A lump formed in my throat, and I dropped my head on the Bible resting on my desk. I wished Ellynn were here so I could ask her all the questions. She believed for some reason, and I wished I had thought to ask why instead of discounting her beliefs because they didn’t fit mine.
I picked my head back up and rubbed my eyes. It was about time for my workday to start. Chris had been surprised when I’d asked him to handle the girls this morning, but I’d wanted a little quiet and had known he’d agree. I hoped that didn’t mean I was taking advantage of him. I just needed some time to think before a day of surgeries.
Whatever weirdness had existed when I’d picked him up from the airport had dissipated by the time we said good night to each other. I was so thankful, because being around Chris made everything better. There was peace in his presence, and he was plain fun. Not in an outlandish way that turned me off and had me wondering if he knew how to be serious. But in witty banter or playing with the kids or trying to pull me into the great outdoors and simply rest.
I swapped my street clothes for scrubs. The blue uniforms the hospital made us wear had its name stamped over the left breast pocket. I pulled my twists into a bun at the nape of my neck and slipped on my blue satin–lined scrub cap. Just as I put on my lab coat, a knock sounded at my door.
“Come in,” I called.
I folded my clothes and slid them into the bag leaning against my desk.
Dr. Ann Collier stepped in. “Good morning, Dr. Kennedy. I’m here for the rundown of your day.”
“Good morning to you too, Dr. Collier. Go ahead.”
I sat down and listened as she listed off the surgeries for me to perform today. A few times I interrupted to ask clarifying questions. Not because I needed clarification, but Dr. Collier was only a second-year resident, and I wanted to make sure she knew who was getting what and why. Occasionally I asked an obvious question just to see how she’d respond. After getting satisfactory responses, I returned to the patient up first.
“All right. Is the first patient all set?”
Dr. Collier checked the hospital iPad for his status. “Mr. Gordon just checked in.”
“Great. Please ensure everything goes smoothly with his check-in process. Page me five minutes before you need me. I’ve got some emails to get through real quick.”
“Of course.” Dr. Collier studied me.
“Yes?” I asked, trying not to fidget under her scrutiny. I could only hope the next words out of her mouth were work related.
“Um, I just wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you. I know how hard it is to lose a sibling.” She swallowed. “My older brother died when I was eighteen. Car crash. It was his fault.” She closed her eyes. “Um, what I’m trying to say is I hope God surrounds you with His comfort. I know how bleak those earlier days are.”
My mouth dropped. This was the most Dr. Collier had ever shared with me. And for it to be so personal ... Something in my heart cracked. I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry for your loss.” How I hated those words, but I actually meant them. Felt a connection with them that I wouldn’t have had before. “Thank you for thinking of me.”
We’d never had a personal relationship, but at this moment, I regretted keeping my residents at arm’s length. Shouldn’t I want to form some kind of personal relationship with the people I guided in the OR?
“Of course. How are your nieces?”
I thought a moment. “Ashlynn, uh, the baby, she’s eight months.”That’s not what she asked.“When the accident first happened, she cried so much.” I stifled my own tears. “Now she’s babbling and giggling. She seems happy to see me.” I didn’t know if that meant she didn’t miss Ellynn anymore, and I didn’t want to contemplate that fully.
“And your other niece? You have two, right?”
I nodded. “Cheyenne’s a pistol. The girl’s a diva at five but so smart.”
Both Ellynn and I had intelligence in spades, so that didn’t surprise me. But being with Cheyenne in person every day showed me much more of her personality than I’d ever gotten over video chat.
“How’s she dealing with the grief?”
“We’ve cried together. She also has a lot of tantrums. I’ve read that’s normal because of the loss.”
“Have you considered finding her a child therapist? To help?”
I blinked. I actually hadn’t ever thought of that.Why haven’t you? How could you have overlooked that?
Something must have showed on my face, because Dr. Collier quickly spoke. “I mean, you don’t have to. I just know it helped me greatly, and I can only imagine a five-year-old would have a tougher time than I did.”
Hadn’t I considered grief counseling for myself? Whynot Cheyenne? “No, it’s a good idea. Something I should’ve thought of sooner.”
“I’m sure this has all been overwhelming. I had the comfort of my parents to see me through. You’ve had to become a mom.” She sighed. “Just remember God’s got you, and He’s watching over you. You’re not alone.”
Tears pricked my eyelids. If someone had given me a comment like that before, I would’ve scoffed. But after reading my Bible and trying to figure out prayer, the words seemed like validation that He was watching me, listening to me, answering the questions I had for Him.
