I turned around in my seat to look at her. “Squeeks?” She didn’t answer. Just kept staring out the window, arms crossed so tight her knuckles were white.
“What happened?” I asked, softer this time.
Danny chuckled, “Don’t worry about it. You’re back now. We’ll sort things.”
“Shut up,” I snapped, my eyes still on her. “What happened?”
She blinked once. “It was temporary,” she said, her voice hollow. There was more to this, and she was keeping it hidden from me.
“She’s been back with us a few weeks now,” Danny added, too casually. “Doing alright though, aren’t you gorgeous?” I could see her skin crawling at the very sound of his endearing comment. She didn’t answer. I sat back, fists clenched in my lap. My fingernails bit into my palms. This wasn’t what freedom was supposed to feel like.
I spent the rest of the journey back in silence, my forehead resting against the frame of the car window, all while Danny continued blabbing on about this big money-making idea he had. I just watched the world pass by, recognising the familiar shit hole we got to call home. Danny killed the engine and nodded toward the door. “Home sweet home.”
Squeeks didn’t waste any time sliding out of the back seat without a word. I followed, the front door of the house creaking open before I even closed the car door. She was already there, looking down on me as she leaned against the door frame. Mum.
Cigarette pinched between two yellowed fingers, mascara thick and flaking around the corners of her eyes, her robe slung off one shoulder. She hadn’t changed. If anything, she looked more faded.
“Well, look who’s all grown up,” she rasped. A slight smile touched her lips, making it look like she almost missed me. But I knew she didn’t; I brought too much trouble to her door for that to be the case. I didn’t say anything, just continued making my way slowly up the path towards her. She took a drag from her cigarette, the smoke spilling from her lips as she spoke.
“Got yourself locked up like a big man. You proud of that?”
I just rolled my eyes as I stepped over the threshold. She looked me over like she was checking meat again. Same as before.
“Still too skinny,” she muttered. “You eat in there?” I ignored the question. Squeeks headed straight up the stairs, fast and shoulders hunched. Her silence was louder than anything else in that room.
Mum’s eyes followed her, “She’s been a right pain in the arse. Always thinking she’s got something clever to say. She gets that from you.”
But there was one burning question I wanted answered. “You let her come back here?” My voice was low as I focused on her, and she shrugged.
“Well, she’s my kid. You expect me to just let ‘em take her?” Her arms slapping at her sides.
“You let the police take me,” I said flatly. Her eyes narrowed to me; the cigarette paused near her lips.
“Don’t start with me Screech. You think I had a choice?” Her eyes drifted out the door towards Danny, whose head was now buried beneath the hood of the car.
“You think raising you two was some fucking fairy tale? More like a fucking nightmare.”
I dropped my shoulders, looking to her through my brow, “Oh yeah, between you and him as role models,” gesturing towards Danny, “It definitely was a fucking nightmare.”
Her mouth twitched, but she didn’t deny it. “Danny’s the one keeping a roof over our heads,” she said finally. “And you’d do well not to forget that. He got you out, didn’t he?” I looked at her, slightly amused. “He didn’t get me out; he was the reason I was in there to begin with. And neither of you showed up. Not even once, so don’t make me laugh.”
“You always were a dramatic little shit.” I didn’t rise to it. Just pushed past her, heading towards the stairs, nothing had changed in this house. Still the same old beaten-up piece of shit it had always been. I took each step slowly, my shoes thudding against the bare wood as I pulled myself up the stairs, hearing mum behind me, her voice now filled with sarcasm.
“Screech is home!”
I pushed open the door to our room. The wallpaper was more faded than I remembered. My mattress still on the floor, now covered with the sheet from the bed. The air tasted stale, like no one had opened the window in weeks. She was sitting on the edge, arms wrapped around her knees.
When I stepped in, taking in her sullen expression.
“Squeeks,” I said, as she glanced up at me, “You alright?”
She shrugged. “You’re the one who just got out of Juvie. Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” My lips pressed together as I sat down next to her, leaning back against the wall.
We sat there in silence for a while, feeling almost awkward being in each other’s company without the constraints of Juvie.
Breaking the silence, I sat myself forward, “Why are you back here, Squeeks? You were meant to be with that family. It was safe.”
She chewed at the corner of her thumbnail, “Didn’t work out.”
