“Three…you can ask me three questions each time, but I may not answer them.”
I figured that was the best I was going to get out of him so I said, “Agreed.”
“My first rule stands. You don’t see anyone else while we’re fucking.”
The fact that he made sure to use the crude word to describe the relationship wasn’t lost on me, but I pushed past it and straightened and stepped forward until I was in his space. “I have the same rule,” I declared and then I reached up to drag him down for a kiss.
“No one finds out about this…us,” Memphis added between kisses.
It was another reminder that what was happening was only marginally above being a cheap hook-up, but it wasn’t a huge sticking point. I wasn’t exactly excited about the prospect of having to admit to anyone in my family that I was seeing a guy purely for sex...well, to clarify, that sex was the only reason he was seeing me. I was hoping sex would lead to something more.
“Okay,” I said and I pulled back. “Can I ask you my first three questions?”
Memphis was breathing hard as he leaned back and studied me. “Can you talk and get naked at the same time?” he asked as he reached up to tug at the buttons of his shirt.
“Hell yeah,” I said as I kicked off my shoes and threw out the first of what I hoped would be many questions to come.
His favorite color was black.
His second favorite color was white.
I hadn’t bothered to ask his third because I had a sneaking suspicion of what his answer would be. And of course, he’d counted my questions about his favorite color and second favorite color as two separate questions. When I’d upped the ante with my third question about whether or not he had a family, he’d simply said, “Veto,” and then had silenced me with a kiss.
I got smart about what kinds of questions to ask after that. I steered clear of topics I knew he probably wouldn’t be open about including work and prior relationships and stuck to the basics.
He loved jazz.
He hated comedy movies.
He read…a lot.
And while the questions hadn’t necessarily helped me figure out what made the man tick, I’d gleaned a lot just from his other habits. Like the fact that he never seemed to sleep. While I was always out within a few minutes after the many rounds of marathon sex we’d had in the past week, I’d never woken up with him beside me. But he never left the bed before I drifted off either, so that seemed like progress to me.
The second time we’d met at the Pacific Hotel, I’d gotten up at one point in the middle of the night to see if he’d ditched me, only to find him sitting in the living room, his eyes glued to his phone. I hadn’t heard any noise coming from the phone, but he’d been staring at it like nothing else had existed. As I’d gotten closer to him, he’d finally become aware of my presence and he’d shut the phone down. But not before I’d seen that he’d been watching a video. And while he’d reacted quickly enough to keep me from seeing what he’dbeen looking at, it had taken him longer to wipe the anguish from his eyes. I’d ended up straddling his lap and kissing him just to try to take away some of the pain I could feel rolling off him and then I’d asked him to come back to bed. He had, but we hadn’t slept. No, he’d made love to me. Not fucking…making love. There was just no other way to explain what we’d shared in that moment.
In all the other times we’d been together, it had always felt like Memphis had given before he’d taken. And while he’d clearly wanted me each time, I hadn’t ever been sure he’d needed me. That night I was sure. Because the entire time he’d been pleasuring me, it had felt like it was something he’d needed more than anything else in that moment. I’d gotten to watch the pain drift away to be replaced with something else…something that was more than him getting us both off.
It had only been ten days since we’d agreed to pursue a relationship that I still couldn’t quite put a label on. It wasn’t purely sex because he did little things for me that a hook-up wouldn’t have done. He brought me coffee in bed one morning and it had been prepared exactly like I liked it. Another time he’d ordered room service and we’d sat naked in bed eating while he’d asked me all sorts of questions about my work at my uncle’s car shop and my reasons for going to graduate school to get my MBA. He’d steered clear of most of the same topics he didn’t like to be questioned about, but I’d still been thrilled that he’d shown any interest at all in learning more about me. But the sweetest things and the most unexpected were the extra little touches he bestowed on me. Like while we’d been eating, he’d used his thumb to wipe away some marinara sauce from the corner of my mouth. After we had sex, he always held me close to his chest and played with my hair until I fell asleep. When it was time for me to wake up in the morning, he’d place soft kisses all over my face until I opened my eyes and then he’d tell me good morning and kiss me on the mouth.
In ten days, he’d driven up to Seattle six times. Six nights of incredible sex, six mornings where I’d had to say goodbye and wonder if it would be the last time I’d see him. Ten days, six nightsand endless hours thinking about him and wondering how I’d managed to start losing my heart to someone I barely knew.
It was also ten days of lying to the other man who still held a piece of me despite the burgeoning feelings I had for Memphis.
The morning after my first night with Memphis, I’d gone directly to work and texted Tristan that I’d spent the night at work and that I’d see him later that day when I got home. That had been my first lie.
That night, Tristan had asked me if I’d gotten things squared away with the customer and I’d had no idea what he was talking about until he’d reminded me of the real first lie I’d told him about why I’d had to leave the night before when Memphis had texted me.
And I was about to tell him yet another lie since I had no doubt he’d once again ask me how working late the night before had gone. It was Saturday so I didn’t have to go to work, so after saying my goodbyes to Memphis, I’d gone home. The fact that I was working so hard to keep my rendezvous with a virtual stranger a secret should have been enough to remind me that if it was something I felt the need to lie about, it probably wasn’t something I should be doing. But the idea of giving up on something with Memphis was unacceptable to me, not when I’d finally started to see a fissure in the wall he kept around himself. So as I unlocked the apartment door, I steeled myself to keep the truth from my friend a little while longer.
But the apartment was quiet when I entered and I hadn’t even thought to check to see if Tristan’s car was parked out front. I knocked on his bedroom door and quietly pushed it open when there was no answer, but he wasn’t there. With it being seven o clock in the morning, I hadn’t expected him to be gone. Worry niggled at me at first, then a streak of jealousy flashed through me as I realized he could very well have spent the night with someone just like I had. I had no idea if Tristan’s high school girlfriend was home for the summer. Hell, I hadn’t even asked him if he was still seeing her or if he’d met someone at Juilliard. Either way, the idea of him with someone else burned through me like acid.
I went back to the kitchen and pulled out my phone to text him, but the door opened before I could even wake the phone up.
“Hi,” I said to Tristan as he pushed the door closed and cast a glance my way.
“Hi,” he returned, but he refused to look at me for longer than a second. I was surprised by his appearance. Not that there was anything outwardly wrong with it…more like something was off. His shoulders were hunched and his skin seemed pale. There were dark smudges under his eyes and he was holding his arms around his body like he was trying to stay warm or something. But more than anything, it was the fact that he wouldn’t look at me that had alarm bells going off.
“Are you okay?” I asked as I closed the distance between us.
