‘You do?’
He nods. ‘Yeah, fuck.’ He looks around at the mess that seems to be taking over his whole workspace. ‘I’m not sure any of this was meant to be like this, but it’s where we are.’
‘So, you’re taking over the team?’ He nods again.
‘Don’t you want to?’ I ask, and he just laughs. ‘I’m being serious. you threw me away like trash for all this, so I at least deserve to know whether it was worth it. Don’t I?’
He sighs, closes his laptop and undoes the top couple of buttons of his shirt before leaning back in his seat. He looks rough, there’s no denying it.
‘Yeah, you do. Firstly, Jo, I am sorry about how everything went down. I was selfish and stupid, trying to have it all when this job was eating up every moment of my day. It’s a lot. I don’t know how Dad did it. But I want to find that balance like he did with Joyce, his new wife. I want that kind of peace… with you. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I wish I’d never broken up with you.’ Every word depletes him, and I see the regret truly is there, but it doesn’t hurt like I thought it would.
And in absolutely no way does it make me want to run back to him.
Jackson always spoke a lot about his dad. About how much Anders did for him, especially after his mum died. How his dad supported him, making sure Jackson wanted for nothing. It makes all the sense in the world that Jackson felt like he couldn’t say no.
‘So, that was your big plan? Get me in here and, what, convince me to give this another go?’ I gesture between the two of us. ‘After you strung me along for years, promised the world and only tossed me scraps of affection?’
‘I loved you so much that I couldn’t stop. Even when a month went by without us hardly seeing each other, to get to call you at the end of a tough week and know you were there made taking on this job so much easier.’
‘For you, maybe. For me it was fucking hell, Jackson. You put me through hell.’ I’m glad to hear anger in my voice rather than sadness. He doesn’t deserve my tears.
‘I am really truly sorry, Jo. I mean it. I see now how selfish I was. In the moment I didn’t see that, and that’s so fucked up. Iwanted it all and I couldn’t have it. The happier I saw my dad become, the more he brought up leaving the team, the more I knew I had to end things with you.’
Jackson’s resigned himself to having nothing else but this job. I almost feel sorry for him.
‘And you thought dumping me at my best-friend’s wedding after a humiliating performance on the track was the right time to do that? You nearly cost me my season.’
‘I know and there aren’t enough times or ways I can say sorry?—’
‘You’re right, there aren’t,’ I interrupt.
‘You’ve pulled it back, though. It’s clear from the way you’re rising back up towards that top spot every weekend.’
‘No fucking thanks to you! Everything I’ve achieved since then has been because I refused to let you break me. Because I have people around me who love me and support me and value me. When you stand at the top of Hendersohm, you’ll realise you’re completely alone and you’ll always wonder whether it was worth it. But when I stand at the top of the podium, which I will at the end of this season, I know I’ll never stand there alone, and that makes everything I achieve worth a thousand times more. Enjoy the view from the top, Jackson. I know I will.’
‘Please, Jo, please will you give me another chance? I don’t want to be at the top all on my own. I want you there with me.’
‘Not a fucking chance. I’ve found something greater than you and I ever could have had. Someone who loves me in a way I don’t think you’re even capable of.’
His face falls, and I think this is when he knows there’s no chance left at all.
‘I’m glad for you, Jo, I really am. That’s what you deserve.’ He sounds earnest but I’m so over this. I truly don’t care anymore.
‘Good luck in the rest of the season. May the best man win,’ I say.
I don’t wait for his reply. I’m just glad my friends are waiting for me outside. Kian and Harper step away from the door as it opens. While Kian steps into the office, Harper slings an arm around me to guide me out of the backdoor they snuck me in.
‘You okay?’ He asks as we walk back through the paddock towards my own team.
‘Yeah, I really am. Closure sure feels good.’ The shaking hands that I walked into his office with are gone. My whole body feels the relief of the confrontation, and I hold my head high again.
‘I don’t like that glint in your eye at all. You’re going to try and destroy me on track today, aren’t you?’
I smirk at him.
‘You have no idea, Harps.’
He grins and accepts the challenge.
