I grabbed it from her hand and headed straight out the back door, ignoring people who called my name, acting like they still knew me. I lit a cigarette on the back step, cupping the flame against the wind as it illuminated my face for a split second. Lolling my head back, I took in the cold air as smoke trickled from my lips, eyes lazily shut, wishing away the other voices surrounding me. It wasn’t long before I felt a presence beside me. Opening one eye, I glanced to my side. A girl, tall but obviously underage. Her face was plastered in makeup, and heroverly sweet perfume was spilling from her like she’d just taken a bath in the stuff.
“You always sit in the dark, or are you avoiding someone?”
My eyes remained forward, looking into the darkness of the garden. “Depends, who’s askin'?”
A smirk quickly formed on her face, “You got plans tonight?” she asked, stepping in closer.
“Yeah, drink until I can no longer stand straight, might even wreck someone else in the process. If I’m lucky,” She blinked, taken aback, like she didn’t know if it was a pickup line or a threat. I took another long drag on my cigarette before flicking the butt into the dark.
“That’s a bit deep.” Crossing her arms against the chill of the night.
I chuckled, “That’s what she said.” Then I saw the shift, it’s so fucking obvious. The slight change in the light in her eye, as if she might get a chance with me. Sorry love, I don’t do kids.
“Is that your way of saying you were hoping I’d come over? We could talk if you want.”
“If I’m hoping for anything tonight, it wouldn’t be something as tame as a conversation.”
She let out this annoying cackle, telling me she didn’t really understand the intent behind my words. “Careful. That almost sounded like a threat.”
I nodded, lifting the bottle in my hand closer to my lips. “Well, sweetheart. I don’t make threats. I am one.”
Her eyes narrowed to me as she scanned my face. “The bad boy vibe is strong tonight, love that.”
I shifted myself, towering over her as she stumbled back against the wall of the house, as an uncomfortable shift took over.
“This is the part where you walk away pretending you weren’t curious,” I murmured. “Do yourself a favour and don’t make it awkward.”
I left her there, standing speechless on the back step, as I lifted the bottle, taking a long swig, feeling the burn sliding down my throat.
As the night went on, the music in the house still roared in my ears; it had dulled slightly from the booze, but I’d had enough. The room had started spinning, and my head felt thick and heavy, as if it were full of cotton wool. Everyone was wasted, slumping onto me as they passed. Danny flat out on the kitchen table, half-drooling with crumpled notes in his hand.
I grinned, slowly uncurling his fingers before stashing the lot. “I’ll be having those, thanks.”
My mouth was dry and bitter, but with a sweet aftertaste of some girl’s lip gloss. I don’t even remember her name; she did tell me, but I didn’t really give a shit. Her hands were drifting up my top, indicating she wanted more from me than a meaningless make-out session, but she was just a means to an end to pass the time.
I decided to slip out, try my luck elsewhere. I staggered down the street as the cold air stabbed through my t-shirt, my unsteady feet dragging underneath me as the fuzz built up behind my eyes. The city was teeming with life, neon signs flickering weakly above packed bars, only enhancing my already spinning mind. Then I found the place.
A narrow alley led towards a black door that was cracked slightly, allowing the music to spill out from inside. Loud and raw, it called to me as I headed in its direction. The sign above was nearly faded, just a red skull spray-painted onto warped wood. A smile crept across my face as I pushed the door open, stepping inside, the music hitting me as it thudded through my chest.
The crowd mainly consisted of leather, heavy eyeliner, and attitude, with dudes wearing patched jackets and girls sporting chain belts and boots that looked like they’d seen a riot. No eyes sizing me up, just noise and escape, it felt like my kind of bar. Its dark walls were plastered in faded gig posters and peeling stickers from bands no one remembered, black-and-white Xeroxed chaos frozen in time. Red neon lights buzzed above like a wasp, casting everything in a dirty crimson. Behind the bar, a woman with a lip ring and bleached hair poured shots like she was dealing medicine, not poison. My eyes drifted to the stage as I slid through the crowd, heading for the bar; the singer screamed as if his throat was on fire. Upon hitting the bar, the room was still shifting slightly under my feet. I ordered something that burned —maybe vodka. It didn’t matter; I was getting used to the feeling.
Leaning my back against it, I continued taking in the scene. There was a booth in the corner where two guys argued over a pool of spilled whiskey, and a couple pressed against the back wall like the world didn’t exist.
The hallway to the bathroom was narrow and warped, just like the rest of the place—it stank of bleach and old piss. My boots stuck to the floor a little with every step, the music dulling behind the walls into a heartbeat. I wasn’t walking straight. That much was obvious. Whiskey hummed through my blood, mixing delightfully with the cheap Vodka I’d picked up.
Everything felt soft around the edges, reality was smudged, and I was floating through the middle of it. My head lolling forward as I pushed my way past the others lingering against the walls. My shoulder jolted hard as I then stumbled and caught myself on the door frame to the bathroom.
“Watch it dick!” I snapped, my swaying eyes rising until everything froze. Her. Misfit. Hair darker and messier than Iremembered, longer too, mostly shoved beneath a hood that only half-hid the face I knew too well.
The same sharp eyes widened as they fell onto me, the same don’t-fuck-with-me scowl, which I had once grown to appreciate.
She blinked, lips parted slightly, like she hadn’t expected to see me either.
A year and five months. That’s how long it had been since she got carted off to the psych ward.
Since she clawed at my jumper, dragging me towards her, as they put her ass out with the taser.
Since I was left with a quiet cell and a louder mind. Not that I was counting or anything. I didn’t say anything at first. Just leaned against the frame, desperately trying to focus through the haze and taking her in like a ghost that hadn’t quite decided if it was real yet. She recovered first. Rolled her eyes, moving to push past me. I swiftly moved, blocking her way.
