I turned around the great room, looking at the house from this position. The home was three stories, brand-new, and in a good school district. Granted, the drive to the hospital from here would be longer than it was from Chris’s house. Still, the place came with a Colorado Springs address and would provide a good environment for the girls to grow up in.
But something had me hesitating to give the Realtor the green light. What was it? The distance? The fact that I wouldn’t be able to close on the house for another two months, meaning I’d be beholden to Chris for all that time? Or was it just not the right home?
My mind flashed to the image of Chris and the girls having a tea party. When I’d seen him wearing that green boa, I’d placed a hand to my heart, trying to suppress the ache in my chest. He’d worn a similar grin to how Asher looked when Ellynn had sent me a picture of my brother-in-law having a tea party with Cheye. I wasn’t surprised that Chris was willing to play with my niece—the only surprise was how my heart reacted.
Looking around this house, somehow, I couldn’t imagine Chris and the girls having a tea party in here.But that doesn’t mean this isn’t the right home.
Only, howwasI supposed to know which place was the right choice?
“What do you think, Dr. Kennedy?” Kate asked.
I gave her a brief smile. “It’s certainly gorgeous.”
“That it is. And brand-new, so nothing to fix.”
True, but I’d heard of problems with new builds as well, usually due to shoddy workmanship. “Can I think about it before saying yay or nay?”
After spending time in the woods trying to talk to God, I still wasn’t sure about my next course of action. I’d logically assessed everything in my life up to now and could make a debate for coincidence and science as the reasons for so many moments in my life that now could also be debated as a God thing. Yet I still wasn’t sure if I fully believed in Him. I’d moved from skeptical to wanting to believe Someone cared for me and would watch over me. I just didn’t know what I needed to see or hear to turn that final step into full-on belief.
“Of course,” Kate replied, but the light was already dimming in her eyes.
I couldn’t blame her. We’d looked at a lot of houses, and nothing screamedThis one. Meanwhile, Cheyenne still wasn’t enrolled in kindergarten.
She already knows how to read and write. She won’t fall too far behind.
Yes, but... I wanted us all settled somewhere. We’d been in Chris’s place for too long. Long enough for Cheyenne to depend on him, play tea party, and for Ash to coo and laugh whenever he was around. We’d skip on how much I depended on him through this whole ordeal. I needed to learn how to rely on myself and only myself once more.
“Dr. Kennedy, have you considered moving to other towns close to Colorado Springs?”
“Like where?”
Kate named a few cities and then said, “Maybe even Woodland Park.”
My insides quaked at the mention of Chris’s town. My mouth dried as I tried to formulate a response. “Um, I’m temporarily living there, but I’m not really sure I like the commute.” Surely that was the reason I didn’t want to live there any longer. It had nothing to do with the blue-eyed man who smelled like the woods in all the best of ways.
“I hate to point this out, but this house has an even longer drive than your current commute.”
Something I already knew. “What are the pros again?” My gaze scanned the interior once again.
“There’s a really good school district here.” Kate studied me. “But if this isn’t the home for you, I’m sure I can find something comparable in Woodland Park. You wouldn’t have to uproot your kids.”
I stepped back. This was too much. How was I supposed to plan Cheye’s and Ash’s futures? That was what Ellynn should be doing. If I uprooted them again, would that compound the trauma of losing their parents?But you have to. You can’t live with Chris forever.
“Dr. Kennedy?”
I blinked, bringing my Realtor into focus. “I’ll let you know what I decide soon.”
“Fine.” She sighed. “You know how to reach me.”
I thanked her, then hightailed it to the car. Maybe I needed to take up running or something. Join a gym and get some restless energy out of my system, then I’d be able to focus on what mattered.Or maybe consider grief counseling or a single-parent support group.
Asmuch as I tried to work through the pain of losing my sister and brother-in-law, some days the grief overwhelmed me. Looking in the mirror showed I’d aged. If it weren’t for the girls, I’d probably still be lying in bed in a puddle made from my tears. But I knew what it was like when a parent checked out. The girls deserved the best of me. At least the support from Chris helped me not to feel like a true single parent.
But something’s gotta give.
Because lately my emotions were too much. Taking care of the girls exhausted me. Ignoring the feelings I had whenever Chris was around made me panic, like that almost kiss. But the homes I’d toured ... I just didn’tloveany of them. There was no feeling of rightness or a magical yes moment in my head. Only a heap of indecision and the pressure to pick a place in order to move on.
My condo had already sold, so moving back there wasn’t an option. And surely Chris wanted his space and privacy back, but he had made it clear there wasn’t a rush for me and the girls to find our own place.Iwas the one putting pressure on myself. I hated owing a person, and the amount of good deeds Chris had imparted on me ... Frankly, it would take me a lifetime to pay him back.
