Robotically, Amelia drove back to her apartment. She didn’t even remember reaching it until she came to a stop in her parking spot.
After sitting for a moment in her car, Amelia gathered up the thick binder, her purse, and her phone and went inside the building. With slow, weary steps, she climbed the stairs to her apartment and let herself into the quiet space.
As soon as she shut the door behind her, Amelia sagged back against it, then slid down to the floor, letting the binder and her purse slip from her grasp. She covered her face with her hands and let the tears she’d been holding back for so long flow.
Time seemed to slow as Amelia wept, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs. All the fear, uncertainty, and grief she'd been holding back crashed through her like a tidal wave.
The diagnosis wasn’t a death sentence, but it was a life sentence. One that would never let her return to who she'd once been.
She pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears. Her chest ached with each ragged breath.
This wasn't temporary. This wasn't something she could fight her way through with determination and grit.
This was her future. A future that was far from the life she’d once imagined having.
The hardwood floor was cold and uncomfortable beneath her, but Amelia couldn't find the energy to move. Her body felt impossibly heavy, weighed down by the reality she now had to face.
It wasn’t until the doctor had named the conditions that Amelia realized she’d still been harboring hope. Hope that there would be a clear path to recovery. A treatment that would make her feel like herself again.
Something that would give her back her dreams. Instead, they’d been permanently ripped away.
Her phone buzzed in her purse, and with a sigh, she fished it out. She glanced at the time before checking the message.
10:56
She had an hour and a half before she needed to be at the church.
Her eyes went to the message next.
Ben:Fancy going out for dinner after the clinic this afternoon?
Her mind immediately went to the kiss they’d shared on the boat. For a brief moment in time, she’d once again been a girl with the boy she loved, with the future lying before them bright and promising.
The past few hours had been a stark reminder that she wasn’t that girl anymore. And she never would be.
Ben might be able to forget that there was something wrong with her. On the days that she moved more easily and she was more relaxed, it might not be at the forefront of his mind that she had physical challenges.
That wasn’t the case with her. Even on her “good” days, there was pain. She could never, ever forget that her body no longer belonged to her youth. To her dreams.
It would forever belong to her conditions and the demands they made on her.
It’s not been a great day so far, so I’ll have to pass. I’m sorry.
Ben:You don’t need to apologize. What are your levels?
Amelia sat for a moment, considering how to answer him. That day, the pain in her body wasn’t the worst, but the pain in her heart… That was off the scale.
Still, knowing he was waiting for her to reply, she had to give him a response that backed up her reasons for not being able to go to dinner.
7 8
The 8 was definitely the truth. She was tired. So very tired. But she still had to follow through on her responsibilities. Even if she couldn’t go for dinner, she had to do her job.
Ben:I’m sorry to hear that. Are you going to be able to work this afternoon? I’m sure we could cover for you at the clinic.
Amelia was so tempted, but she hadn’t let her pain keep her from her responsibilities yet.
I think I’ll be okay for the few hours I need to be there. Then I’ll just come home and crash.
