She was back in my arms a second later and I dropped my chin to the top of her head. “I know,” I said softly. “Me too.”
“Here,” I heard Dante say and I saw he had both a glass of water and the entire roll of paper towels from the kitchen.
“Thanks,” I said as I tore off a section from the paper towels and gently pushed the girl back and handed it to her. I tucked the few tendrils of hair that had escaped the clip back from her wet skin. When she’d dried her face, I gave her another paper towel to hang on to since her eyes had filled with more tears. She drank some of the water next and when she seemed more in control of herself I said, “Rachel, this is my friend Dante. Dante, this is Rachel Harris. She is…was Jenna’s best friend.”
“Hi Rachel,” Dante said softly.
Rachel nodded and then managed to squeak out a “Hi.”
“Why don’t we go sit down?” I said as I motioned to the porch.
“Um…can we maybe go see the horses?” she asked as she wiped at her eyes again.
“Sure,” I said.
“I’ll just let you two talk,” Dante murmured, but when he turned away to return to the house, I grabbed his arm. I couldn’t explain why, but I didn’t want him to go. There was just too much unresolved shit between us and even though I couldn’t talk to him about it right now, it felt like that chasm would widen even further if he walked away.
“Why don’t you come meet the horses?” I asked, though he and I knew he’d already met them.
Dante hesitated before nodding.
“Rachel’s been taking care of my horses while I was out of town,” I explained to Dante as we began walking around the side of the house towards the barn. “She and Jenna are both horse crazy.”
Using the present tense in reference to my daughter made my chest hurt, but I kept it together. It wasn’t a surprise that Rachel wanted to go see the horses…I knew she’d grown quite attached to them and they would offer her the comfort she needed right now.
More guilt weighed me down as I focused on Rachel and said, “Rachel, I was hoping to tell you myself about Jenna.”
I’d been in too much of a hurry to leave town to get to Matty to take the time to tell anyone about Jenna’s death besides my captain and a few people at work. And telling her friends, Rachel especially, over the phone or via text hadn’t seemed right.
“How did you find out?” I asked.
“Um, my boyfriend, Ronnie…Ronald…he works part-time for Mr. Embrick down at the cemetery and he said…he said that they got a headstone a few days ago with Jenna’s name on it. Mr. Embrick told him you’d called yesterday to say you were back in town and that you were gonna stop by and pick out…pick out the spot where you wanted to put it.”
“I’m sorry, Rachel. I was going to tell you later this week when I saw you.”
Rachel nodded. “I was going to call you to ask you if it was true, but I guess I didn’t really want to know.”
I nodded in understanding.
Rachel stopped and turned to face me. More tears threatened as she whispered, “Did they…did they find Matthew too?”
“He’s fine,” I quickly said, ignoring how strange it sounded to hear my grandson being referred to by his full name instead of the nickname Tate had given to him. Tate had explained to me that he’d needed to change his and Matty’s names when they’d gone on the run, so he’d picked something for Matty that was close to his real name and less likely to confuse him.
“He is?” she asked, as she sent me a shaky smile.
“He is,” I confirmed. “He’s staying with friends,” I added, not wanting to get into Matty’s cancer diagnosis or the custody arrangement.
Rachel hugged me again. “That’s good,” she whispered. “She loved him so much.”
I felt my own eyes burning. Rachel was one of the few girls who hadn’t abandoned Jenna when she’d gotten pregnant. Things hadn’t been easy for my daughter after her pregnancy had been discovered – she’d been called a host of derogatory names by those she’d once considered friends and I’d actually had to have her transferred to another school in the next town over after the bullying had become too much for her. But after her addiction had spun out of control after Matty’s birth, no amount of cajoling had been enough to keep the school from kicking her out, especially after drugs were found in her locker.
Rachel had stuck by her through it all and it was only when I saw the two girls laughing and having fun together that I got to see glimpses of the young girl my child should have been, instead of the addict she’d become. I’d been worried that Jenna’s addictions would rub off on Rachel, but from everything I could see, Rachel had steered clear of the same pitfalls that had ensnared my daughter.
Rachel released me and we began walking again. “Do the police know how Jenna died?” she asked. “Ronnie said there was no…”
The young woman’s voice dropped off for a moment before she managed to get out “body.”
Pain ratcheted through me as I said, “They didn’t find her, but there was a witness who confirmed she’s gone.” I hoped that was enough because I felt like I was going to throw up as images of my daughter in her final moments went through my head.
