JULIUS
It wasdark out by the time we walked through the front door later that day. We hadn’t said too much to each other since we left my attorney’s office. We were there all afternoon. Once she walked into the kitchen, she started cooking dinner.
I left her there and went to take a shower, needing the hot water to help with my tense shoulders. I had a splitting headache, hating that all of this was happening and that I was arguing with her over Kraven.
It was this endless cycle we couldn’t break. I was livid that she kept this from me, and I was slapped in the face with my brother’s bullshit. It wasn’t like I could have done anything to stop the fallout, but it would’ve been nice to have a warning.
I was at my wits' end. It was such an unfamiliar emotion for me. To feel this out of control with the truth staring right at me. I never meant to hurt Isla. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I knew she was mad at me, but I didn’t think she’d be this pissed. With the way she looked at me…
Love no longer illuminated her green gaze. Instead, betrayal did, which was funny, seeing as I felt the same way when it came to Kraven and her and their little secrets.
Just like that, an unsettling and disturbing feeling seeped into the core of my being. My heart beat out of my chest, the pulse in my neck profusely pounding against my skin while sweat pooled at my temples. My eyes shifted every which way when I entered the bathroom, wanting to wash off the day.
Words couldn’t describe what I felt. The sentiments that surged through my bloodstream. I forced myself to get my shit together as I turned on the shower.
Every bone in my body felt tense.
Every part of me felt on edge.
My blood raged, blinded by the craze of everything I was feeling. I took a deep breath and cracked my neck, feeling the throbbing strain from my pulsating jugular vein. My brother knew how to push every one of my buttons and did it without any hesitation whatsoever. It didn’t matter how much I’d proved myself to him over the years. Nothing was ever good enough. Now he was pushing me to the brink of insanity, and I was just supposed to sit back and obey like a fucking lap dog.
Trouble was his go-to card, hanging it over my head for as long as I could remember. My resentment toward his persistent demands also grew over the years. His expectations of me were ridiculous.
However, this one took the cake.
I couldn’t believe he thought I’d just bend to his will.
Kraven’s audacity knew no bounds.
He was relentless in his pursuit, determined to make whatever he believed was right happen, no matter who or what it affected. For the first time in my life, I had no idea what the outcome would be, and I hated that more than anything. I wasn’t used to not being in control, even down to breaking the law to make sure I was. This was wreaking havoc in my life.
I tried ignoring the looming feeling in the pit of my stomach and jumped into the shower instead. After I was done, I threw on a pair of gym shorts and made my way to the kitchen. Isla had finished cooking and set a plate for me at the table.
This was our thing. We always ate our meals together at the dining table, and I didn’t have the heart to let her down on this, too. Ipoured myself a glass of lemonade, sitting in my usual spot in front of her.
Chalk it up to emotions, or maybe it was me wanting to form a connection with her. In that second, sitting in front of her, it felt as if I were the first person she had ever experienced anything like this with. I’d expose a side to me that no one knew existed, possibly not even me.
I needed to spill what was weighing on me—not just to anyone, but to her. My body shifted around as I abruptly looked deep into her eyes, searching for something I couldn’t place. The only thing I could see was a war raging in her stare. An internal battle took place over what was right and what was wrong. It was sitting directly in front of her this whole time.
Me.
Her serious expression captivated me in a way I had never experienced before, only adding to the plaguing feelings that were destroying our relationship.
I didn’t make her wait too long, divulging, “She left a note on the fridge that said be back in ten, Isla. That was her goodbye to us. Do you have any idea how long I waited for those ten minutes? A part of me is still waiting… and I hate that more than absolutely anything. She doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. She doesn’t even deserve my thoughts. She deserves nothing from me… and even that is too much to ask. Do you understand me? Do you understand the woman you want to bring back around? Where do you think she’s going to go? Here? In this house? The one you’ve made into a home, with us?”
She didn’t move.
She was barely breathing.
Not wanting to distract herself from what I was willingly sharing.
I didn’t let up, needing to get it all out. “You’re probably questioning everything I told you and everything I didn’t, and quite honestly, I don’t blame you. It’s a lot to unpack. It’s why I didn’t tell you to begin with. But it’s my heavy load, not yours. You have enough of your own shit without having to deal with mine too.” I paused, allowing her to catch up. “I could sit here and tell you storyafter story of the shit she put us through, but it’d be a waste of time… Nothing is going to change where we are today because of her choices, and I refuse to give her the benefit of the doubt. Not when I spent most of our lives raising myself and her son.”
For a moment, our life seemed still. Not filled with all these complicated indecisions of the future. I never thought I’d be living a life that appeared to be someone else’s—day in and day out.
With an intense stare, I left her speechless. Her gaze spoke volumes withouthaving to say a word as she sat there. I welcomed the way she was gazing at me although it killed me inside. At least I felt like I was getting through to her on why we didn’t need the chaos that was our mom.
Breaking our trancelike state, I asked, “Do you understand where I’m coming from?”
