I opted not to make the coffee, instead grabbing my phone and asking Ridge and Hal what they were up to.
Hal had been called in to work. That place was getting pretty toxic lately. There were rumors of a takeover. He’d had a good long run at a pretty great job, but the stress was starting to get to him.
Ridge, on the other hand, had a few hours free. When I asked him if he wanted a playdate, he told me he’d be there in half an hour.
That gave me enough time to clean up, throw out some little toys for us to play with, and get a cartoon rolling. I wouldn’t completely hit little space, but that wasn’t the goal. I wanted something to distract me because, left on my own, my brain was going to be working overtime, creating buckets of problems thatdidn’t exist for me to solve. That was the last thing I needed, and it wasn’t fair to Jovan.
Chapter Twelve
Jovan
Leaving my date after making love to him for the first time almost killed me. When the text came in, I struggled with whether to wake him, but he looked so relaxed and happy that I couldn’t do it. Instead, I left a note, threw on my clothes, and dropped Zoe at home on the way to the hospital. She didn’t seem grateful that I took the time, rather grumpy about having to get off the couch and come with me.
If we’d discussed it in advance, I might have been able to leave her there, but we hadn’t. And she was my responsibility. Still, listening to her huff at me from the back seat was not much fun.
By the time I got a moment free, it was late enough to text Ernie, apologize, and ask him to go to dinner the next night. Our second date.
It was great. Every moment I spent with him was that and more, but although we usually ended up in bed together, and it was never one bit less spectacular, we didn’t seem to be moving forward.
Wondering if I was being paranoid, I decided it was time to give things a nudge, so as we were enjoying pasta at a hole-in-the-wall we’d discovered together, I made a suggestion. “Ernie, you know what I’d like to do?”
He gave me an impish grin. “Order dessert?” Something I had done rarely before we started dating but now, with someone share it with? Almost every time we ate out. Okay, every time.
“Yes, that. Did you see the tiramisu in the refrigerated case behind the cash register?”
“I did. Okay, I’m in. You have the best ideas.” He twirled some spaghetti on his fork and held it up. “Nice work, right? I’m getting the hang of this.”
“Very professional. But besides dessert, I was thinking maybe we should go to Chained this weekend and play.”
He ate the bite of spaghetti, chewing so slowly, I began to worry. “Ernie? Don’t you want to go?”
“I’m not a member, remember? But sometime, sure. When I can afford to join.”
Okay. He had to know how it worked. “I have a stack of free passes a mile high.” In a sense. They were on my account, not actually piled up anywhere. “So, how is Saturday? I think I saw there is a special event that afternoon.”
Setting his fork down, Ernie pulled his glass of sparkling water closer and took a sip through the straw. Another delaying tactic?
“If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to. But I thought we had a really nice time together on the night of the stuffie hospital, and you were the most adorable little I’ve ever seen in the club.”
“Thank you.” He turned the glass around and around, watching it as if it was completely fascinating. “But maybe some other time.”
I wanted to let it go, continue to enjoy our dinners and say “let’s talk about it later,” another day, but as a daddy, when I saw such an obvious roadblock to something that had been good for both of us, I couldn’t allow it to pass. “Ernie, it’s never an issue, where we go together. It should be what we both want to do, or maybe sometimes what one of us wants and the other agrees to do to be nice.” I was riding a line there, and I shouldn’t do that. He might think I meant he should do what he didn’t want to just to please me. Not that kind of daddy. “What I mean is, like amovie. One of us wants to see one and one wants to see another. We take turns. Make sense?”
He nodded, still watching his drink go around and around, droplets of condensation landing on the table.
“But when it comes to something as basic for both of us as revisiting a place we both like, if one of us doesn’t anymore, it’s a subject we need to talk about. So, you don’t want to go to Chained on Saturday?”
He shook his head no.
“I wish you’d trust me enough, then, to tell me why. Or I won’t be able to understand.” I reached out and stilled his hands that were turning the glass. “Ernie, please look at me.”
Lifting his gaze, he met mine for just a moment before dropping his again. “I can’t.”
“Why not? Did I do something to hurt your feelings or upset you? I wouldn’t ever want to do that.”
The eyes that met mine this time were awash with tears, and I stood up and brought my chair around to sit next to him. “You didn’t do anything bad,” he said. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
“That doesn’t sound good. Are you breaking up with me?”
