I followed him out of the house and put my bag in the back of the pickup truck. He’d moved my rental car at some point so it was parked next to the garage. He said nothing as he climbed into the truck next to me and in fact, it was almost an hour before he said a word…and that was only to ask what fast food place I wanted to stop at for breakfast.
The drive to Lulling was well over twenty hours and by hour fourteen I was sure Hawke was a robot because he was showing no signs of fatigue and he’d ignored both my offers to take over driving for a while. We’d stopped only when we’d needed gas or food and I’d long ago given up on trying to draw him into conversation. I’d talked to Matty a few times throughout the day which helped passsome of the time because I always felt better afterwards, but as we drew closer and closer to Lulling, I could feel the tension overtaking my body.
We’d just crossed over the border into New Mexico when Hawke finally exited the Interstate and stopped at a small restaurant that was attached to a gas station. We ate in silence and then gassed up the car, but instead of getting back on the road, Hawke drove across the street to a small motel. Despite the early hour, I felt my eyes grow heavy as I waited for Hawke to check in. Our room ended up being at the far end of the motel and I was thrilled to see that it was surprisingly modern for its small size and remote location. There were two queen beds in the room along with a flat screen TV sitting on top of a large dresser. Hawke chose the bed closer to the door, leaving me with the one near the bathroom.
“I’m going to shower,” Hawke said tersely. I was surprised by the anger in his voice and watched as he dumped his duffle bag on the bed and jerked it open. As he pulled out a couple of items of clothing, I went and sat on the other bed.
“Are you okay?” I ventured.
“Fine.”
I wanted to laugh because the way he barked the word said he was anything but fine, but all I could feel was the fear building in my gut. Because I’d been in this exact position more times than I could count…the calm before the storm. When would the explosion come? What words would I end up saying or what thing would I end up doing that would make him snap – that would have him lashing out at me with his voice and ultimately his fists?
“Did I do something?” I asked quietly, hoping like hell I could deflate Hawke’s anger.
Hawke stilled, but didn’t turn to face me. “No,” he finally said and even though the word was spoken quietly, his tone still simmered with agitation.
“Um, okay…I’m going to video chat with Matty.”
Hawke didn’t respond, but I did see him digging around in his bag and then he was turning to me and handing me his tablet. “Usethis, the screen’s bigger,” was all he said before he grabbed his stuff from the bed and strode into the bathroom.
I waited until the water was running before calling Ronan from the tablet. Both he and Seth were with Matty and I could tell they were in the toy room with him. We spoke for only a few minutes since Matty was playing with his friend, Susie. Ronan assured me the final chemo treatment had gone well and that they would call me in the morning as soon as Matty was awake. I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes as Matty came back on the screen and told me he loved me. My fingers were shaking by the time I hung up and I stood up to put the tablet back in Hawke’s bag. But the sight of the back of the picture frame I’d seen sitting in Hawke’s house had me freezing. Before I could even consider what I was doing, I put the tablet down on the bed and reached for the picture. I already knew what I would see when I turned it over, but seeing it from a distance wasn’t the same as seeing it up close.
It was a candid shot of Hawke and the woman I had no doubt was his wife.
Revay.
The picture had been taken outside and I realized they were standing in front of the house in Wyoming because I could make out the porch just behind them. Hawke’s wife had been a beautiful woman with platinum blonde hair, flawless skin and bright blue eyes that were lit up with life and laughter. She was smiling at Hawke who had his arms around her. He was considerably taller than her and I couldn’t miss the fact that there were no burn scars on his face. They were stunningly beautiful together, but it was Hawke’s expression that held my gaze. He was looking down at Revay, his mouth open wide with laughter. He looked so young and happy and carefree that I reached my finger up to run it over his features as if I could somehow experience that moment with him. But just as my finger made contact, the picture was ripped from my grasp.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Hawke snapped.
I knew I needed to say something, but the reality was that I’d been caught red-handed. “I’m sorry,” I managed to say, though my fear kicked up to new heights as Hawke stared down at me. At somepoint while I’d been studying the picture, I’d sat down on the edge of my own bed so I felt even smaller as the bigger man towered above me, his fury written all over his features.
Hawke’s fingers dug into the picture and his other hand clenched into a tight fist that had veins bulging up and down his entire arm. He’d changed into a pair of athletic pants and a black T-shirt and his hair was still wet.
I shook my head, desperate to find the right thing to say. “I’m sorry, I saw the picture in your house and I was curious-”
“She’s not a part of this!” Hawke shouted. “Do you understand me?”
I didn’t. Not at all. His anger was over the top and I stood up so I could try to ease my way to the bathroom. If I just got out of his sight for a while…
“I didn’t mean to upset you-”
Before I could even finish, Hawke was closing the distance between us, the picture forgotten as he tossed it on top of his bag. I froze as he grabbed me by the upper arms, his hold bordering on painful. I expected him to yell at me or hit me, but all he did was hold me like that, his body seething with rage.
But his next words nearly stole my breath.
“I don’t want you,” he said in a gutted whisper.
I couldn’t even register what he meant until he gave me just the slightest shake and again said, “I don’t want you.” But even I heard the doubt in his voice and I realized the fury in his gaze wasn’t about me at all, or at least not about what I’d done.
I was at a complete loss to even comprehend what was happening. I’d been so sure that I’d only imagined that Hawke was feeling the same pull of desire that I was, but now as I watched him drawing in ragged breaths, his tormented eyes holding mine, I knew I’d been wrong. But whatever he was feeling wasn’t something he wanted to be feeling. At some point, his hold had loosened enough so that he could rub his thumbs back and forth over my skin and the effect was intoxicating. I could feel my own body tightening up with excitement and my adrenaline spiked as my need to escape him disintegrated. But I couldn’t ignore the naked pain in his gaze. Asmuch as I wanted him, I knew he needed to make the next move and I would accept it, whatever it was.
“I know,” I said gently. “It’s okay, Hawke.”
I could see his body warring with his mind and I didn’t know which one had won the battle until his hands tightened on me. A sudden rush of air escaped his lungs, but instead of drawing me closer, he released me long enough to reach for the button on my jeans. My need grew to exponential proportions as he jerked the button free, dragged the zipper down and shoved my pants and underwear down in one quick move, his rough palms dragging over my skin. A split second later he spun me around and shoved me down on the bed. I got no reprieve as his hands closed over my hips and he yanked my ass up. His fingers bit into my skin as he split me open and a tremor of fear and excitement went through me when I felt moisture dribble onto my hole.
I closed my eyes as more of what I now realized was spit coated my opening. I had seconds to stop this because I knew what was coming. But I remained silent as I felt Hawke’s cock push between my cheeks. More spit hit my ass a second before the broad head of Hawke’s dick suddenly shoved inside of me without warning or finesse. Pain tore through me as my body tried to accept the intrusion, but there was no time to adjust as Hawke pulled back just a little before slamming his hips forward again. Tears stung my eyes as another wave of pain went through me, but I bit into my lip to stop myself from making any kind of sound.
