His palm traveled up my chest and dipped beneath my shirt to stroke my skin. I kept my hands fisted at my sides so I wouldn’t inadvertently end what was happening between us. As frantic as our coupling this afternoon had been, this seemed different. Ronan seemed different.
Ronan continued to explore me and when his hand shifted to push the blanket completely away from my body, I sat up just enough so I could pull my shirt off. My intent was to lie back down so he could continue to do what he wanted to me, but Ronan grabbed my arm and held me there, our bodies close but not quite touching. He held my gaze for a long time and then he leaned inand kissed me. It was slow and sweet and his tongue only teased my lips instead of surging between them. I couldn’t stop myself from twining my fingers through his hair as he tormented me with the drugging kisses. When he finally did take my mouth completely, I groaned and pressed against him. I barely managed to avoid wrapping my other arm around him, but it didn’t matter because he used his weight to press me down on the bed. His lips began burning a path down my neck and I barely managed to whisper, “My ties are in the closet,” before another moan escaped me.
Ronan leaned back just a little to study me and I cursed the fact that I couldn’t see his eyes. Not that it really would have mattered, since reading Ronan wasn’t an easy thing. It was only a few seconds that Ronan watched me for, but it felt like a lifetime before he settled his mouth back over mine. But instead of getting up like I thought he would to get a tie, he lowered his body until it was covering mine and I wanted to cry at how good it felt to have his weight on me again.
I didn’t like the feeling of Ronan’s shirt against my hot skin, so I threw caution to the wind and reached down to grab the hem. He let me drag it off of him but then his lips were crashing down on mine again. Joy went through me that maybe I was finally going to be able to touch him the way I wanted, but my hopes were quickly dashed when Ronan grabbed my hands with his and raised my arms so they were stretched above my head. He used one of his hands to hold both of mine down and then he took complete and utter control of me, my body…everything. His hand dipped into my sweats and began teasing my cock as I squirmed in his hold. The contact wasn’t enough because he was flicking the pad of his thumb back and forth across my slit before running it along the ridge of the flared head.
“Ronan,” I bit out between the kisses he tortured me with.
He didn’t answer with words, but he knew what I was asking because his hand closed around my cock and he began dragging up and down it without hesitation. His other hand still held me in place, so all I could do was twist and buck against him in an effort to get closer. His teeth nipped at my lips as he eased off the intense,deep kisses and then he was kissing anywhere he could reach that didn’t require him to let go of my hands. I could feel my orgasm starting to build so when Ronan released my dick, I let out a sharp, “No!”
But Ronan’s mouth swallowed down my protest and then he muttered, “Leave them there.” I knew what he meant, so when he released my hands, I didn’t move them. I watched Ronan get up and strip his own sweats off. I could see his cock hanging heavy between his legs and I wanted to taste it so badly that I actually licked my lips. Ronan groaned and I had no doubt he knew what I was thinking.
My pants were stripped off of me and I quickly separated and raised my legs in invitation. Ronan’s eyes stayed on me as he grabbed what I now realized was a bottle of lube from where he’d placed it on the nightstand earlier. I felt my mouth go dry at the sight of him stroking the thick liquid over his dick a few times and my hungry hole twitched in excitement. Ronan put some more lube on his fingers and then he was positioning himself between my legs. I wanted to tell him to hurry, but when all he did was coat my opening with some lube before placing the crown of his cock there, I wanted to shout out my happiness. Because even though there was more discomfort when he didn’t prepare me with his fingers first, I’d discovered this afternoon as he’d pushed into me while he’d taken me up against that door, that I loved the intense burn. But even more, I loved knowing Ronan couldn’t wait…that I’d stolen the control and patience he needed to get me ready.
And that in itself made me ready.
As Ronan began to press his thickness into me, I wished like hell my headboard was like the iron one in Ronan’s room because I needed something to hold onto as the fire in my body threatened to consume me.
“Don’t stop!” I shouted when I felt Ronan withdraw a tiny bit. But he pushed back into me just as quickly and I bit down on my lip when I felt my hole collapse and open fully to accept him. Ronan used his arms to bend my legs up and back in on myself and then he was leaning over me and taking my mouth. His hands sought outmine, but instead of holding them above my head, he drew them down so they were next to it and then he linked our fingers. His cock continued to work in and out of me in shallow thrusts and when he finally slid in as far as he could go, I let out a muffled cry of pleasure. With my legs pressed so high and close to my own body, it felt like Ronan was touching every part of me.
