If I’d been drinkingthe coffee when Memphis spoke, I would have spewed it all over the place for sure, because that was the very last thing I expected him to say.
And I didn’t need to think on my answer for even a second, but I at least had enough common sense not to blurt that out. Because there was something in the way he’d made the statement…like whatever conditions he had, and I had no doubt there would be several of them, would be mine to bear alone.
I put the mug down and waited, knowing that my answer wouldn’t likely change no matter what he wanted from me. Last night had been nothing like I’d thought it would be. Yes, it had started off the way I’d figured it would when Memphis had fucked me against the couch. And I’d loved it…even the lack of preparation and not facing him when he’d taken me hadn’t lessened the raw need I’d felt coursing through me. In so many ways, Memphis was a man who appeared to be in control all the time. Last night had been proof that even he had his limits and I was apparently one of them.
It was a heady thing to know – that a man like him was as desperate for me as I was for him.
I’d fully expected him to ask me to leave after the first time. I’dexpected the same thing after things had gotten heavy in the shower. After he’d fucked me on the bathroom floor, I’d stopped worrying about it and had just enjoyed every second of being with him. By the third time when he’d fucked me long and slow and sweetly, I’d known I was in deep shit. Because as he’d taken his time loving me, I’d started to feel more than just lust and raw need. I’d begun to crave seeing the smile I’d seen when I’d found that ticklish spot and I’d replayed the sound of his laugh over and over in my head and wondered what other things I could do or say just so I could hear it again. I’d reveled at how he’d touched me in ways that hadn’t been just about driving me insane with need. Like when he’d fingered the scar on my side where the bullet had entered my body and then placed gentle kisses all around it.
I’d come first and like all the other times, I hadn’t been able to keep my emotions in check as my body had cried out in relief. But I’d come back to myself enough to hear him whisper my name in my ear as he’d come apart in my arms a few moments later.
“Telling you I want it isn’t enough, is it?” I guessed as I pushed the mug away and folded my arms on the counter in front of me.
When Memphis didn’t answer, I nodded and said, “Tell me what I have to do to convince you…”
Memphis took another sip of his coffee before putting it down on the counter. I hated how suddenly calm and collected he looked while my insides were rolling around like they were on some fucked-up amusement ride.
“Has there been anyone else since the motel?”
The edge to Memphis’s tone surprised me as did the question. “No,” I said automatically. I could tell that he wasn’t one hundred percent convinced of my answer and that stung more than I wanted to admit.
A lot more.
“You don’t believe me?” I asked when he didn’t say anything.
When he remained silent and then reached for his coffee like he hadn’t just indirectly accused me of lying, I shook my head. The anger that flooded through me was a surprise. Yeah, the sex had been mind-blowing and I’d held out for more with some of theother moments that had happened last night, but was I really going to throw away every part of myself for that?
Ten seconds ago I would have said yes to anything Memphis demanded, but I realized that wasn’t true. Maybe I wasn’t the most sexually-experienced guy, but I wasn’t a fucking doormat either. I’d seen men and women like that. My own mother had been like that.
“You know what, fuck you,” I said as I climbed to my feet. “Thanks for the coffee,” I muttered as I began walking towards the door.
“You knew my rule going into this-” Memphis began and I could tell he was somewhere behind me, but when I spun around, I nearly slammed into him.
“Your rules don’t mean shit if you don’t trust me to tell you the truth,” I snapped. “I’ve held nothing back!” I added. I hated that my voice cracked when I said, “That first time in the motel room I let you see things…” I shook my head. “You know what, forget it. The sex was great, but not worth this bullshit.”
I had my hand on the door handle when Memphis grabbed me and spun me around, slamming me back against the door. “My second rule is that you don’t lie to me. Ever!”
He kissed me hard and as much as I wanted to resist him, I couldn’t. When he tore his mouth from mine, he said, “No one comes as hard and as beautifully as you do for just great sex,” he snarled. He kissed me again until I felt boneless, but I managed to pull my mouth from his so I could try to get control of myself.
“Myfirst rule is that you don’t assume I’m like whatever asshole who treated you like shit in the past,” I bit out.
Memphis stilled, though he still had me pinned to the door, his big hands holding onto my upper arms to prevent me from escaping. But the last thing I was interested in was escaping.
“Fair enough,” he finally said as he eased his grip on me and stepped back. “I’m not interested in starting up something. This thing between us – it just stays physical.”
The statement wasn’t a surprise since I knew things with Memphis wouldn’t be easy, but actually hearing him say it still hurt. “Not good enough,” I finally said, though it nearly killed me to say it.
“Brennan-”
“You don’t want a relationship, fine…I get that. But I’m not going to be just a hook-up. Some toy for you to play with and walk away from without even a word.”
Memphis was quiet for a moment before finally nodding. “Fine. What else?”
I bit back my surprise at his acquiescence. My mind raced at the shift in conversation. “Every time we meet, I get to ask you questions about yourself.”
“No.”
I wanted to both laugh and gnash my teeth at the clipped answer. God, this man was frustrating. “Memphis,” I murmured with a sigh.
