I didn’t really realize what a strain that was until now.
Now I can communicate without struggling.
Fuck. My lungs expand and contract as I’m ushered into the living room, hands flying, asking me how it was living so far away for so long.
I’m going to be up all night recounting the last three years.
An energy drink is thrust into my hand, and my eyes meet Robbie’s as he smiles. He looks older but still just as happy, and Thom only seems to have grown hotter, bigger.
He looks like a supermodel.
Fuck, what does Dex look like in person now?
I’m not going to survive this, am I?
I’m immediately distracted when Quinn elbows Theo and points at me. ‘Look-look.’ His tongue is moving quickly.
Theo gives me a slow up and down, then grins and nods. ‘Yeah.’
I glare. ‘What?’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Quinn insists, which of course makes me immediately worry about it. God, do I look weird? Different? Like I don’t belong?
I cannot believe I’m panicking in my own home, surrounded by my own friends and family.
Theo slides up to me, obviously the one who is intent onbeing the good guy, and he waves his hand up and down my body. ‘Very French.’
I stare, then shove him away as he bursts into laughter. ‘Fuck you.’
Theo mimics twirling a mustache, and Quinn mimes smoking a cigarette and sipping wine.
‘I hate you.’
They laugh again, and something in me settles. I really am home. Robbie appears beside me, dropping onto the arm of the couch as I sink back against the cushions. He really does look happy, and I’m honestly not even mad about it.
‘Leave Rome alone. He’s had a long flight.’
His brothers pout a little but shrug, and Quinn waves at me to get my attention. ‘How was France after we visited?’
‘Fine.’
Quinn kicked me in the shin. ‘Fine? More detail. Tell everything.’
‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’
‘French dick?’ Theo asked. ‘Blowjobs?’
Do I lie or tell the truth? I was a total loser. A social pariah of my own making in France. I should have come home with a belt so notched it won’t even buckle anymore, but instead, I was a hermit pining for some guy who I have no business pining over.
I feel a wave of panic suddenly. They’ll be able to read all of this on my face. Their Deaf eyes miss nothing, and I don’t know how to hide it.
‘Be right back,’ I sign, fingers shaking slightly. I jump up and head through the kitchen and past the sliding door, and breathe a little easier the moment I’m out in the fresh air. It smells like home, even if it’s not my place.
It’s still the small town where I grew up. A place that has seen me at my best and my worst.
No one’s outside in the tiny backyard, so I lean against the fence and stare off into the distance. There’s a large field and a tiny manmade lake with several swans floating around. It’s pretty, though I know the swans are nasty little bastards who are almost as bad as the geese. But for now, it’s mine.
Footsteps rumble under my feet, but I don’t look over as the person approaches. I know who it’s going to be. Only one person would be brave enough to chase me down with the mood I’m in.
