I could tell she sensed the silence in that moment was from me running wild with the thoughts in my mind, because she let out a soft laugh, almost like a whisper. I cleared my throat when I heard it and spoke quickly.
“Ken, that’s . . . Wow. I didn’t expect that. I’m not saying I won’t, but . . . Wow.”
She laughed again, and before she could speak, I started again.
“I thought your daddy was walking you?” I heard her let out a deep breath and smack her teeth. I knew whatever she was about to say wasn’t going to be any good.
“Honestly, Zay, nobody has seen him since we asked him three months ago. And I don’t have time for it. If he wants to keep going off, getting high and drunk, I’m going to let him. He has messed up everything good in his life, and I’m not about to let him ruin my day. I can’t even tell you if he still remembers my wedding date. So, no, I’m not about to be bothered.”
I wasn’t surprised. My stepfather was the same man who used to beat me just because I wasn’t his biological son. He made sure he let me know it every chance he got. When I went to jail for beating him senseless, he really went wild. He never laid a hand on my sister, his only daughter, but to take out that aggression from the embarrassment of having the entire neighborhood witness him get whupped by an eighteen-year-old and being exposed as the child abuser he was, he turned to drugs and alcohol. I would hear stories about him spending most of his time on the East Side of Detroit in crack houses and outside liquor stores, asking for spare change.
“I hear you, Sis. You know I got you. Just tell me what I gotta do. I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you, Zay, really. I’ll email you all the details. I love you, Brother.”
“I love you, too.”
“So,” she continued after a brief pause, “what’s the plan for spring break weekend?”
I smiled and rubbed my thumb along the edge of my phone. “What you mean?”
“I mean,” she said, “are you working, or you finally gonna sit your ass down somewhere?”
I exhaled. “Yana coming into town.”
“Okay,” she said easily. “That’s nice. For how long?”
“For the whole week.”
“That’s good. I know you happy. Is she excited?”
“Yeah,” I said, my eyes on a group of people who walked closer to the curb. “She real excited. Princess coming too.”
The silence on the other end of the line was loud as hell. “Oh,” she said finally. “So y’all finally back together now?”
“We—” I stopped myself. “We spending time.”
Kennedy laughed. “Zay, really? Cut it out!”
“What?” I said, already defensive.
“You know what?” she said. “You need to stop bullshitting and go ahead and propose to that girl.”
I laughed out loud that time and shook my head. “Man, you sound just like Kam.”
“Because Kam ain’t stupid either,” she shot back. “She’s the love of your life. She showing you she ain’t going nowhere. You the only one still freezing.”
I leaned my head back against the seat. “Ain’t nobody freezing.”
“You are,” she said gently. “Same way you used to freeze back in them Myspace days.”
“That was different,” I muttered.
“How?” she asked. “You scared then. You scared now.”
I knew she was being playful, but I didn’t answer right away. I knew then that she was right.
“You scared you gonna mess it up.” She continued. “Scared you don’t know how to stay.”
