“Yeah, he’s by the door.”
“Good. Where’s Bullet?”
“Cole took him home so we wouldn’t have to worry about taking him out. He’ll bring him back tonight when he switches shifts with Mace.”
“I need to tell you how I know them,” I said quietly. “I know you said it doesn’t matter but I need there to not be any more secrets between us.”
“Okay,” Seth said.
“After I realized the army had lied to me about getting justice for Trace, I lost it. I started taking pills and drinking, not caring whathappened to me after that. And then I met someone who offered me a chance to get for Trace what the army wouldn’t.”
“Was it Hawke?” Seth asked.
I nodded. “How did you know?”
“He came to talk to me after I made you leave the house…after I locked you both out. He said you saved his wife. I asked him if he was helping you keep an eye on me because he owed you. He said something about not owing you anymore.”
I dropped my eyes. My intent had been to keep Hawke’s name out of it. We’d been careful about covering up the punishment we’d inflicted upon Trace’s murderers, but I didn’t want to put him at risk.
“Your secrets are safe with me, Ronan. His too.”
It was then that I realized Seth had likely already figured out what I’d done. But he didn’t know that I’d gone beyond just seeking vengeance for his brother. “The man who raped Trace was the first to die,” I finally said, carefully watching Seth’s reaction.
“What about the one who hurt you?”
The question caught me off guard. “He was the last. They’re all gone. No one will ever find them.”
Seth nodded.
“They weren’t the only ones,” I said. “I used the money you gave me to set up an underground organization that would let me go after men just like them.”
Seth was quiet for a moment. “How many?”
“How many men have I killed?”
“How many lives have you saved?” Seth asked.
I shook my head. “Don’t you get it, Seth? I’m a murderer. At least in the eyes of the law.”
“How many?”
“I don’t know,” I said in exasperation.
“I do,” Seth said. “Countless ones. Future victims, their families, the families of the victims. What I wouldn’t have given to have someone like you stop the men who took my parents from me,” Seth whispered. “You’re saving much more than just lives, Ronan. Trace would have been proud.”
“Jesus, Seth. You can’t just be okay with this.”
“Why not?” Seth asked. “You see me as some naïve, innocent kid. But I have to spend the rest of my life wondering if the men who brutalized me and my parents are out there doing it to someone else. Yes, I’d love to see them rotting in prison, but justice can only do so much. If it’s something you need to keep doing, it won’t change anything between us. You save lives, Ronan. I don’t care if you do it with a scalpel or a gun or both…as long as you keep doing it because that’s who you are. That’s who you’ve always been.”
I was too overwhelmed to speak so I didn’t. I just reached for Seth and pulled him forward. He straddled my lap as he closed his mouth over mine. I let him kiss me for several seconds before I gently pushed him back. “After what happened to Trace, I didn’t like to be touched…not by anyone. Not sexually, not in passing, not in comfort. I wanted it with you…all of it. But I was also afraid of what it would do to me.”
Seth’s hands were holding the side of my head, his fingers rubbing the sensitive skin behind my ears. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t explain it. I just…I was wrapped up so tight inside that I felt like I would just snap if you showed me any kind of comfort…like you would be forgiving me for something you hadn’t known I’d done. I didn’t deserve it…least of all from you.”
“What happened to Trace-”
“I know,” I said with a nod. “I know in my head that it wasn’t my fault but my heart needs some time to catch up.”
