“Do you want help with that?” I offer reluctantly and he nods, gratefully.
Watching where I step so as to avoid the shrapnel of Legos left scattered across the living room, I help Steve tidy up.
We clean in silence—it’s been this way since I moved in. Steve isn’t a talker, especially with me. I never expect much from our interactions, so I haven’t made any effort to go much further than my usual one-word lead ups like, “Hello,” “Hi,”or the occasional, “Sup.”
But just as I gather the last of the Legos and Nerf bullets, Steven intentionally clears his throat. I look up to see him standing there, awkwardly. “Yes?” I respond, making it clear that I heard him but his awkwardness doesn’t phase me.
It does, but I’ve gone to extreme lengths to act unbothered around Steven ever since the Liam betrayal. Now I have to keep up the charade no matter how weird he acts around me.
“So, I um . . .” the long pause draws a bead of sweat from my temple. I have a feeling I know where this is headed. “I talked to Liam today.” There it is.
If there were ever a time I wanted the goblins to come knock me out with their T-ball bats, now would be the time.
“Oh, yeah? How is he?” Ignoring the crack in my voice as I scurry off to the kitchen. Their house is an open floor plan, so I literally have nowhere to hide when a conversation like this is thrown at me.
“He’s doing fine. Working long hours in the clinic with the new case—” he cuts himself off, realizing what he’s saying and whom he is saying it to.
Liam’sheavy caseloadis because of my absence.
I never had any doubt or hesitation when I took a job at the clinic my then-fiance was a locum resident at. It never crossed my mind that there could be complications to working with your significant other. Liam was only part-time when I started seeing clients, and he was mostly at the hospital anyway so it worked out well, even when he decided to call it quits moments before we exchanged vows. I wasn’t going to leave my clients just because my own life seemed to be in shambles, so he was going to offset his clinic days with my office hours, ensuring we never interacted one-on-one.
We had a plan, and it was working . . . until it wasn’t.
Liam started coming into the clinic more often, most likely to check on me. I was barely holding myself together as it was, and him breathing down my neck, checking my charts, and overriding my care plans wasnothelping.
“Yeah? Howisthat case load?” I snap back, emphasizing the irritation in my tone.
Steven clears his throat. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“Why are we talking about Liam?” I grit my teeth, picking up the rest of the toys.
He puts his hands in his scrub pockets. “He, umm . . .” He stares at me then averts his gaze to the window. Steven is not a confrontational person, he usually avoids conflict whenever possible. This situation had to be killing him, which tells me it’s important to him. I take a deep breath and turn to face him directly, providing softer, more open body language to encourage that, while I’m not thrilled about the current conversation, this is a safe space to speak.
Steven notices my posture change, letting out a sigh he says, “He asked about joining for Halloween.”
I feel an instant ache in my chest. I blink at him.
Blink.
Blink.
“I told him I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. I tried to remind him where we all stood on things and he wasn’t allowed to just partake in our family events anymore”. Steven’s response was rapid, attempting to put out the fire he just set in my brain.
“I appreciate that.” My voice felt thick, still feeling stunned and a little insulted that Liam would even consider asking to come to Halloween.
Halloween wasmything.
Myfavorite.
Myparty.
Myfamily.
MINE.
Liam doesn’t even like the holiday. Pumpkins with faces freak him out and he always dresses up as the same thing every year—a psychiatrist on holiday—because for some reason that was the funniest thing he had ever heard of and,“Why mess with perfection.”
“It’s just . . . he’s been really down. Really lonely.” Steven looks down at his shoes. “We talked for a really long time today and he just thinks being around family would be good for him.”
