Crew, of course, approached me, wearing a shit-eating grin.
“Way to make a spectacle of yourself.”
I punched him on the shoulder. “Fuck you.”
He pointed at my mouth. “That’s not exactly your color.”
I groaned, carelessly swiping my coat sleeve against my face, removing the evidence of that kiss.
“I hate you,” I told Crew.
My little brother merely smiled wider. “I’m happy for you brother.”
As I watched Sutton disappear behind the bathroom door, I couldn’t help smiling.
“Me too, brother. Me too.”
twenty-two
. . .
SUTTON
“I am inshock,”Aspen said dramatically, leaning against the counter next to me while I fixed my lipstick. “I never would’ve pegged Lane as one for PDA.”
“He’s not normally,” I said. “At least, he hadn’t been back in college. I don’t know what got into him tonight.”
“Well, whatever it is, it’s about. Damn. Time.” She punctuated the final three words with three sharp claps.
Face set mostly back to normal thanks to a wet towel, a lot of powder, and reapplication of my lipstick, I turned to Aspen.
“Am I crazy to go for this?” I asked. “You know, given the whole…”
“Addie situation?” she finished for me. I nodded. “Look, there’s never a right time, I don’t think. With Crew, I was only supposed to be in town for a few months to see if I could crack that case, right? And we took hit after hit, but he was by my side for all of it. Picking me up, dusting me off, pushing me forward. I’m stronger with him at my side, and vice versa. And look at Finn and Reagan! They went through some shit this summer and came out whole and happy and so in love it almost grosses me out sometimes.”
I chuckled. “Bit hypocritical.”
She swatted at me. “My point is, that man isgonefor you, and you’d be insane to deny yourself the luxury of his love. Especially since you haven’t been able to let go of yours all these years.”
Aspen was right, of course. This wasLanewe were talking about. The most steadfast man I’d ever met. If my heart was safe with anyone, it was with him.
Still, something stood in my way. A very large something in the shape of the boy who violated me and the night that changed me forever.
“What if…” I started, then stopped, shaking my head. Now was not the time or place for this conversation.
Naturally, Aspen wouldn’t let me off the hook so easily.
“What if, what?”
I downcast my gaze, twisting my fingers together nervously.
“I haven’t been with anyone since my rape,” I blurted, then slapped my hand over my mouth. We were alone here, but I couldn’t believe I’d said that so casually.
Although, since I’d opened up to Aspen and Reagan at the tailgate about it, I felt…lighter. Like some of the power that night held over me had been lifted.
“Okay, and you’re afraid you forgot how?” Aspen asked. “I mean, I think it’s like riding a bike, Sutton, but I’m sure Lane knows what he’s?—”
“No, I’m not worried about that! I…” How did I say this in a way that made sense? That didn’t make me sound like a weak coward? “I’vetried. But every time I get close, I just…” I trailed off again, shaking my head. “I can’t.”
