“I’ll just add a little more ice to this and then you can take it with you,” Jonas stuttered as he hurried back to the refrigerator. I glanced at the phone, saw that it was Mav and sent the call to voicemail. My muscles felt tight as I fought the need to finish what I’d started, but then I remembered the broken sobs that had tormented the young man in front of me for the last twenty-four hours.
“I think it’s okay now,” I forced myself to say as I stood up.
Jonas turned to face me, the small plastic tray of ice clenched to his chest like some kind of barrier.
“I’m going to be heading out in a bit,” I said as I moved towards the door. I gave him another quick look and saw that he hadn’t moved at all. “If you’re up for it, I was thinking we could go check out some lighting options tomorrow.”
“Um, yeah, that would be great.”
I nodded and reached for the door.
“Mace?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks,” Jonas whispered and I knew he wasn’t talking about the trip to the lighting store.
I was too confused by my own reaction to do anything but give him a brief nod. I no longer felt the pain in my hand as I walked down the stairs to the main floor. I didn’t feel anything except an uneasy rolling in my belly as I started to understand what I’d almost done. Kissing Jonas would have been the epitome of stupid. I knew that but I still wanted to turn around and go back upstairs and wrap myself around him until my obsessive need for him was satisfied.
It took me only a few minutes to clean up for the day and I used the bathroom at the back of the studio to try and get as much of the drywall plaster off my hands as I could. By the time I reached the studio again, I knew I was no longer alone. And I could tell the instant the visitor sensed my presence because his whole being drew up tight.
Cole turned from where he’d been examining the one remaining open wall that I still needed to finish. His gaze settled on me and I saw the same guarded look in his eyes that I’d seen yesterday.
“Is he here?” Cole asked, his voice sounding somewhat hoarse.
“No.” The lie fell easily from my lips because I still had the sound of Jonas’s mournful cries in my head and felt the dampness of his tears against my fingers.
Cole’s jaw hardened and I knew he didn’t believe me. It made me wonder if he was just really good at reading people, or if my growing attachment to Jonas was allowing my confused emotions to bleed into my voice or facial expressions. I had no doubt that he was military – I’d known that the instant I’d seen him yesterday because it was written into the manner in which he held himself, alert, at the ready, always aware. I also hadn’t missed the way he’d kept his attention on me even as he’d spoken to Jonas – like he’d known I was the greater threat. He’d been right.
“Any idea when he’ll be back?” Cole asked.
“Not a clue,” I answered, my body tightening in anticipation as Cole’s tone made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere. I was between him and the doorway that led up to Jonas’s apartment and a strange thrill went through me at the thought of this man trying to get past me. I chalked it up to wanting to pick a fight with someone who matched me both in size and skill. Maybe if I pounded on Cole for a while, I’d be able to work out every single one of my frustrations that had been building from the moment I’d spied Jonas through that small bathroom window.
But as Cole’s eyes stroked over my body, I nearly cursed out loud at my dick’s untimely response. It wasn’t that the good looking, clean cut soldier was looking at me with open desire like Jonas had that first day in his apartment – it was the flash of confusion I saw in his eyes that had me swallowing hard. Apparently I wasn’t the only one wanting to work out my frustrations in a physical way. Unfortunately, I wasn’t so sure a fight was what I was looking for anymore.
“Mace, are you still here?” I heard just a second before footsteps sounded on the stairs behind me and Jonas appeared, an envelope in his hand. “I have your check-”
Jonas’s words dropped off suddenly as his eyes fell on Cole. “Hi,” he finally said, his voice quiet and unsure. He cast me a quick glance as he handed me the envelope and then he was folding hisarms around himself as he took a few steps towards Cole. He clearly hadn’t sensed the tension he’d walked in on.
Cole’s eyes shifted from me to Jonas and I felt an unreasonable surge of jealousy. Only problem was, I wasn’t sure which man I was actually jealous of.
“I’m sorry,” Cole said, his cool demeanor shifting into something more vulnerable. “I shouldn’t have left like that yesterday,” he said to Jonas. Cole hadn’t moved at all but Jonas had, because now only a couple of feet separated the men.
Jonas shook his head. “You don’t owe me any explanations and you certainly don’t owe me an apology.”
Cole’s eyes dropped to the floor. “I thought I’d prepared myself for the stuff you were going to tell me since I’d already read the details in the police report but…”
“I made it real,” Jonas supplied.
Cole nodded and sucked in a deep breath. To my surprise, I actually felt like I was intruding on the moment between the two men though neither had asked me to leave. And worse, I really didn’t like the sudden vulnerability in Cole’s stance. The cool, collected soldier was gone and what was left was…a man.
“I was hoping you might come to the funeral,” Cole said after several long moments of heavy silence. “It’s on Tuesday.” He finally raised his head to look at Jonas and I was stunned to see tears swimming in his eyes. “Most of her friends have moved on-”
Before he could even finish getting the words out, Jonas closed what little distance there was between them and wrapped his arms around Cole’s neck. Cole seemed caught off guard by the move but then his hands came up to return the embrace. While it was an “all in” hug for Jonas, Cole seemed uncomfortable at first but then something shifted and I glimpsed a shroud of pain come over his face that was so intense that I actually took a step forward before I realized what I was doing. Thankfully, Cole didn’t seem to notice, because he’d tightened his hold on Jonas and buried his face against Jonas’s neck.
The sight of the two of them together clinging to each other did something strange to me and I actually had to retreat to thebathroom to collect myself. Because in that moment I’d felt like an interloper. Not just because I was intruding on such an intimate moment but because I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to share in what they were feeling and draw it from them. I wanted them to know that I understood loss. I understood it in my bones.
“Mace?”
