When I found out I was pregnant this time, I had a completely different feeling from my first time. Then, I was filled with so many emotions but most importantly, I was happy that I would be able to give the love that I’d always received from my parents to someone else. I knew how to care for and nurture my child. Loving my baby wouldn’t have been hard either because it was unconditional. This baby right here would love me back, just the same. I didn’t have to be perfect, I just had to show up and be Mommy. I was ready to give it my all and more.
This time... this time I could honestly say, I wasn’t ready. In the middle of the season's biggest games, I was sick and not because of my pregnancy. It felt like I had just lost the love of mylife, type of sick. This was unexpected, and if I had any clue that I could get pregnant, I wouldn’t have. It’s scary and something that I didn’t think my body... or my mental could handle. I wanted to be happy because my man was happy.
Taking his joy away by saying, ‘I'm happy but...’ is something that I tried so hard not to do. So not only had I been cautious and barely moving because I was afraid I’d lose our baby, but I had to continuously put on a happy face when Sin was around. Not matter how fucked-up I truly felt.
Exhaling, I wiped my eyes and scanned the room one more time.
“Baby, get off the floor. You have to be at the doctor in thirty minutes. What yo’ ass sitting down here meditating for?”
Sin has been so encouraging through all of this. Knowing my fears, he came through every time to make things all better. From flowers, massages, to keeping my mental protected and I loved him so much for that.
“I... I can’t find the CD.” Using the back of my hand, I wiped my eyes.
“That’s because I already put it in your purse.”
“Huh? Why would you scare me like that? I thought I lost it,” I unintentionally screamed out.
“Baby, I was trying to make sure you didn’t forget it. I wanted to have memories of my shawty too, so shit, I did that shit for us not just you. Thank you would sound way better than you still cutting my head off.”
“Next time just don’t touch it. I was in here going crazy and crying about not being a good mother when the whole time, the daddy wanted to take shit without letting me know.”
“Naomi London Smith, I let you slide with a lot of shit because I love you and ya pussy good but I’ain gon’ keep letting you pop off on me when I ain’t do shit. Now I know you are upset for no reason, but I’ll never shout at you, and you need to not do thatsame shit to me. Pregnant or not, I’ll fold ya lil’ mean ass up and fuck the shit out of you until you lose that funky ass attitude. Put these damn slides on before me and the baby leave yo’ ass here and go to the doctor ourselves.”
Confused, I stopped frowning just to look at him.
“How you gon’ do that if the baby is inside of me?”
“Fuck around and find out.”
Bending down, he placed the slides in front of me then walked off. I should’ve been relieved that the CD wasn’t lost, but now my feelings were hurt for real and I’ain like him walking out on me like that.
Heading down the stairs, I grabbed my purse off the table then walked out the door with Sin right behind me. I stopped and stood at his truck door, waiting for him to open it up for me.
“Really, Jamison?”
“Treat me how you want to be treated,” was his reply after sliding in the driver seat without opening the door for me.
“Petty ass,” I mumbled after slamming the truck door.
“Let’s get this understood now. You may be stressed but I’m stressed, too. All of this is new to me, but I don’t have time to enjoy the moment because I’m too busy making sure you are keeping a leveled head because of what you’ve gone through already. Do I want to celebrate that I’m about to bring a healthy baby into this world? Hell yes! Do I? Hell no. Why? Because I’m worried that if I get too excited, you may say something negative to fuck up my joy. Like you did when I went to buy baby things. You could have handled that shit differently without making me feel like I was fucked-up for being a daddy and excited about our baby.”
“You lost a baby, and I’m not taking anything like that lightly, but I won’t live in darkness and have my baby coming out all mean, stressed out with wrinkles on his forehead ‘cause he’s endured his mother's sadness for nine months. Normally whatyou eat doesn’t make the next person sick but it does for my baby. If you are stressed, so is the baby. If you are happy, then he will be happy, too. Allow us this time to be happy and stop thinking about what we can’t control. Whatever happens, happens but regardless, I ain’t going nowhere.”
Tweaking my chin, I smiled before apologizing. “I don’t want you to have to pay for what happened in my last relationship. I’ll do better and from this moment on, I will do anything to make sure we are all happy. If I start having a moment, I’ll let you know so I can go get a breather.”
“We are in this together. Remember that.” Smiling, he kissed my cheek then my lips before pulling out of the driveway.
SIN
“If we weren’t in this doctor's office, I would be trying to get my nut back from you leaving me hanging the other night. Yo’ ass looking good in that backless dress. I bet chu’ won’t turn it around to the front. Let that pretty pussy show instead.”
“Sin, have you noticed that since I’ve been pregnant, all you want to do is have sex?”
“And all you wanna do is eat and sleep, so we’re even. You get what you want, and so do I.”
“Acting like a little horny-ass teen.”
“But you wasn’t saying that the other night all you said was... ‘Hmm suck harder.’”
