I had to swallow again before I could speak. “It seems she got her wish of marrying a prince, then.”
“Good riddance,” Greg said firmly. “You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not what you represent.”
I did, but that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt as hell, knowing that she’d flat-out used me. “Well, if Gottfried is content with his limited role in her life as arm candy and door opener, best of luck to him.”
“Amen to that,” Tore said. “There’s someone far better out there for you. I never liked her anyway.”
He hadn’t and neither had the others, which should’ve been a major red flag all in itself.
“Speaking of which,” Floris said, as always adept at diffusing tension, “has anyone caught your eye yet there? Come on, you’ve been there for a while now. You must’ve noticed someone.”
The question caught me off guard, and heat crept up my neck. “I’m not here to date. I’m here to coach hockey.”
“That’s not an answer,” Tore pointed out.
“Farron’s corrupted you,” I said, trying to deflect. “You’ve become a romantic.”
“Farron’s opened my eyes to a lot of things,” Tore said, his voice taking on a softer tone. “Including the fact that love isn’t something you plan for. It happens. And when it does, you don’t fight it.”
Something about the way he said it, the obvious contentment in his voice when he talked about Farron, triggered recognition. Because I did know what he meant. I’d felt that pull, that unexpected awareness.
“Actually,” I heard myself saying, “I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.”
The words hung in the air for a moment, surprising all of us and me most of all. I hadn’t planned to say it, but it had just slipped off my lips.
“Really?” Floris said, his voice surprisingly gentle for someone who was usually so direct. “That’s wonderful, Nils. What brought this on?”
“I…” I paused, unsure how to explain without giving away too much. “I’ve been attracted to men before, like my roommate in college, but I always thought those were flukes since I’ve only been with women. Lately, though, I’ve been more aware of it. More honest with myself about what I’m feeling.”
“Anyone in particular?” Greg asked, and if anyone understood how complicated this all was, it was him. We all knew he was gay. Not bi, but gay. But no one else did, least of all his family. He feared their reaction too much to come out. It broke my heart that, even in this day and age, he still could not be himself.
At least I would never have to worry about that. My aunt, my dad’s sister, was a lesbian and happily married to her long-time partner, and everyone was fine with it. I had no doubts they would fully accept my bisexuality.
“Someone I can’t pursue,” I said carefully. “Someone where it would be inappropriate.”
“Why inappropriate?” Tore asked.
“Professional reasons. There are boundaries I can’t cross.”
“Boundaries can be navigated,” Floris pointed out. “Especially if the feelings are mutual.”
Mutual?I almost laughed at the suggestion that Adan would be attracted to me. “They’re not, but even if they were, it wouldn’t matter.”
“Why not?” All three of them said it simultaneously, which would’ve been funny under different circumstances.
“Because it’s the right thing to do. There are power dynamics involved, professional considerations. I can’t compromise my ethics.”
“But you’re attracted to him,” Greg said. It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.” I could admit that much. Lying about that was futile. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything about it.”
“Nils,” Tore said gently, “life is short. And love—or whatever this is—doesn’t come around that often. Are you sure you want to ignore it?”
Love?Boy, was he getting ahead of himself there. Had to be his happiness with Farron that made him see love everywhere. “This is not love. It’s mere attraction, that’s all. And I’m not ignoring it. I’m talking to you guys about it, aren’t I? I’m being responsible about it. Like an adult.”
“There’s a difference between being responsible and being a coward,” Floris said.
I bristled. “I’m not being a coward. I’m being professional.”
