“Thank you, Dr. Collier.”
She nodded, then stood. “I’ll get to work.”
When the door closed behind her, I dropped my head to the desk and let the tears fall just a little bit to release the tension holding me captive. These weren’t bad tears, despite having spoken about Ellynn and how the girls and I were handling her and Asher’s absence. These were tears of relief. Someone greater than me saw me, heard me, and kept sending people to pray for me.
How many signs do you need to believe, Erykah?
That was a question I’d asked myself before, but today, it hit me. I didn’t need any more signs. He was real. God saw me. He was with me. He had been watching over me my whole life.
I believe You’re real. But I don’t know what to do next.
I raised my head and grabbed a tissue, blotting at the tears on my face. Chris had told me that when I believed in God the act was calledsalvationorgetting saved. But I didn’t fully understand what that meant. I pulled up my web browser and typed a question into the search engine:How do I get saved by God?
I clicked on a result and read the contents. It seemed straightforward. The webpage outlined a salvation prayer.My heart pounded as I read the prayer. I could say this for myself. I could give my heart to Jesus and confess my sins.
So what’s stopping you?
Was it nerves? Talking to Dr. Collier had tipped me over to belief. Seeing the signs of God’s care in my past had primed me, as well as all the reading I’d been doing in the Bible Ellynn had given me.
I closed my eyes.
Ellynn, I don’t know if you can hear me. I don’t know if that’s how heaven works. But I want you to know I’ve been reading the Bible. Thank you for always thinking of me and for giving it to me. I want you to know I believe in God. I’ll do right by the girls and teach them about Him as well.
Which probably meant I should accept one of Chris’s invitations to attend church.
I love you, Ellynn. I miss Asher. I miss your family. I promise Cheyenne and Ashlynn will never feel alone. I’ll continue providing a stable home like you and Asher gave them. I’ll tell them about you two, how you met, how you fell in love, how you made a beautiful family. I promise.
I sniffed.
Um, God, it’s me. I’m sure You heard my conversation with Ellynn. Maybe You think that’s silly, but I hope You understand. I believe in You. I believe that You won’t forsake me or leave me. That You never have, even though I’ve spent a lifetime feeling alone. I know that’s because I haven’t acknowledged You before now.I bit my lip, trying to figure out what else I wanted to say. I peeked at the salvation prayer.
I confess that I’ve lived a life apart from You and sinned. Please forgive me. I believe that Jesus Christ is Your Son, who died for my sins and rose again.
There wasn’t much else to the prayer, but that seemed so inadequate.
Thank You for giving me signs of Your presence. Thank You for Chris, Charlie, and the girls. Please show me how to be a good guardian and make You, Ellynn, and Asher proud. In Jesus’s name, amen.
My heart felt lighter. Somehow, I knew the rest of my day would be better for it.
Twenty-Six
Chris stared out into the night sky. He drew in a deep breath, then slowly let out the air, willing the band holding his head in a vice grip to let go. With each deep breath, tension seeped out of his upper back. However, the tension squeezing his brain wouldn’t recede. How long would it take the over-the-counter meds to kick in? It had been a while since he’d had a headache this bad.
The sound of a doorknob turning broke through his relaxation attempts. He eyed the door as it opened. Erykah stepped out into the backyard and gave him a sympathetic look.
“Your turn for some air?”
“Something like that.”
She sighed and sat on the vacant seat next to him. “I’m sorry. We’ve taken up so much of your space and turned your home into a whirlwind. It’s no wonder you need peace.”
“Don’t.” He shook his head, barely hiding a wince. “You know I’d do it all over again. There’s no way I wouldn’t be here for you.” Being away from them while he’d seen Tuck and Piper marry had proven that much. And it had also shown him his fear was Erykah wouldn’t be there for him.
Her brown eyes studied him, as if he were DNA under a microscope. “You have a headache.”
“Uh...” Not what he’d expected her to say. “I do.”
“Feels like your head is in a boa constrictor’s death grip?”
