* * *
The technical panel passes in a blur, and I hardly remember any of it.
‘You wanna grab some lunch with us?’ Cole asks as we are finally released from the motorhome for the day.
‘There’s this deli place we passed on the main road out of Marseille,’ says Ash.
‘Fuck, yeah!’ I reply, as we push through the double doors into a very warm French afternoon.
‘Or not…’ Cole comments, his eyes sliding to the lamppost holding up the guy who haunts my dreams every night.
‘We’ll catch you later.’ Ash claps his hands on my shoulders and gives me a small shove in Johannes’s direction.
Do they know? I feel a sudden wash of panic, but I tell myself even a blind man could see there was chemistry between us in Monaco. It doesn’t mean they know about the… other stuff.
But, then, I don’t care, becausehe’shere. Even if we can’t be anything other than friends, he’s waiting for me. I can’t even comprehend why that means so much to me.
‘Thought you might be hungry,’ he says. ‘Filming can be more exhausting than an actual race. So much waiting around.’ He’s not wrong– I’ve hardly had to use my brain at all today and yet I feel like I could fall asleep standing up.
‘Did you come all this way just to take me out for lunch?’ I tease.
‘I had a meeting with some of the higher-ups and my agent– contract negotiations, ya know.’ He shrugs, but there’s a small smile tugging at his lips, so it must have gone well.
Apart from Spielberg and Silverstone, he’s having a good season and I don’t see any reason why RBF would not want to keep him on. Nils already has two more years on his contract here and him and Jo work together as perfect teammates. Why sacrifice that?
Unless he gets caught acting unprofessionally with another member of the team. Especially his race engineer,I quickly remind myself. Although, I’m pretty sure that I would fare worse if we ever did do anything stupid and management found out.
They aren’t going to get rid of their star driver. Especially if he manages to bring home the championship this year.
‘So, lunch?’ He suggests again pulling me out of the panic I could easily spiral into if I think too much about it. I really can’t afford to risk this job. That’s a thought that needs to stay front of my mind.
‘Uh.’ I should say no. I really should say no, I should go back to my room and do some more tape prep for this weekend, but then my stomach grumbles and the pull towards Johannes is too strong for me to resist. ‘Yeah, lunch sounds good.’
He tells me about a spot where they make fresh focaccia, complaining that he’s never been able to make it as well himself.
‘Maybe when the season’s over, I’ll get back into bread making. Kian cooks these amazing, land to table meals, and when I was there last month I was inspired to get back into fresh eating. I mean, Kian literally went out and retrieved the eggs we had for breakfast one morning.’
‘You want a farm?’ I can’t quite picture Johannes, all manicured and stylish, working with animals.
He shakes his head, laughing around a bite of a very meaty-looking sandwich. ‘No, not at all. I don’t wanna have to get mucky every day. I mean, like, making things from scratch sounds good to me.’
I can’t help picturing his strong hands as he guided me in the use of the pasta machine and how ridiculously sexy he looked doing it. I swear, I remember every popping vein in his hands and forearms.
We finish the sandwiches and reluctantly start to head back.
‘Thanks for lunch,’ I say as we linger on the path outside the café. ‘You need a lift back?’
‘Nah.’ He shakes his head. ‘I’m meeting Nils to help him pick out some clothes. Maybe he’ll actually wear something that doesn’t look two sizes too big if I choose it for him. I’ll see you at the track.’ He goes in for a full hug at the same time I do– a sideways bro hug– and the confusion and clash of body parts means there’s some fumbling before his head falls to my shoulder and he holds me tight.
It’s the least ‘just friends’ hug I’ve ever received from someone. His fingers dance along the dip in my spine and itmakes me clench my hands around the back of his shirt. If someone, anyone, who recognised him sees us like this, it would not be a big leap to assume something’s going on between us.
Which is why I have to break free from the hug before I do something stupid like wind my arms around his neck and kiss him.
‘See you tomorrow,’ I call out, abruptly abandoning him as I power-walk back to my car.
* * *
I try to limit our alone interactions for the rest of the weekend, but it does nothing to stop my feelings growing. This is bad. Really bad.
