“I need you to be safe,” I whispered.
“And I need you to be whole.”
I closed my eyes to try and get my bearings but all I saw was the red laser sight bouncing on Jonas’s chest as we’d stood in the gallery. If I’d been looking somewhere else or if my reflexes had been even a millisecond slower…
I steeled myself as I opened my eyes. I closed my hand over one of Jonas’s wrists where he continued to gently cup my face. “I love you too much not to do this,” I finally said.
Jonas’s face fell and he dropped his hands. “And I love you too much to let you.” With that, Jonas left the kitchen and I heard his footsteps retreat up the stairs.
Chapter 22
COLE
I only half listened asMace and Ronan discussed the plans for finding Eduardo. While I was glad to finally have a name to go with the threat against Jonas, I couldn’t help but wish the three of us could stay in our little bubble for a little while longer.
I knew I was in love with both men. I’d suspected it when Mace and I made love to Jonas and I’d known for sure the second I saw the unknown car driving up the driveway. Mace had been doing a perimeter check and I’d been torn between checking on him and making sure Jonas was safe. I’d managed to do both but it was my fear that had made me realize that what I felt for Mace and Jonas went beyond attraction, beyond just being thrown together by highly charged circumstances.
For every mission I’d ever been on in my eleven-year career in the Navy, I’d never once let my emotions control anything I did in the field. The moniker of Ice Man had been borne of my complete and total focus, decisiveness and self-control. But they were the same qualities that now eluded me as I considered the pain and hurt Jonas and Mace were inflicting upon each other. As devastated as I was at the prospect of my sister’s murderer going free, I was more worriedabout the impact it was having on Jonas and what would happen if Mace followed through on his plan to kill Eduardo and Mateo.
Because I knew deep down that Jonas was right. You never walked away unscathed after you ended a man’s life. Never. It didn’t matter who the man was.
As I got up from the kitchen table, Mace gently grabbed my wrist to stop me from leaving. I saw the unspoken question in his eyes and I nodded. We were okay.
“I’m just going to take the phone to Jonas so he can call Casey.”
Mace nodded but he held my hand for a second longer before releasing me. I grabbed the burner phone off the counter and went upstairs. I expected to find Jonas in the small bedroom that he’d spent the first night in but he wasn’t there. He was in our bedroom.
Ours.
God, I needed that in my life. I needed to share everything with Mace and Jonas. I didn’t want to ever go back to it being just me. And as much as I loved each man individually, I needed it to be all three of us. I knew logistically it would be a challenge for the three of us to build a life together. People would pass judgement on us and even the most open minded ones would question how three men could have what we did. And if by some miracle I managed to get my father back to a lucid state, I wasn’t sure he would accept my men. Hell, I didn’t even know how he’d react to me being with even one man. My parents had always been accepting of homosexuals and had supported their fight to be treated as equals, but it was different when it was your own son.
The door to the master bedroom was closed, but I didn’t bother knocking. Jonas was sitting on the edge of the far side of the bed, staring out the window.
“Here,” I said as I handed him the phone. “Make sure your friend is okay.”
“Thanks,” Jonas murmured as he took the phone. I was glad to see he hadn’t been crying but he looked so heartbroken that he may as well have been.
“He’ll be okay, Jonas.”
“I won’t,” Jonas whispered.
I tilted his chin up to force him to look at me. His eyes were shrouded with so much pain that I knelt down in front of him and put my hands on his hips. “Talk to me, baby.”
“I can’t be the reason he loses a little more of himself,” Jonas said. “I want Eduardo and Mateo to pay for what they did. I want them stopped. But I don’t want him to be the one who does it.”
I didn’t really know how to respond since I understood what Jonas was saying. But I also knew that even if Mateo and Eduardo both ended up behind bars, they could still reach Jonas.
Jonas must have sensed my hesitation because he said, “I need to call Casey.”
I nodded and released Jonas and stood. I told myself all this would right itself once Mace had eliminated all the threats against Jonas, but as I looked over my shoulder and saw Jonas still sitting exactly as I’d left him, head hung, phone lax in his hand, I started to seriously wonder if any of us would be able to come back from this.
By the time I got back downstairs, Ronan was gone and Mace was sitting in the same spot at the kitchen table. But I stilled when I saw the bottle of beer sitting in front of him on the table. It was still full and capped but the way he was looking at it…
I sat down in the chair next to Mace and watched him as he studied the bottle of beer.
“My friends used to make fun of me in high school because I refused to even take a sip of alcohol at parties,” Mace said quietly. “I saw what it did to some of them – how it made even the smartest guys do the stupidest things. I didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize my chances of getting into the academy so I never even tried it.”
“The police academy?” I asked.
