,” I said gently. As painful as hoping his daughtermight someday recover had to be for Phoenix, the alternative had to be even worse.
“Do you…do you think you might want to meet her someday?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said as I shifted up enough so I could kiss him. “I would really like that.”
I didn’t care that it would just bind me more to this man. I’d accepted that I was going to lose him. I’d take whatever time I could get with him.
But as Phoenix drew my injured hand up to his mouth and pressed a kiss into my palm before letting his finger trail over the edge of the white bandage that was wrapped around my wrist, I knew I’d likely never even get the chance to meet his daughter.
“My turn,” I whispered, more to myself than him, and then I turned around so my back was once again pressed against his chest.
Because no way in hell I could look at him while I told him the story that would make him finally realize he’d made a mistake that day in the alley when he’d come to my rescue.
Chapter 14
Phoenix
Partof me didn’t want to hear Levi’s story because it would be so much easier just to sit in silence and watch the sun come up as we huddled under the blanket together. It wasn’t that I needed life to be easy because I wasn’t that naïve. Buteasieron occasion wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Between the events of the previous night and sharing my own story of loss, I was feeling pretty raw and I would have liked to pretend we were just a normal couple watching the sun rise after a night of romance and passion. But I also needed answers because I’d never been more confused in my life. None of the pieces I had about Levi made sense. How someone as sweet and kind as him could have ended up here.
In short, I needed to know who the hell it was I was quite possibly falling in love with.
Because I knew that was what was happening to me. Despite the terrible things Levi had done to Seth and his family, I could no longer judge him on that one act. But I couldn’t dismiss the possibility that he might very well be guilty of what Ronan was accusing him of in terms of targeting Seth again.
“I knew there was something wrong with Ricky pretty early on,”Levi murmured. “I think my parents thought it was just typical brother stuff when he broke my toys or picked on me. But there was just something about the way he’d look at me…like breaking my toys was just the opening act. I was still young when he started really acting out. He’d just turned ten when he physically attacked another boy at school for no reason whatsoever, other than he wanted to see how it felt to make the boy bleed. My father had always believed in that saying about sparing the rod, spoiling the child. My mom went the opposite way and tended to baby us. Neither way worked with Ricky,” Levi said softly.
“One night at dinner a few months after he attacked the other kid, everything changed. We were eating like we normally did and my parents were talking about some troubles my dad was having at work or something…I was only five so I wasn’t all that interested. Anyway, Ricky started to get up to leave the table, but my mom stopped him and told him to finish his carrots. Then she went back to talking to my dad. Ricky didn’t say a thing…not one single word as he stabbed my mother through the hand with his fork. Then he calmly got up and left the table.”
I tightened my grip on Levi as I felt him tremble in my arms. I moved one hand, placing it on his wrist that grasped the arm I had wrapped around his chest. Luckily, his skin was still warm, but I left my hand there so I could hopefully catch any changes in his temperature as he talked.
“My mother was afraid of Ricky after that. My father too. He’d still discipline Ricky, but he never laid a hand on him again. I wasn’t so lucky.”
“He beat you?” I asked.
Levi nodded. “He’d especially get mad if I tattled on Ricky for things. I think he didn’t like hearing how messed up Ricky was…like he saw it as a personal failure or something.”
