“I left him there on the floor of my garage covered in blood. Ididn’t even remember doing it until I saw him the next day, his face all bruised up. I left after that. Never spoke to him or my mom again. I started staying in shitty motels and drinking myself into a stupor every night. When it got to be too much, I bought a gun off the streets. I met Ronan a couple weeks after I was released from the psych ward.”
“How’d you meet?”
“He found me. No idea how. I was just sitting in this bar and there he was. He asked me all sorts of questions about my past, my job as a cop. I finally told him to fuck off. When he wouldn’t stop hassling me, I took a swing at him. Then the cops showed up and I spent the night in the drunk tank. A cop I used to work with told me the news the next morning when he released me.”
“What news?”
“My son’s killer was murdered the night before. Shot execution style in his own house.”
“Fuck,” I murmured.
“The cop said if I hadn’t been in the drunk tank, I’d have been their first suspect.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Ronan set you up so you’d have an alibi.”
Mace nodded. “The guy raped another boy a few months after he was acquitted. The kid survived but had brain damage from lack of oxygen. The fucker had strangled him and left him for dead but some hikers found him in time.”
“So Ronan took him out.”
“He approached me a few days later. Offered me a chance to make sure what happened to Evan didn’t happen to other kids. He got me sober and then gave me a reason to stay that way.”
Mace looked at the beer in front of him. “I like testing myself,” he said as he fingered the label. “I like knowing I’m still stronger than it.” Mace twisted the top off the beer and then rose and went to the sink and dumped it out.
“Jonas was right, wasn’t he?” I said.
Mace leaned against the counter but didn’t look at me. “They were just monsters to me at first. I only saw the face of the man whokilled my son when I looked through the scope of my rifle. I only heard Evan calling out for me when I pulled the trigger. Then I started seeing everything else. Their wives, their kids…the people who loved them because they didn’t know the evil that lay beneath the suit and tie or the high powered job or the charming smile. The way my parents and Shel and Evan loved me.”
“You’re not like those men, Mace,” I said.
“You sure about that, Cole? Because I wonder every time I pull that trigger if I’m doing it to protect future victims or if I’m doing it to avenge one past one.”
I got up and went to stand behind Mace who was still leaning over the sink, his fingers gripping the edge. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and said, “Then don’t do this, Mace. We’ll find another way.”
Mace’s hand came up to cover one of mine. “He’ll never be safe, Cole. You know that.”
Mace turned around to face me. “One last job and I’m out.” Mace kissed me before pulling free of my hold. “I’m going to go get some air.”
I watched him leave the kitchen and heard the front door open and close. I went on autopilot after that and started preparing the dinner that I knew no one would eat.
When I openedthe door to the master bedroom, I was pleased to see two things. One, that Jonas had eaten a little bit of the dinner I’d left on the nightstand while he’d been in the shower and two, that he’d found the sketchpad and pencils I’d left on the bed for him. He was so engrossed with whatever he was sketching that he didn’t even notice me until I stopped next to the bed.
“Thank you,” he said as he lifted the sketchpad just a little. I nodded and climbed on the bed next to him and leaned back against the headboard. I’d bought the sketchpad the day before when I’d gone to check on my father. With all that had happened, it felt like a lifetime ago.
“The guy at the store picked out the pencils since I didn’t know which ones would work.”
“They’re perfect,” Jonas said and he leaned over and kissed me. I could tell that drawing had relaxed him because his whole body seemed more at ease. Unfortunately, his eyes still looked haunted.
“Did he leave?” Jonas asked, his fingers working furiously on whatever he was drawing.
“No. He just needed some time to clear his head. I saw him walking down the driveway an hour ago.”
Jonas nodded.
“How are Casey and Devlin doing?”
“Okay considering what’s happened. They were both really scared about possibly losing the baby but the doctors are sure she’ll be able to carry it to term if she doesn’t get too stressed. They wanted me to come out there to stay with them but I told them it wasn’t safe.”
He fell silent as he focused on his work.
