When Memphis didn’t respond, I tried to turn so I could see him, but his weight was restricting my movements. “I still want it…I just don’t know what to do,” I stammered. When he still didn’t say anything, I closed my eyes and bit back the shame that coursed through. “Please, Memphis, please…I need this so badly.”
“Why?” Memphis finally whispered against my ear.
“I don’t know,” I answered in all honesty. “I just do.”
“You should share this with someone who means something to you,” Memphis said quietly.
I knew I should come up with some flippant response to diffuse the sudden intense shift this encounter had taken, but I couldn’t force myself to do it. So I told him the truth.
“I am.”
Chapter 5
MEMPHIS
They werethe last words I expected to hear. And they should have had me climbing off of Brennan, dragging my clothes on over my painfully hard cock and getting the hell out of there. Everything about this had gone terribly, horribly, beautifully wrong!
I’d like to say I’d been in control from the moment Brennan had walked through the door, but it was complete and utter bullshit. I’d managed to fake it pretty good, but the second he’d touched me, I’d forgotten that I was just supposed to fuck him and be done with it. I’d even let him touch me in ways that no man had in years. It was a level of intimacy that I’d promised myself I’d never allow anyone else to have again.
Ever.
Except that was exactly what I’d done.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t ever bottomed before or that I didn’t like it. I actually did like it. In the past, I’d even craved it. But it wasn’t the act itself I no longer wanted – it was the need to trust that went along with it.
Maybe if Brennan hadn’t looked up at me in that moment to gain my permission, I could have ordered him to release me, shoved him down on the bed and fucked him until I was done with him.But one look into his desire-filled eyes and I’d known I would give him what he wanted…what I wanted. Hell, if he’d asked me if he could fuck me in that moment, I probably would have told him yes.
I’d managed to keep from spilling down his throat like I’d so badly wanted, but even once I’d had him flat on his back, I still hadn’t been able to rut into him like I’d planned. I’d been able to get control of my lust enough that I could explore him the way I’d wanted to, but with every touch, every kiss I’d laid on Brennan, he’d become more and more desperate. His body had been shaking violently beneath mine and he’d been breathing so harshly that I’d momentarily wondered if he was having some kind of panic attack. And then I’d heard him whisper that desperate plea.
Please.
One word that would have sounded like a normal sign of pleasure from an ordinary lover, but from Brennan it had actually sounded painful. And I’d realized how close he was and needed help to go over. I’d never in my life seen someone so desperate to come…felt it in every look, every harsh breath, every whispered word. I could have fucked him then and there and made quick work of getting us both off, but I’d been so intrigued by the mix of fear and hope in his voice, that I’d needed something more from the act.
And never in a million years would I regret what I’d done. Because watching Brennan come apart like that, feeling it…
I hadn’t even thought once about my own pleasure as I’d sent my young lover over the edge. And while I suspected his need had had little do to with any one particular physical thing I’d done to him to drive him into such a state, I was too afraid to consider what was really the driving factor behind the whole thing. Maybe he was like that with all his lovers.
I hadn’t dwelled on it too much because I was actually afraid of the answer either way. I’d simply held him and brought him down and then started to work him back up. It hadn’t taken long at all to get him back with me and my own intense need had ratcheted up even higher when Brennan had stroked my face after letting me know he was still with me.
But as soon as I’d flipped him over, I’d felt the change in him. Itwas normal for a guy to be a little tense when taking on a new lover for the first time, but Brennan’s body had been drawn so tight that no amount of my prepping him would have relaxed him. Even as I’d pushed my finger into his body, he hadn’t seemed to know what to do to ease the discomfort and the warning bells had started ringing. The crescendo had come when he’d cried out into the pillow he’d been holding onto with a near death grip.
The idea that Brennan hadn’t ever allowed another man to take him shouldn’t have brought me so much pleasure. But that wasn’t even the worst of it.
No, it was those two fucking words.
I am.
No way in hell was I the someone he should share something so important with. No fucking way. But I didn’t say that as I let my body sink farther down on him, his chilled skin once again finally warming up.
It was sex damn it! Fucking. Nothing else. Why the hell had he gone and changed the rules on me? And why the hell was that fact not going to change anything?
Not a damn thing.
I used my arms to lift myself off of Brennan just a little bit and said, “Turn over.”
His eagerness to do my bidding was just another nail in my coffin. No one, not even the man I’d spent so much of my adult life wanting more than anything else, had ever had such an effect on me as the young man lying beneath me.
I kissed Brennan slowly and thoroughly until he began pushing his hips up against mine and his hands gripped my back desperately. But it wasn’t until he was bucking desperately beneath me that I reached for the packet of lube and the condom lying on the bed just a few inches from our hot, sweaty bodies. I had to release Brennan long enough to get the condom on and cover it with lube as well as put a generous amount on my finger, but Brennan barely seemed to notice because the second I was done, he wrapped himself completely around me and his mouth skimmed over any part of me he could reach. He locked his legs around my ass and I actuallyregretted having to put some space between us so that I could maneuver my hand between our bodies. Brennan dropped his legs and I used my arm to drape his right one over my shoulder. The position gave me the access I needed, but the second I touched Brennan’s hole, his body locked up tight.
