‘Or losing a baby,’ Hope replied. ‘Giving birth and then not having a baby to fill your arms with, it’s the most painful thing of all. But you,’ she said, her smile bright. ‘You have two gorgeous children to hold, to cherish and love. You will mourn your baby, yes, but you will know every day that you’ve made the right choice as you watch your other children grow.’
‘You truly believe that?’
Hope nodded. ‘I do. And I think that in your heart, you know that, too.’
Delphine finally let her gaze rest on her baby daughter again, realising that she’d stopped crying and had gone silent, her tiny hand having wriggled free and now fisted to her chin. Her face was perfect, her little lips dark pink and full, a smattering of dark hair covering her head.
‘I keep thinking of my Florian. Of what a wonderful father he would have been, what it would have been like seeing him hold her.’ Delphine blinked away fresh tears. ‘I keep thinking that he would have done everything he could to protect her, and yet I’m letting her go without a fight.’
‘But he’s not here, my love. You’re alone, and you’re making the only choices you can.’ Hope stood then, leaning over to kiss her forehead before walking away.
Delphine had half a mind to ask her to stay, but she knew she needed to savour these precious moments with her daughter, to soak up every second and commit them to memory, so she’d always be able to close her eyes and remember.
‘Hope?’ she said, looking up from her daughter.
Hope stood at the door, her hand raised to the handle as she looked over her shoulder.
‘I’m sorry about your baby,’ Delphine said. ‘I’m sure you would have been a wonderful mother.’
Hope brushed at the corner of her eye as she slowly nodded. ‘Thank you. I’d like to think I would have been, too.’
And with that, she disappeared and shut the door behind her, leaving Delphine and her baby alone. She stared at her perfect little face, forced herself to kiss those tiny red fingers with even tinier half-moon nails, inhaled the smell of newborn baby. And when she was ready, as her baby started to cry again, she adjusted herself so she could feed her, taking only a few attempts to get her suckling.
The tugging sensation wasn’t unfamiliar to her, but it was so intimate, her tiny infant drinking from her, that it brought tears to her eyes.
I wish I could feed you for a year, as I did my others. I wish I could kiss your little downy head every morning, give you my finger to hold as you drink, swaddle you and comfort you whenever you need your mama.
‘I wish your father could have met you,’ she whispered. ‘He would have loved you so much. You would have had him wrapped around your little finger, his beautiful daughter.’
Her tears fell and dropped onto the baby’s cheek, but Delphine didn’t try to wipe them away because more kept falling, impossible to stop.
I wish I was there to see your first smile. To cut your first lock of hair, to whisper to you in the dark to soothe your nightmares. I wish I was there to see your first tooth; I wish you could meet your brother and sister.
I wish we could have had just one moment as a family, to both hold you in our arms.
I wish Florian could have lived long enough to see you, long enough to mean that I didn’t have to make this decision.
Delphine closed her eyes as she cried, wishing above all else that she wasn’t sad right then, because even though her daughter would be too young to ever remember her, she wanted the sound of her voice to be soothing, her breast to be nourishing, her touch to be loving. She wanted the first moments of her life to be wonderful ones, to be cherished ones.
‘I love you, daughter,’ she murmured. ‘I want you to know that you were loved from the moment you were conceived.’
The tugging stopped then, and Delphine was surprised to see that her baby was looking up at her. She’d expected that she might have fallen asleep, but instead she was gazing back at her as if she understood what was being said.
‘If there was any other way…’
But there wasn’t, and there was no use trying to pretend otherwise.
24
PRESENT DAY
Georgia couldn’t have been more surprised when they walked in through the door of Luca’s home. She’d expected a townhouse, something modern and very much a bachelor pad, but instead she’d walked into a two-storey chalet that truly felt like a home. Art was placed strategically on the walls, and as he rushed ahead to turn on some lamps, she was able to admire the deep cushioned sofas and pieces of antique furniture. It had been stupid to expect anything less, given his penchant for collecting rare and unique pieces in his work life, but she certainly hadn’t expected such ahome.
‘It’s incredible,’ she said, turning around slowly to take in the architecture and the way he’d furnished it. She could almost guess that he’d bought it with a family in mind—the only things missing were the wife and children, and it made her wonder about a life she’d never imagined for herself before. She’d spent her entire adult life trying to prove herself, to show that she could do everything off her own bat, but suddenly she could see that perhaps that wasn’t enough. She pushed those thoughts away and walked to the windows on the other side, peering out even though it was almost dark. ‘Can you see the lake from here?’
Luca smiled and walked back towards her. ‘You can. Perhaps you can admire it in the morning?’
Georgia swallowed as he stroked her face and leaned in for a kiss. Another man saying those words might have sounded conceited, but something about Luca saying it just made it sound tempting.