He held me like that as my body adjusted to his and then he began a slow, steady thrusting motion that nearly stole my breath. And he never once stopped kissing me. For the last two times that our coming together had been frantic and quick, I knew this time would be different. Ronan was making love to me in a way he hadn’t been before. Every move, every touch, every kiss was about more than just pleasure…it was his way of telling me the things he couldn’t say. We weren’t friends. We weren’t lovers. We weren’t two men bound by terrible circumstances. In that moment, we were connected in a way that only the two of us could be. Nothing existed beyond us. And while I knew it wouldn’t solve all the problems between us, I knew in that moment that he loved me. I also knew I was done being quiet.
“I love you so much, Ronan,” I managed to whisper against his lips. The words caused Ronan to still above me and inside of me and I didn’t need to see his eyes to know my declaration had caught him off guard. He didn’t say the words back and I hadn’t expected him to. What he did do was tighten his hands on mine just before he surged into me, his finesse gone. His mouth took mine without mercy and I gladly welcomed his weight as his body sank farther down onto mine. My ass felt like it was on fire as Ronan pistoned in and out of me and the tingling sensation in my limbs began to spread. Electricity shot up my spine when Ronan suddenly shifted just a little bit and struck my prostate. I let out a hoarse shout as the pleasure engulfed me and then he did it again. The orgasm washed over me in waves as Ronan nailed my gland over and over again and I felt my release scorch us both, as Ronan’s tight abdominal muscles grazed my sensitive cock with every powerful thrust.
I felt Ronan’s hands tighten on mine like a vise and he ripped his mouth from mine and clamped his teeth down on the spot betweenmy neck and my shoulder as his climax hit him. Liquid heat burned my insides as he came and I let out a ragged moan as a series of quaking aftershocks rocked through my body. It seemed like Ronan’s orgasm went on forever before he finally settled and became like a dead weight on top of me. His cock pulsed inside me several times as his body jerked every now and then, and I could feel his sweat slickened skin burning mine wherever we were touching. My legs ached from the position he continued to hold me in but I didn’t actually want him to move. It took several minutes for my breathing to slow.
Ronan finally released his hold on my hands and shifted his arms so I could lower my legs. I wrapped them around his ass but kept my hands where they were because my gut was telling me that as amazing as what had just happened between us had been, it was exactly the thing that would send Ronan running again and even one wrong touch from me would bring that eventuality to head much sooner.
I guessed it was a good five minutes before Ronan moved and I couldn’t stifle a whimper as his cock pulled free of my sore body. As Ronan shifted, I felt his wet dick brush my thigh. The perverse need to taste him ran through me again, but I stayed where I was as Ronan moved until he was once again sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Stay here tonight,” I whispered desperately, and as I watched, his bent frame seemed to hunch in on itself. It wasn’t a good sign.
“You know I can’t,” he said softly and then he was reaching for his sweats and pulling them on. I sat up and flicked the light on the nightstand on. The muscles of Ronan’s back called to my hands as he leaned his elbows on his knees but I crossed my arms so I wouldn’t reach for him. I had no doubt it was my declaration of love that had him folding in on himself as if in pain.
“You let me touch you sometimes,” I finally said. As much as I hated needing to push him, I was feeling raw and vulnerable. I’d been certain only a few minutes ago that Ronan felt the way I did, but his sudden need to get away from me had me doubting myself.
Ronan ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s not about you,” he answered, his voice weary.
“Are you sure about that?” I asked. “Because I think it is.”
Ronan made a move to get up but I leaned forward and grabbed his arm. I settled my hand on the now rigid muscles of his abdomen.
“Is it when anyone tries to offer you comfort or just me?”
Chapter 21
Ronan
My hands were shaking sohard that it took me three tries to get the door leading from the kitchen to the patio unlocked and open. The cool night air should have felt good against my skin but it didn’t. Nothing felt good. I didn’t even have the aftereffects of my mind-numbing orgasm to take the edge off, because every ounce of pleasure that had still been rolling through my body as I’d pulled free of Seth’s tight body had been obliterated when he’d touched me…and when he’d given voice to one of my darkest secrets.
A few of the men I’d tied up and fucked after Trace died had had the balls to tell me the reasons they suspected I wouldn’t let them touch me, but they’d all had the same train of thought…that it was a control thing. The men who worked for me hadn’t ever commented on my aversion and I doubted most of them had even noticed since their interest in me and mine in them was about the job and nothing more. Mace’s young lover, Jonas Davenport, was the only man I suspected who knew how deep my need to avoid physical contact was.
Except Seth.
But he’d seen what others hadn’t. And he was exactly the person I’d wanted to hide the weakness from most.
I love you so much, Ronan.
