I considered what he was telling me for a moment. I knew enough about his routine to know he worked until five in the morning. If he started babysitting at eight, it meant he only got a few hours of sleep each day. Even if he wasn’t babysitting Henry every day, it was still a brutal schedule.
“What happened today?” I asked.
“I called Dina while you were getting the formula ready. She dropped Henry off with my dad last night because she had a date,” Levi said, the anger in his voice clear. “I’ve told her not to leave Henry with Dad, but if I’m even a little bit late getting to her place to babysit, she does it anyway. Dad’s softened a bit towards Henry, but you saw that he’s not exactly attentive.”
That was an understatement if I’d ever heard one.
“Do you have a place he can sleep?” Levi asked.
I nodded and then went over to him and carefully helped him stand. I ignored the heat that sparked between us at even the minimal contact and motioned to the hallway. “The bedrooms are back here.”
I contemplated where to put Henry for his nap, but the only place that made sense also wasn’t acceptable to me. Mostly because it would mean I’d have to answer questions I didn’t want to. So, when I reached the first door, I turned to Levi and said. “My room is at the end of the hallway. Would you mind waiting in there and I’ll bring a mattress in there that we can put on the floor?”
I could see the curiosity in Levi’s eyes as he nodded and turned away. I waited until his back was to me before I steeled myself and forced my hand to turn the doorknob of the one room in my house that caused me unbearable pain every time I entered it.
Chapter 9
Levi
I shouldn’t have pausedand looked back as Phoenix entered the room, but I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t see much…only enough to leave me with more questions than answers.
Pink paint on the walls.
What looked like a tree with all sorts of different colored leaves stenciled on the wall.
A huge stuffed polar bear in the corner.
That was it…but it was enough. Not to mention the fact that Phoenix had looked at the door before he’d opened it like it was the gate to hell.
I walked down to the end of the hallway. The door to Phoenix’s room was already open, so I was able to walk in without having to shift Henry’s weight and disturb his sleep. I was still reeling from the near miss this morning. I was sure my heart had stopped in the moment I’d seen the baby sitting out on that fire escape.
Tears pricked the backs of my eyes as I relived the moment.
Henry was the only reason I was still here. There’d been so many times after I’d gotten out of prison that I’d been tempted to take the entire bottle of sleeping pills my mother had left behind years earlier, but the second I’d learned that Dina was pregnant withmy nephew, I’d flushed the pills down the toilet. And as hard as things had been in the year since Dina had shown up on our doorstep, every extra hour I’d had to work, every beating I’d had to endure after I’d been forced to keep living with my father so I could give Dina the money I’d been saving up for my own place had been worth it, because I’d instantly fallen in love with the little boy who’d looked up at me with innocent, trusting eyes.
He’d needed me, though I was starting to wonder if I wasn’t the one who’d ended up needing him even more.
I looked around Phoenix’s room and was immediately drawn to the far side of it where there was a set of double doors leading to a balcony that overlooked the water. I noticed just one patio chair sitting on the balcony and wondered perversely if it meant Phoenix was single.
Not that it mattered. Despite having spent more time with him than I’d ever spent with anyone outside of my immediate family, Henry and my cellmate, Hank, I knew what we were…and weren’t.
We absolutely hadn’t been on dates. I’d reminded myself of that repeatedly every morning as I’d walked out of the grocery store that first morning to see Phoenix waiting for me.
And not just sitting in the car either.
No, he’d actually been leaning against the passenger side of the SUV so that he could open the door for me. Every time I saw him like that, I remembered one of the many movies I’d watched as a kid – chick flicks my brother had called them. I’d fallen head over heels for the guy inSixteen Candlesas he’d leaned against his red Porsche waiting for Molly Ringwald’s character to come out of the church. I’d watched that moment over and over, dreaming the gorgeous Jake was waiting forme, opening that car door forme, stealingmeaway from the world.
I wasn’t foolish enough to think I’d found my very own Jake, but I’d let myself pretend for the few seconds that it took for me to reach him that he was there for the same reason Jake had been there for Samantha.
Because he wanted to be with me.
But I knew the real reason. Phoenix was like Jake in a lot ofways – he was good, decent, honorable and protective. He was the hero of the story, but I was just the villain pretending to be someone else.
Guys like Phoenix didn’t want guys like me. Even if by some miracle I could undo that night seven years ago, I still wouldn’t measure up. Phoenix had seen proof of that today.
Twice.
First with the humiliating turn of events as I’d tried to figure out something as simple as calculating a tip, a task most people could do in seconds. And second, with my father’s outburst. I automatically glanced down at my arm to make sure my sleeve was still fully pulled down.
