Hours turned to days. Days to weeks. Counting down the time I had left, marking it all in my head.
The closer it got to my 18th birthday, I knew my time here was coming to an end. The guards seemed to leave me alone, and even Brenner had started softening his tone, like I might snap the bones in his hand if he pushed too hard. But I wasn’t angry anymore, not like I had been before. I was already out the doorin my mind. Already halfway down the road to whatever came next.
The familiar rattle of the guards’ keys sounded outside my cell as I lay sprawled on my bunk. The door clanked open as Darnell stepped inside. He didn’t even look at me, my file tucked under his arm.
“McCabe. Let’s go. You’re done.”
I pulled myself from my bunk and walked over towards the door. “You mean I don’t get a sticker for being a good boy?”
He glared at me, unimpressed.
“What about a celebratory muffin?” I continued.
He tilted his head, pushing me forward by my shoulder, “Shut the fuck up McCabe, and move.”
I chuckled, stumbling slightly as he forced me forward. “Someone’s cranky this morning. Have to say, I’m going to miss your warmth the most,” placing a hand to my chest as I twisted on the spot, walking backwards. There was a glint of a smirk, rolling his eyes as I smiled at him.
Nine months had turned into eleven, and it all came down to this. I was handed a brown paper bag with my old clothes inside; I’d grown a fair bit since being here, so none of them fit. So instead, I was forced to wear some shitty burgundy jumper and jogging bottoms. My trainer laces in a separate envelope, and a half-nod from the CO like he wasn’t sure if I was walking into freedom or straight back into hell.
I didn’t say goodbye; I didn’t have anyone to say goodbye to. They led me through to the reception, where I stood in front of an officer behind a desk. I signed off on some forms and was handed a slip with a list of contacts on the outside, which would be available to me in case of a crisis. I screwed that thing up as soon as it hit my palm.
I was left standing there, twiddling my thumbs, as the officer continued his dull paperwork. It was his words that broke me from my disassociation. “Someone’s here for you.”
I looked at him, confused, “What?” He just waved his hand towards the door, telling them to move me along. Who the fuck was here? Chester maybe? I hadn’t heard from him since I entered Juvie, so why would he turn up now?
I stepped through the double doors into the pale daylight, the sun forcing me to squint like I hadn’t seen it properly in years. And there they were. Danny, leaning against his battered red car with a dirty smirk on his face, cigarette burning low between his fingers. And beside him, to my surprise, was Squeeks. Her arms were crossed. Eyes locked on mine, unreadable. She didn’t smile, and I couldn’t remove the confused expression from mine.
I took a step forward, the gate clanging shut behind me. Danny clapped his hands, opening his arms out wide like we were long-lost mates.
“There’s my boy! Didn’t think they’d break you,” chuckling to himself as I just stared between them.
“You got taller in there,” he went on, looking me up and down with that ratty grin. “Looks like you filled out a bit, too. That will be useful,” and there it was, barely 5 minutes out the gate, and he’s already thinking up ways I can be useful to him. My eyes flicked to Squeeks, and she gave me a slight shake of the head. Barely noticeable. But it was there.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I said.
Danny blowing smoke from the corner of his mouth. “Came to collect you, didn’t I? Ain’t that what family does?”
I looked at Squeeks again. Her jaw was tight. She wasn’t moving toward me. She wasn’t running into my arms like Ithought she would. There was something off about her posture. Something held back.
“We got plans kid,” Danny added. “You’re gonna want to hear 'em—big stuff. Real money. And this time, no screw-ups.” I rolled my eyes at the comment.
“Get in,” Danny said, tossing the keys into the air and catching them. “We’ll talk on the road.” I stared at the car for a long moment. The seat belts were frayed; a crack ran through the windshield like a bolt of lightning frozen mid-strike.
I opened the passenger door and slid into the seat. It smelled like dirty smoke and damp clothes. I should’ve walked, but I couldn’t be arsed with the trek. Squeeks was already in the back, curled against the window, knees up to her chest like she was trying to fold herself into nothing. Danny grinned like a fox in a fucking hen house, “There’s a good lad. Didn’t think you’d make me come all the way down here to get a no.” I looked at him, smelling the fake act a mile off. I didn’t ask him to get me, so why was he being so friendly? Danny didn’t do friendly.
So, if anything, it put my teeth on edge at the mere sound of his upbeat tone. He flicked the keys, and the engine coughed awake.
“Don’t talk,” I said, slumping further into the seat. “Just drive.” Danny snorted, but didn’t push it, solidifying the notion that he wanted something. We pulled away from the gates and for a while, there was only the sound of tyres grinding over gravel and the occasional wheeze of the engine.
I didn’t look at him. I kept my eyes on the side mirror, watching Juvie shrink in the distance like it was just another bad dream in a long string of them. I didn’t speak until we hit the main road.
“Why's she with you?” I said. Danny glanced my way as he kept one hand on the wheel, the other flicking ash out the window.
“What do you mean?”
“She had a foster placement,” I said, sharper now. “A decent one.” Danny’s mouth twisted into a smirk.
“It didn’t last. Did it, sweetheart?” Glancing into the rear-view mirror towards her. “What do you expect, girl like her. They can’t handle her. She’s too much like you, fucking feral.”
