But Drew is very good at cuddling, so I don’t care how he identifies. It’s why I was thrilled when he put that big-ass rock on Lexi’s finger last month, even if it makes me seethe with jealousy that I don’t have someone who looks at me the way he looks at her.
“How can anyone expect me to go to this…this fucking party?” I ask. I’m a little tipsy. Not enough though. Lexi only had half a bottle of Malbec in her kitchen, and most of that is currently in my stomach. “They’re all going to know.”
“They’re not going to know. Rome isn’t the kind of guy to kiss and tell,” she assures me, petting my hair.
“You don’t even know him,” I whine.
She shrugs. She doesn’t know him. She was teaching at the college Robbie works at, but because of funding cuts, programs were downsized, so she’s been working as an interpreter for the last year.
When Rome left, she was still new in town. The Deaf community is small, but it can be a little slow to accept outsiders. Especially hearing ones. We bonded over that a little, and for the first time since starting this journey, I felt heard.
“Yes, but I know guys like him, okay?” she says. She pats the back of my head, and my vision wobbles for a second. Fuck, I need more wine.
Leaning away from both Drew and Lexi, I cover my face, though I make sure my mouth is visible since Drew is hard of hearing. “Why do I still feel like this? Why didn’t all that other dick cleanse me of these feelings?”
Drew snorts. “Maybe you didn’t get enough. Or maybe the dick you had was faulty.”
I pull one hand down to glare at him with a single exposed eye. “Maybe someone should find me something better. Do you have a brother?”
Drew grimaces. “Yes, but you met him.”
I did meet him. He’s not queer, and he’s not nice. “Cousin?”
“Trust me, my family is not a pond you want to go fishing in,” Drew says softly. He pulls my other hand away from my face. “Maybe you just need to see him. You’ve had three years to pine with no kind of closure. Going over there might give you a chance to, you know, move on.”
“Drew’s right, babe,” Lexi says softly.
I turn my glare on her. “You always take his side.”
She pinches my cheek. “Only when he’s right.”
Which is most of the time, but I will not admit that aloud while I’m drunk and sad.
“I think I’m going to make a total ass of myself if I show up,” I finally admit. “I’m not good at playing it cool.”
“You’re better than you think you are,” Drew says. “Yougave Lexi more than second thoughts when I came back into town.”
Guilt hits me. I did attempt to fight for her—briefly, and kind of weakly. I’d attempted a whole, unbothered attitude the first few times I met Drew, but it hadn’t mattered. I wasn’t in love with Lexi. I loved her, but that wasn’t enough. She deserved better, and Drew could give her that.
“You don’t need to flatter me.”
“I’m not,” Drew says.
“He really isn’t. But it was obvious you were still hung up on Rome,” Lexi adds. “Otherwise, I might have been really conflicted. You’re a good guy, babe. You’re one of my favorite people in the entire world. You deserve to be happy.”
“How about you both marry me instead?” I huff.
Drew laughs. “You know you’d be miserable. And Lexi’s right. You deserve to be actually happy. Just be patient.”
“But I’ve been patient for solooooong,” I moan.
Lexi wraps her arms around me tighter. “How about this? If you’re still looking for love by the wedding, Drew and I will make sure we have at least one available person at the reception that we know you’ll like.”
I wrinkle my nose. I want to say yes, because the offer is kind, and also because they both have gorgeous friends of literally all genders. But there’s one big, massive problem with that.
None of those friends are Rome.
But maybe they’re right. Maybe this is all about closure.
