He leaves to let me get ready and I have to rush. Amidst the jumping on one foot to put my pants on, or as I practically rip my hair out when I try to brush it quickly, I’m in an odd place mentally. This is unfamiliar—no anger or sadness is creeping in—emotions I would normally expect as I prepare for the most awkward dinner of my life. It would be easy for me to fixate on a thousand questions: Liam was really here? Why? Was it really for “bro time”? Or something else?
But the questions left my mind quicker than they came and I felt at ease.
I assessed the woman looking back at me in the mirror, with a relaxed look in jeans and an oversized turtleneck sweater, minimal makeup and natural hair loosely pinned back.
For the first time in a long time, I feel content with what I see.
Chapter twenty-two
Benny
“So,isthereareason you don’t drink alcohol?” The ex-fiancé directs his question at me from behind his glass of pink, girly wine. His tone is not the friendly get-to-know-you type. Just the douchey let-me-diagnose-you type.
“Liam, that is incredibly inappropriate,” Emma snaps at him in my defense.
“It’s fine, Em,” I say, opening the bottle of water she provided me. “Drank when I was young, got tired of it.” I sip at my water, gesturing that I am very much done with that conversation. Just because you’re a psychiatristLiam, does not mean I feel the incessant need to share my life story with you.
I didnotlike this guy.
Did I usually mind sharing my past and the choices I made? Not at all. It’s what shaped me to the man I am today, and most of the time I feel at peace with how things have ended up.
But did Liam have a right to know about said messed up past? No. Absolutely not.
I tend to like everyone. Growing-up Kate always told me to watch my back, because one day it’ll get stabbed because I’m too trusting—something I always thought was a good thing. I just always have hope for other people to be good and do what’s right.
It’s rare that I don’t see that in someone.
But right now . . . There’s something about this chatty, blobfish I don’t like. My gut feels very strongly that this Liam guy is not one to waste your time on.
“I see. Do you think you have a propensity for addiction?” He continues with his questioning, his cringey voice making me clench my jaw so hard my teeth might crack. He’s clearly unaware of the social cues I’ve given that I donotwant to share things with him.
“Liam, let’s drop it.” Steven forces a smile as he pats him on the back, probably at the awkwardness hisbrowas creating.
“I’m just making conversation,” he says, shrugging as he shoves a slice of cheese down his gullet.
“A conversation some of us don’t want to have,” Emma whispers.
“Well what else shall we talk about while we wait then?” he asks, talking with his mouth full of cheese.
What did Ellie see in this guy?
He’s taller than me, but he’s lanky. Out of instinct, I stand up straighter, pushing my chest out, like aman.I’m not one to be overly confident, but I know for certain I could break this toothpick in half. And I’m pretty sure his hairline is already receding. I run my fingers through my hair, thanking the good Lord for my thick, Filipino waves.
The kitchen is eerily quiet as we all watch him eat half of the spread before any of us touch it. What a mooch.
My face feels tight as I watch him, slowly feeling unhinged. Being within ten feet of this guy the other night was enough to put me on high alert, but now, having to endure a meal with him, I feel territorial. Not just with Ellie, but with Emma and Steven too. They are great people, and I can’t help but want to sucker punch this guy in his teeth as I watch him scarf down the food Emma worked so hard to prepare, without a simple“thank you.”
Gentle hands wrap around my waist from behind with a whispered “hey”into my back. I turn to face Ellie, her hands still interlocked around me. Cradling her face in my hands, I kiss her long and steady, with a little extra passion—for Liam’s benefit.
“Hi,” I whisper, coming up for air.
Liam attempts to clear his throat nonchalantly, but I refuse to look in his direction. My gaze fixed on Ellie, her face still in my hands.
“Let’s eat!” Steven says from behind me.
“Let’s get this over with,” Emma whispers next to Ellie and I.
Taking our seats, Ellie sits down, pulling me down next to her. I resist the temptation to pull her into my lap and lift a cocky eyebrow toward Liam as he plops down right in front of me. His foot touches mine for a millisecond and I make a mental note to burn my shoes when I get home.
